Questioning myself

I'm a thirteen ear old girl, questioning her sexuality.

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4. Queer.deers

 

Queer.deers was the only account I had ever truly trusted. It had a small follower counts which meant they were a lot more efficient at personal help, I loved it. if you have your own instagram account and are put in a situation like mine i suggest you just speak your mind because even if you don't get the answer you were looking for you can work a lot of stuff out just by writing it down. They were the only account I ever asked for help off. The first post I ever saw on there account was a reposted post of tumblr about a woman who always forced themselves to have crush on guys and rejected or didn't realise the feelings for girls. That's when it hit me. Was I really just an ally? What this woman had said, was too close to what I felt and then I thought back.

Reception- I had a best friend, she left in yr1 I was really upset. I spent all my time with her. I told my mother I loved her my mother told me it was friend love. I never questioned it I left everything for her, nobody liked her, so when she left I was bullied for being her friend.

Yr2- I made a best friend who I spent all my time with she was beautiful, I loved her too, we had a best friend hand shake and everything. Friend love I thought. She became popular and left in yr5. I met her again in yr7, I gave her my phone number she never text.

yr7- my own step-sister who i would still die for even though i accepted that she would never back, losing her scared me to death. This was after only a few months. We just clicked.

They are just the few crushes I think were obvious, there might have been more. I was small maybe they were just friend love but something, something, must have been different. 

That short haired girl by the way, she's really cute, but she has a lot of drama, she likes a guy and hopefully nobody I know reads this she hurt herself, I found out by accident. I dont think she does now but I worry, her glasses are really dorky. she makes me laugh and our DM's always make me laugh when i receive one i immediately brighten up. I told people I have a crush they guesses all the boys, 2 have asked me if its a girl since I have expressed my disinterest in boys. Now I'm left to wonder. Is it another forced crush. Or does this girl who's depressing, who has a crush and is in a relationship with another person, is straight who I know that if I told her she would break down, do I really like her!? Her glasses her lovely browny ginger hair. I'm not jealous of her boyfriend, should I be? 

 

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