Pierre, my most darling of lovers,
I must apologise so graciously to you, I did not know you were imprisoned, I thought, no I was told, by my men that you had run away with another man. I was so foolish for ever thinking you could do such an awful thing.
Now it is I who is guilty of a hideous crime, I stuck my dear wife Catherine, she is hurt, I am not sure how badly and I will never know.
I have been taken back to my chambers; I received horrified looks as I walked through the grounds of my own home. I tried to differentiate the hideous looks of disgust between the ones I received for striking my wife or because my little secret had been outed.
I am sitting in my chair, behind my desk, my men had gone. I gather no one could stand to be in the same room as me, not now they all knew. I took the key from the chain around my neck and opened the top draw, the secret one with my letter inside. If I was a real man and I went about my plan this would be the last time I got to read the letters. I looked at each one carefully, making sure I read it in full. Not wanting to miss a single word that you, my love, had written to me.
It would not be long now until we were reunited in heaven. I have put so much shame to my Father’s good name, to the country, but most of all I have shamed myself and my wife. She is so embarrassed that she was married to a homosexual.
There is nothing wrong with liking a man, so I keep telling myself. But I guess the world is just not ready for me to be who I am so openly. And a world where I cannot be myself is not one I want to live in.
I will take my own life honourably, if there is such a thing. Then we can be together, I know the Bible teaches against what we are but there must be a place somewhere in the world for us, and we will find it together. Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Though as I draw my final breath, as I lift the dagger to my throat I cannot help but think about how wrongly you suffered at the hands of my men.
We will be reunited as one, once again, but until then I gift you with all of my heart.