The Only Hope For Me Is You

"You're my only hope. I wouldn't be here, if it weren't for you. Don't ever leave me."

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18. Chapter 17

Harry's POV:

June 28, 2016.

I don't know how to feel about this. Who even writes in a journal? If anything people are no longer using paper as often as they did, they probably just type it all down on their computers, iPads, or  phones. Soon we will rarely have the need to use paper.

Finally, my mom left. It was the only reason I began to write anyway. It's been a week since the incident and things haven't really changed. That man claims that he's gone to a business trip. He never really had a job that made him leave. He works at a stupid tire shop. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to say that he works as an assistance in some important place. Important place my ass. I don't know how my mom believes the things that come out of his rotten mouth.

I got to go to school today, I haven't been going. Alexis has been by my side at all times, excluding the times when we have different periods. I understand that she's worried, but it's getting pretty annoying. Is this what many boyfriends feel when their girlfriend gets too clingy? Or vice versa? Cause it's tiring. Now enough beating around the bush, all I really want to talk about it Scarlett.

She tried to get close today, at least I think she was, but Alexis had dragged me to the lunchroom before Scarlett could get any closer. The thing is, every time our eyes met in the hallways, she smiled at me.  Her warm sweet smile. I barely know her, I don't even know her favorite color yet in my dreams I say to know everything about her. In my dream there is nothing to cause me pain there is only her and me. Never have I thought to be this way for a girl. A girl who doesn't even give me the light of the day. She doesn't know how much I think of her or how I wish I could just talk to her. That's really all I wanted to say, I guess. I don't know if I'll feel comfortable talking of other stuff, but I will try to.

You know what? Maybe writing isn't so bad after all.

 

-

 

"Hey Alexis?" I asked.

I was over at her house which was a miracle because I don't like going out, but today was an exception. We were watching a movie which I wasn't really paying attention to. And you know how I said this was an exception? Well, it's more like my mom forced me.

"What."

"I have to tell you something but you have to promise that you'll keep quiet and won't make it a big deal."

She held a skeptical look as she turned to me. "Okay, shoot."

"I like someone." I stated.

I expected her to jump up and tease me but instead her face had no trace of emotion.

"Who?" She asked.

"Scarlett."  I breathed out.

She nodded. "I figured." She smiled, "since when?"

"I saw her at my sisters dance practice. I saw her with her brother too."

"Oh yeah, him. He's pretty cute." She snorted.

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"What, no. He's attractive. Guess it runs in the family."

That was the last thing she said about the whole topic. Though I am glad that she didn't make this into some big reveal. Just admitting that I like Scarlett to myself was hard enough, I didn't think it was possible for me to officially say it out loud, more so to a person.

"Harry, your phone. It's your mom." Alexis voice surged, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I groaned, "you answer her please. Tell her that I'm going."

Alexis sighed, "fine, you owe me."

"Whatever." I waved her off.

"Hello? Hi! Harry's in the bathroom in the bathroom at the moment... but he told me he was going home afterwards..." Alexis rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yeah! Oh, really? Oh um, well that's nice. Really? I'll be there with Harry in a few. Okay, okay bye."

"You're voice was so fake, I swear." I said, snatching my phone.

"Shut up, I did you a favor. Now let's go."

 

-

 

"Mom? I'm home."

 

"Where were you?" Her figure emerged from the kitchen, "I called 20 minutes ago, what took you so long?"

"We made a quick stop at the market, I needed something." Alexis spoke for me, shaking the bag she held.

"Oh, well," she pursed her lips, "that's fine. It's just Scarlett was here."

What?

"What? Why - for what?"

"I thought you knew. I told Alexis that she came by."

Slowly, I turned to the short girl next to me. "Alexis?"

"Shoot. I forgot, I'm sorry. I was a bit distracted when you called since we were watching TV, I'm sorry." She said blushing slightly.

"It's fine dear, it happens. The good thing is that you guys enjoyed your time together, right?"

"Right. Well, Alexis I think it's best if you leave. Don't want to be walking home too late, now do we?" I rushed all while discretely trying to push her towards the door.

"Oh, okay I guess." She sighed. "Jesus, Harry let me say goodbye first."

I sighed, "fine."

"Bye Anne, I'll see you tomorrow. See you Henry."

As soon as the door slammed shut, I bombarded my mother with questions. Her surprised face was enough to make me know that this is the most I've ever talked, or at least want information from her.

"Calm down, god. Sit, I have something for you."

I nodded. I took a seat at the dining table waiting patiently and may I add somewhat happy. That is until satan's own wife, also known as my sister appeared.

"Why the fück are you so giddy? Stop it, it's weird."

"I don't have time for you right now."

"Like I care. Now shut up, I need concentration to wash these dishes."

"Here." My mom said once she re-entered the kitchen.

I took the white envelope in my hands, "a CD?"

"Yes." She said smiling widely.

"Ha, how lame. Really a CD? What? She thinks she has the best music taste in the world?" Gemma spoke scoffing. I swear she is the queen of those.

"Shut up Gemma. Go to your room will you?" I retorted

 "I live here asshole."

"Excuse me missy, I do not appreciate your attitude... or yours Harry."

Gemma groaned before stomping off to her room.

"Open it."

"I will; in my room. I'll give it a listen."

My mom smiled. "I don't think she gave you that CD just so you can know her music taste. There's an important reason why she gave you it."

I mustered up a smile, "right... I'll listen to it now."

 

-

 

I lied. Sure, she probably had good intentions but really? A CD? What kind of 'gift' is that?

You're being an ass Harry, a gift is a gift.

What does she intend?

Then again, she can't really talk to me. She can but I can't. I'd be dead if I get near her.

Sighing, I picked up the CD and threw it in the trash bin. I won't listen to it. Besides, I've never really been a big fan of music. She won't even know that I got rid of it. It's best this way.

My aching back was begging for my bed, my whole body was. I might not work, but school is exhausting.

"I don't think she gave you that CD just so you can know her music taste. There's an important reason why she gave you it."

Could there be an actual reason why she gave me a CD? I mean, she wouldn't come here knowing that I would still ignore her to give me the CD. Music nowadays is pretty trashy, most that I hear at school are anyway.

The point is, she's sharing it with me. She took time out of her day to make me this. I imagine her selecting specific songs for me to hear, to try to understand and here I am thinking of it as trash and throwing it into the bin. Curse my mom and her phrases.

I shot out of my bed to the bin and picked up the CD. Along with the CD came a slip of paper with all the names of the songs.

 

1. Satellite -  All Time Low

2. I'm a Mess - Ed Sheeran

3. The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

4.Jesus of Suburbia- Green Day

5. My Life For Hire - A Day To Remember

6. Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For a Night)- All Time Low

7.The Edge of Tonight - All Time Low

8.I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

9. 21 Guns - Green Day

10.Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

11. Drown - Bring Me The Horizon

12. Shadow of The Day - Linkin Park

13.My Immortal - Evanescence

14. Kicking & Screaming - All Time Low

15. Quiet Ballad of Ed - Ed Sheeran

I hope you find meaning to these songs and enjoy them as much as I do :)

 

That was the day I went to slept with voices comforting me and telling me that everything will be okay.

 

 

 

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