Gone

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2. My mom

Sometimes i wonder.

Wonder how life would be if i was different, different from what i am now. It feels like nobody gets me. I didn't have any close friends to hang out with after school, I wasn't the cool kid everyone talked about, I was the outsider, the one nobody knew who was. I was at least a 100 percent sure nobody knew my name, even my own dad forgot sometimes. Jerk. He had been like that since my mom passed away.

 

My mom died when I was twelve, cancer took her. I wish I spend more time with her while I could, now she's gone. I clearly remembered the day, I never saw it coming. I was at school when suddenly my teacher got a call and send me to the principals office. When I saw my grandpa standing there, with his eyes filled with tears and his hands shaking. I knew it, I knew something was wrong the moment I saw him. I fell to the ground, my head was spinning I felt alone, oh how i felt so alone. I don't remember for how long I laid on the floor. I just remember looking up into the ceiling, my tear-filled eyes wandered around the room until i met my grandpas already wet eyes, he was already looking at me. "She's gone" the only sentence forming on his lips, it completely tore me apart. One sentence, two words. She's gone. Everything went black.

 

I walked down the stairs into the dark room, the smell of strong alcohol hit my nose. I quickly noticed my dad sitting in his chair by the television, it wasn't even on. He just sat there, day and night drunk as hell. Sometimes I would hear him yell in the middle of the night. He yelled my moms name, wanting her back. It hurt so much seeing him like that, hearing him scream out his lungs. "Im leaving now dad" he just waved the green bottle at me without even looking.

 

 

I walked out the door, the fresh cold air filled my nose. The sky was black and only the moon lighted up the city. I breathed in the air all the way down to my stomach. I started walking towards the woods. After a while i found the cabin, this was the only place i had to myself. My safe zone, away from everyone and everything. The only place where I could truly be myself and let go of all the tears. I sat down on the dark grey couch in the middle of the room. My head feel back, my eyes closed. The only thing i could see was my mom, all the memories of her was flashing in my mind. Her voice, the song she used to sing to calm me down. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes. Why did you have to go so soon? Why did you leave me alone here with dad? I felt so alone, I didn't have anyone. No one.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, i knew it was her. My mom. But i didn't open my eyes, i didn't turn around to face her cause i  knew that it wasn't reality. She wasn't here, I was all alone, as always.

 

 

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