12. 'Yeah I know it's stupid'
This was such a stupid idea. How could I ever think these messages were good? I miss you so much it physically hurts. You probably will never understand how much I miss talking to you. Fucking hell, why did I have to screw up so bad? Why couldn't I have just let us be friends? Maybe at least then we would still talk. I am sorry.
Sometimes I think about sending these and waiting for your reaction. What would you reply to me? Is there a reasonable reply to tell me I'm crazy, bonkers, insane, how could you ever like me? What did I do to deserve to have you as a friend at least for a short amount of time? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I haven't screwed everything up. I'm a fucking mess because of you and I need to learn to live with it because you're never going to be anything more than someone from my past and I need to find some way of forgetting you because I can't let this impossibility of you screw up my life.
It's stupid of me to think that I will ever see you again and that we could ever even be friends again. So I suppose I should just stop. I should get on with my life and I know you would tell me to do this as well. I should just remember the good times we had and forget about you and be happy. I deserve to do that for myself. I should get over you. There's no reason why I shouldn't get over you. So maybe this is goodbye.
Dancing on my own - Robyn