The absolute worst part of the morning is waking up and realising that you should've listened to your inner mum when she told you it wasn't a good idea to stay up past 3am watching re-runs of Hey Arnold. I'm never doing that again. Sike. Tomorrow is Degrassi. Beep beep beep beep beep. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Cosmo (yes, that's his real name), my house mate, has once again forgotten to open a window before turning our ancient coffee machine on- in turn setting off the hyper-sensitive fire alarm. At least he tried. I'm actually surprised he's here for once instead of off on some big Bear Grylls style adventure as per usual.
“Dude it's 7:40, don't you have to be at school in like half an hour?”
Fuck. Well Cosmo, that would be a yes. And I'm still laying in bed dishevelled wearing my Spiderman flannelette pyjamas. Peachy.
“Hey Cossie babe, can you make me some coffee while I have a shower?”
Platonically calling each other “babe” is kinda our weird little thing we do, even though we aren't anywhere near being a couple.
“Sure thing Mace-base”
Another strange nickname. Sue us.
Well seeing as Cosmo has the caffeine covered, I have 18 minutes to wash away the fact that I have had less than 7 hours sleep in the past 4 days. My plan is to get in, undress as quickly as humanly possible, avoid the mirror at all costs, and scrub my skin with scalding hot water and body wash until I am satisfied with how much I smell like a fruit basket. I speedily undo the buttons of my shirt and throw it across the room at the same time I slide my pants over my knees. I'm almost there when I make the mistake of looking into mirror. It's funny how much you can hate a piece of glass. Look at yourself. You are not a boy. Look at those breasts; they're growing you know? You can't hide them behind that tacky binder forever. Your hips are getting huge! How much did you eat yesterday? You should really start playing sports again, like the good old days. Remember? When your family and friends loved you and were proud of you? It's because you stopped playing sports that they all hate you now, I bet-
“Babe you have precisely 12 minutes and 41 seconds to be at school or you're going to be late on your first day, first impressions are everything Macey”
Not today, insecurities
So it turns out that finding this godforsaken school was a LOT more difficult than I bargained for. I really should not have watched that last episode of Hey Arnold last night. So now I'm waiting in the office to be given my schedule. I'm only 20 minutes late. What does it matter in the scheme of things?
A voice interrupts my thinking pattern and it takes a second to realise she's calling my name. Well, my birth name for that matter. My name is Mason. Mason Greyer. I am a boy, but for now I'm going to have to put up with Madison. So I stand up.
“That's me” I say with my most warm and sickeningly cheesy smile.
“I'm sorry, I said Madison Greyer. Are you Madison?” she says this with a sarcastic tone in her voice. God I fucking hate teachers. I can't really blame her too much I guess. From what she sees I must look like an average guy, I know for a fact that I can pass. With my chest safely tucked away behind a binder and a long sleeve Rings of Saturn shirt, and my hips concealed with compression trunks and khaki shorts, I look just like any other guy walking down the street. Well, aside from the size 12 gauges in my ears and various piercings.
“As a matter of fact, I am. Nice to meet you” And there goes my first lie of the day. It most certainly has NOT been nice to meet her.
“Oh, I'm so sorry, please come this way Madison” Yeah that's right bitch, be sorry. I bet my voice was what gave it away that I'm actually not a biological boy. I'm working on it.
We arrive at a small office with a very plain layout and she tells me to wait at the door while she gets my schedule. Why didn't she just give me my schedule out in the main office if she is going to make me wait at the door? Dumbass teachers.
“Here is your timetable, if you need any help reading it please feel free to ask. Here is the school diary to record all of your homework and assignments in, it has a map in the back in case you get lost. I hope you enjoy your day here at Alder Grove High.” Plastic smile, sickly sweet tone, body language of a Barbie Doll.
Today is going to be fan-fucking-tastic.