3. 'I miss you when the lights go out'
I can't express enough how much my heart aches for you. Words can't explain how much I miss you. You'd think after two years I would at least miss you less. Is it at all possible that I miss you more? There were moments, split seconds of time where I thought it was possible that I could just forget about you and then move on with my life. Still, I find myself crying over you.
And I really shouldn't. Not because it is entirely ridiculous to think about someone I will never see again but because I look like I have moved on. It didn't look like it was going to happen for a long time, I don't think I wanted to, but then my own Mum started to question why a 'pretty' girl like me had never got herself a boyfriend. Ugh. I despise of the word boyfriend. I only ever wanted you to be my boyfriend and now its someone else I can barely bring myself to use the word. In fact I don't, Ewan. He's just not like you at all. Maybe that's why I put up with him. Wait, no I do like him. But you? You make me question that, and I hate you for it!
But he's the opposite of you, we barely have anything in common, but do me and you have anything in common anymore? We used to like the same music but I can't bare to listen to Ben Howard anymore because it reminds me so much of you. You understood me in a way that this guy I'm with never will. The most likely reason he won't is because I won't let him because I only want you to understand me.
I tried to like someone else, I am trying! Can't you see that my feelings for you are way too deep? Some people say they're afraid to fall for someone and here I am already fallen, unable to regain composure.
I miss you so much that sometimes I think I see you in the street. I always take a double take and realise it's not you and my heart sinks. I wish I could see you again. I wish I could message you even as friends and talk again. Get to know you again. But I messed up and now I know you could never speak to me again. Let's be honest, after telling you I still like you last year how could you talk to me again?
So I will keep missing you and you can keep not thinking about me because I know that you've moved on.
I miss you - Adele