1. I Want A Mojito
Once upon a midnight clear,
I stumbled on a case of beer.
I said, "Oh, no! What have we here?
A cold, alone six-pack of cheer?"
It turned to me and said quite clear,
"I am a lonely case of beer,
And there's a reason I am here.
I seem to bring pain and not cheer"
I looked at it, and it looked back,
That sad and lonley, cold six-pack.
I said, "I know just what you lack!"
And put it right into my knapsack.
He spoke the whole five block walk back;
He said he was a cur-sed pack,
And morals he makes people lack.
He cursed my stupid, trapping knapsack.
We got back home and I spoke first,
"I know a way to quench your thirst."
I passed it 'round - his bubble burst
As we all shouted, "DO YOUR WORST!!"
It said, "Don't worry, that I will,
When later down the stairs you spill
And from the doctor's get a bill
With digits 'nough to make you ill."
We laughed at his cynical speech,
And said, "Oh man - ha - what a peach!"
He just sat there with a look
When asked why the walls are shook
He looked at me quite like a spoof
And said, "I am 100 proof:
Two sips from me and you are drunk
Enough to think to wed a skunk."
I looked at it through eyes quite bleary
And said to him (I thought quite clearly)
"I'm not drunk as you may say.
The walls just won't stay out of way."
I looked around at all my mates
And found they all had gotten dates.
There were four kissing four chairs
And some more with a few pairs
Of socks on their ears
Trying to find the dog…?
I knew I shoulda picked up the Mojito instead…