9. 'Cause I can't have you'
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!
Look at what you've done to me! It's been two years, Ewan! TWO YEARS!.. I still think about you everyday. No one will ever be good enough because I compare everyone to you! I wish I'd never met you. Then I would never have fallen for you. You make me so upset. What I would do to be able to think about normal things like stressing about exams. Not thinking of you all of the time... I hate the way I can still remember you, its like I never left, and I hate the way I spoke to you afterwards, I was losing my mind it killed me not to see you and talk to you and I just couldn't go on without having you know about how I felt.
I hate the fact that you don't realise how this is affecting me, am I going mad? What if I am, is this what it's like? I hate you so much and I won't even tell you. I hate that you're making me write this message. this message that I will never have the courage to send.
As cliche as it, I hate you because I don't really hate you at all. How could I? How could I hate someone who made me laugh so much and let me be myself, how could I hate someone who still spoke to me and liked me after all the cringe stupid things I said. I wish I hated you, it would be so much easier, I could leave every thought of you behind and move on and be fine with everything.
You're so unaware of this but I can't tell you. I can't climb back into your life once again, writing stupid messages that will just confuse you and probably make you hate me. Do you hate me?
Manhattan - Sara Bareilles