6. 'Heavy words are hard to take'
Honestly, do you know how many messages I've written and deleted to you? Too many. I contemplate accidentally clicking enter and sending them to you, but then I would have to explain myself to you and we both know I was never very good at that.
I miss sitting with you in English and talking whack about my friends with you. You made me laugh and smile and I hope I did the same. Do you remember that one time in English when we were chatting and all of a sudden most of the lesson was gone and our teacher was threatening to separate us? Or do you remember all of those times in art when sir would just give us clay and we could mess about, omg there was that time he said we reminded him of a Swedish film he'd seen where a girl, was she a vampire? Had befriended this boy and now she had to stop her father from killing him? It was very random, but I think what he was trying to say was, "why aren't you two together?"
Maybe I miss you so much because I could be myself with you and although I am myself with my friends, with my "boyfriend" I also feel like I am stepping on egg shells with him, wanting to be myself, but knowing he won't understand me because I can't explain it to him. He thinks I like Pirates of the Caribbean because of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, but you know that I understand the characters, I love their quirks and I know you loved that too, as well as the epic fight scenes.
You have brought me to tears yet again, maybe you are the one who should be saying sorry. You've hurt me so much after all.
Please don't say you love me - Gabrielle Aplin