Two weeks later,
I had a panic attack
For the first time in three months.
It came in the middle of Biology 2,
My second block even day class.
My heart rate started to speed up,
And fear clouded my thoughts.
I was trembling
and using all of my willpower
To keep myself from screaming or crying.
By the time the attack was over,
I was shaky, and exhausted.
The worst thing was
That no one would have known it
From looking at me.
In the eyes of the outside world,
On the inside,
I was a glass sculpture,
Covered in spiderweb cracks.
When lunchtime came,
I did not want to be social.
I huddled against the wall,
Earbuds in and volume high,
Blasting Linkin Park.
This was all I did,
Was listen to Linkin Park
And gaze into space.
My friends sent their concerns
In paper airplanes that fell in flames.
My response to the crashes:
“I’m just tired.”
Then he came.
I learned his name
after he joined Fencing club.
I loved his name,
Loved the way it sounded.
He stood in front of me silently for a second.
I pulled one earbud out, blinking up at him.
“Hi, Sky,” he said, grinning.
I mumbled a weak “Hi” back, then looked away.
I could feel his frown,
Feel the concern in his mahogany gaze.
I looked up at him again,
My tired response ready on my lips.
Our eyes met,
My luminous green colliding with his dark brown,
And every word that was resting on my tongue
Here,” I rested my hand on the empty space beside me.
“Sit with me.”
“Nah, I’ll stand.”
“Sit!” I insisted, patting the floor.
As he sat, I pulled my Chromebook out of my bookbag.
I opened up a blank Google Document
And started typing.
i had a panic attack or the first time in a few months, it shook me up a bit
i’m still not completely over it
I gave him the Chromebook,
And he read silently.
He glanced at me,
Then started typing a response.
i’m right here :) i’ll always be here no matter what happens. even if it takes till the end of the world i’ll be by your side :) i’ll listen to you, protect (may not be needed) or i’ll be your shoulder to cry on. i care and love you sky :D
I smiled as I read those words,
Feeling my heart swell in my chest.
I wasn’t alone anymore.
That was the moment when I knew
I was not alone