the diary of a schizophrenic

"i know she isn't real, i know she's an amigination but she won't go away no matter what, i guess this is just an ordinary day for me." Jessica is living with a mental ilness she doesnt even know she has, she has no friends she only has her mother and her sisters, but then she meets Adam and everything feels good when she's with him, with a crush and a mental illness and a little jealousy from her younger sister things must be hard on Jessica, will she make it thru or will she end up taking her own life.


1. an ordinary day for me

~~I was in my room thinking horrible thoughts again, I was listening to Lilly she was saying "you're mom hates you, you're sisters hate you, everyone hates you, you should run away and disappear forever" I cried again it felt like the hundredth time today and my eyes were red and puffy, my mom calls me for lunch and my stomach growls so I know that I'm hungry, I get up from my bed happily because I love food especially my mom's cooking and right before I open the door Lilly says to me "you're mom poisoned you're food don’t trust her" I freeze in my place and take a breath and say to myself "my mom wouldn’t do that" then I walk to the living room where we always eat and I sit down with my mom and two sisters and I see that my mom made spaghetti, my mom serves me my plate and I take a bite and when I don’t see Lilly I feel relieved but then after a few bites Lilly reappears again and she say "I told you its poisoned she's trying to kill you don’t trust her" I've been hearing her voice and seeing her all day and I couldn’t take it anymore, I  take my plate of spaghetti and I slide it from in front of me and I say to my mom "mom I'm not hungry I'll eat later" she looks at me weirdly and says "you haven’t eaten all day Jessica how can you not be hungry?" I give her a weak smile and I say "mom I just don’t feel like eating right now" but then she says "you have to eat something at least just a little bit more" and something inside me snaps and I yell at her saying "what the hell do you want from me!? I'm not hungry is that hard to understand!? Just leave me the hell alone!" I storm myself to my room and I can hear my mom's footsteps behind me, when I get to my room I lock the door because I want to be left alone and when I do my mom tries to open my door and when she can't open it she says "Jessica are you ok? What happened? Please open the door" why can't she just leave me alone? "Mom I'm sorry ok? Just please leave me alone I had a really bad day at school" that wasn’t completely a lie because every school day is a bad day "I don’t care about you yelling at me just please open the door I want you to tell me what's wrong, what happened at school?" I couldn’t believe how sweet my mom was being after how I treated her so I open the door and I hug her crying into her shoulder, I stay silent and my mom just hugs me back and lets me cry until I'm done crying, I tell my mom another lie and I say "I just have a lot of tests and everything I study is really hard and confusing" she looks at me like she doesn’t believe me and then I say "I know it's stupid mom but you know how tests can be I'm fine really" she believes me so I go back to my room where I am all the time and when I go inside I see Lilly there like she was waiting for me, she smiles at me so innocently and I feel like killing myself because I can't take her one more bit, I know she isn’t real, I know she's an imagination but she won't away no matter what, I guess this is just another ordinary day for me.

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