Playlist To a Broken Heart

Just some trashy songs to go along with my trashy life

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1. 'you really meant goodbye'

I fell for you the first time I saw you. It was the first day of Year 7 and you towered above most of the other students. That same day, I was seated next to you in English and discovered that you were in most of my classes and I couldn't be happier. 

I'm sure I have made a fool of myself plenty of times but I just wanted you to like me. I wanted to get to know you and I wanted you to see that I wasn't a complete idiot. Maybe I tried too hard. I get that, I mean I started every conversation ever and I put myself out there even when I thought you didn't like me just because I liked you so much. 

Our friends thought we looked good together. They even had a cute joint name for us, to tease us. Did it never tempt you to put yourself out there? To admit your feelings for me?

My stupidity never stopped, it only got worse as the years went by. I still pursued your friendship, even when I probably should have stopped, even when you ignored me and I knew, I just didn't want to lose you. But I have. I fucked it all up. Maybe I could have saved it. If maybe instead of admitting my feelings for you the way I had in a cringey message sent at 1:20 am I had sent a much shorter message like

"Hey, Ewan, don't know why I'm saying this but had a bit of a crush on you whilst we were at school, crazy amirite?"

And then you could have still said that you liked me too, because nothing you've ever said to me has been that cringe or embarrassing.

 

Or at least I don't think the messages have been embarrassing. Perhaps you do. Perhaps you were sat down at your laptop or on your iPod with a grimace plastered on your face just moments after you pressed send. Maybe you regret telling me things about your life, letting me in, word by word.

 

This Ain't A Love Song - Bon Jovi

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