crush crush crush

A compilation of messages I wish I'd sent to him. (sorry about all of the cringe chapter titles)


8. I've got to know what's not and what's real'

I always want to send you messages about how sad I am. I'm sad because I miss how happy you made me.

I always wanted to impress you, you see I was never very rebellious and I always do what I'm told. However I would have rather had a thousand detentions if it meant I could talk to you or help you. Don't you remember how I always turned my paper so you could copy me in Science? Talking to you however did make my life unnecessarily hard, I did not want those detentions and so with the lack of work I did at school, I had so much homework. 

Now I look back and I think about it, I think how cute it was, my little crush. Always waiting to see you, to talk to you. The thing was, you filled my stomach with butterflies and so I did find it hard to talk to you. But at the same time we were quite close and I did kind of feel we could talk about anything. Words can't explain the feeling, honestly, just seeing you from across the hallway brightened my day. 

I wonder if I made you feel the same way? For example I can remember cringing thousands of times after saying something really stupid to you... Although I don't recall ever thinking what you were saying was stupid. We were both stupid, me especially. In year 7 you asked me if I would hypothetically go out with you, although you made it overly clear you only saw me as a friend. It was quite out of the blue and I panicked and said I too only thought of you as a friend. What was I meant to say? That I had the biggest crush ever? Of course not and so even though it was blatantly obvious to everyone else that we liked each other, we believed the opposite. 


However it's not just the fact that I had a huge crush on you, that makes me want to speak to you again. It's because you are a genuinely nice, funny, charming, sarcastic person. You were a great friend, and I wish I hadn't lost you like I lost other friends. I miss how silly you were because to me it showed that you didn't care about what other people thought but again I know you did care what I knew about you because you didn't want me to think any less of you after a stupid dare. So you didn't tell me for ages and I had to pry it out of you and it didn't change how I thought of you. I just thought it was a typical guy dare, your friends were just as silly as you 


Everyday I love you less and less - The Kaiserchiefs

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