2. I can't scream
"Oh Dante," My mother whispers as we lean over his hospital bed.
He's unconscious, and there are dozens of tubes hooked up to him, all simultaneously flowing antibiotics into him. My eyes sting with tears. I still can't believe this happened. My mother puts her arm around my shoulder and we leave the hospital because the doctors need to perform the first surgery. I'm so scared. On the drive home, my mom buys me a coke at McDonald's and allows me to go shopping with my friends today if I want, but I refuse; I just want to be alone.
My older sister used to tell me that depression wasn't a mental illness, It was a state of being. When she committed suicide I didn't believe her. I would never except that she hadn't been mentally ill. Today, I changed my mind, because I wasn't mentally ill, and the idea of losing another sibling made me, well depressed. I hid under my comforter and watched youtube for awhile before I fell asleep.
I didn't wake up until 6:00 at night, to my mom asking me to come to dinner. But I didn't come because my appetite was lost. She didn't see my brother when he fell out of Freddy's mouth, but I did, and I don't think I'll be eating for awhile. I fall asleep again a few hours later, and suddenly I'm back at the pizzeria. My brother is on the ground. He is dead. I wake up shivering. It was a nightmare.
I slowly climb out of bed and pull on a sweater and run outside. I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay home so I take off into the woods. I want to scream but when I open my mouth I can't so I sit down next to a tree and cry for what seems like forever. I don't know what time it is when I return home, but the sun has started to peek out over the horizon. When morning comes, my brother might be dead. I think.