I collapse on my bed. My wavy brunette hair flying wildly as it's whirled through the air all just to collapse with the rest of me. My sea-blue eyes are brimming with tears as I think about my sad sad life. Don't cry. Please don't cry. Crying is useless it doesn't do any good. You are ok. Your always ok. You have to be ok. You will be ok. Jamie Springs you are always ok. Always. I think to myself as I turn over to my side. I lay my head down in the crease of my elbow and try not to think. I have deeper thoughts than those. Thoughts that tell me the truth about what I'm feeling. Your never good enough. You always fall short of everyone. Why your a fallen angel for crying out loud! You fricken fell from heaven itself all for a mortal guy that you fell in love with. A mortal guy you don't even remember. To be fair you don't remember anything though. Not really anyway. They stripped you of your wings. When you stumbled, you didn't catch yourself you fell. And you fell long an hard. Left to walk this earth for all eternity as punishment for being a fallen angel. I tell my thoughts to go away. I practically scream at myself.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" My thoughts are so loud though. They are louder than my words. There are louder than anything. Secrets...so many secrets. Secrets that haunt you and chill you to the bone. But you can't tell anyone because your all alone and no one cares anyway. Who cares about a dark angel? They are dark. They can take care of themselves. They are sly and cunning and they get what they want. But not what they truly want. That's just out of their reach. Just out of your reach.
"NO! NO! NO! NO!" I am crying now. The hot tears streaming down my cheeks don't seem to have an off switch. They just keep coming and coming and coming. My brain is scattered. I can't think straight. So many secrets, so many lies. I'm having a full meltdown now. Your ok. Your always ok. You have to be ok. Put on an "I'm ok" face. Because that's what you are. Your ok. You have to be. Just deal with it. It's your life forever. Learn to live with it. I try to cope with myself. It's dark outside, the half moon glowing pale white against the pitch black sky. No stars are out tonight.
Ive stopped looking for a monster underneath the bed,
Because I've realized,
That the monster is inside of me.