Please Stay

This is a story about Chloe Hyde and her journey back to happiness. Her depression had consumed her and no one ever realized it not even her family...until she finally started to actually open up to someone about her secrets.
Luke Hemmings (Never paid attention to her until they got picked to do a science project with her)
Ashton Irwin (silently liked her since he first saw her freshman year of his old high school...than Luke took an interest in her and things went to shit for him)
Michael Clifford (knew of her and picked on her a few times out of peer pressure, but felt bad afterwards. Eventually just kept his distance)
Calum Hood (actually knew her in elementary school and used to play together sometimes, but then she moved...little did he know that they would see each other again)

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2. chapter 2

I rang the doorbell and Luke opened it "Hey" He said with a smile and led me to the living room.

"Who's this?" A lady who I'm assuming is his mom asked.

"This is Chloe, we're doing a project in chemistry together, so I asked her to come over" He said and she came over to us.

"Ok, well I'm going to be leaving in a half an hour for my hair appointment" She said and walked back into the kitchen.

"So umm, what did you want to start with?" I asked and crossed my legs in a pretzel on the couch.

"Well actually" He paused for a second and I knew exactly where this is going. He knows-he knows the old me, shit.

"Umm, I think I should go" I said and started to get up, but he stopped me.

"I was just going to ask about all the bruises and marks on your arms" He said and I sat right back down.

Damn, I'm such an ass "Oh, ok, I'm sorry" I replied and got wicked friggin red and feeling as hot as a fucking furnace.

"It's ok. Did you think I was going to make a move on you or something?" He asked with a chuckle.

I couldn't even make eye contact I was so embarrassed.

"I'm going to take that as a yes" He said to my silence "I'm not that bad"

I laughed "That's not what I herd"

"I'm not, but anyway, are you ok with telling me what happened?" He looked genuinely concerned, but I can't tell him the truth.

"I have anemia, so I bruise really easy, I don't even know how I got most of these bruises" I know, I said I can't lie, but this is the only kind of lying I can actually be convincing about. If people knew about the real me than they would judge me even more than they do now, and I can barley handle it now.

"Oh, ok, as long as you're not lying" He said as a warning.

"No, I just bump into things a lot I guess" I said and I know that was wicked unconvincing, but he went along with it.

For a good hour we actually both were working on the project, although I got distracted like a million times due to my ADD (which is a learning disability basically means I can't concentrate worth shit. exp...Oh hey, there's a fluffy dog. Wait, what was that, was that a bee? Oh shit, nope it's gone. Ooooo, something shiny, let's go see what it is. Shit, I just remembered I left my soda at home). We did get a decent amount done though.

Only a good two minuets later and the bell rang, so he got up to answer it "Hey guys, I totally forgot, but umm I do have someone here though" I herd him say. From where I'm sitting you can't see the door way, so it's a good distance away.

He walked back over to me a second later along with his three friends Michael, Calum, and Ashton. I only know them because Michael used to be kind of an ass last school year, but now he's kept his distance...even though we have seven out of eight classes together, which is really hard to believe, but it's true, even though I wish it wasn't. Calum I have four classes with and he's always been nice to me. He's actually one of the first people I saw when I first went to school here, he was in the office for skipping school, along with Luke, Michael, and Ashton. Ashton I have four classes with somehow, considering he's in the grade above me, but he's always been really nice to me also, so I'm not complaining. I actually went to my old school with him my freshman year, than he moved before I did at the beginning of last year, so I didn't think I'd see him again, but my jaw dropped the first day of school when I saw him on the bench, I never thought I'd be going to the same school as him again.  

"What's Chloe doing here?" Michael asked with a hint of sexual innuendo behind it.

"We were just working on our project since we didn't do anything in class today and we could both use the extra points on our test" He said and Calum and Ashton nodded.

"Ya, that's what he calls it" Michael said and I seriously was about ready to leave. He's one of the few people who know about me. I'm surprised he hasn't said anything to either of the guys, because they don't treat me like crap at all.

"Dude, we didn't have sex ok" Luke said in defeat.

"Ok, I'll take your word for it" He said, still obviously not believing him.

A minuet later they all had instruments out, except Ashton "Wait, you guys are a band?" I asked in astonishment.

"Ya" They said in unison.

"What's your name?" I'm band trash, so I always like to hear about new bands, even local bands.

"Five Seconds Of Summer" Ashton said with a smile.

"Cool, so what song are you gonna do?" This is actually a great distraction for now.

"We're practicing our cover of The A team by Ed Sheeran" Calum replied and I lit up.

"I love that song" I had the biggest smile on my face "I just hope you guys can live up to his standards" 

"Don't worry, we will" Michael said and gave me a wink that I rolled my eyes at.

"Ok" I said sarcastically.

A few minuets later they started playing and I fell in love with their sound. They're definitely going somewhere with this.

"So, what did you think?" Luke asked with a big smile, almost a little embarrassed.

"You guys are awesome" I replied and he got even redder.

Just than I got a call from Ben, so I walked off and answered "Yes?"

"Hey, umm, I'm sorry if I made you feel like shit today at school" I could tell he was genuinely sorry.

"I guess it's fine" I said with a sigh.

"Ok, well umm, I was wondering if you could possibly be my DD tonight?" I couldn't tell if he was asking or not, but I seriously can't believe him. This is what he does, he tries to get on my good side before he asks me something like this.

"Seriously dude?" I put so much sass into that, that I even shocked myself.

"Chlo, come on, this is the last time I'll ask you" I'm literally going to scream right now.

"You say that every time" I said and was so tempted to tell him to go screw himself and hang up. I get in trouble every fucking time, so this seriously pisses me off.

"Ya, but I mean it this time" Ahhhhhhh.

"You know what, how bout you just fucking walk home" I said that way too loudly, but oh well, it's better than punching a wall I guess. 

I walked back into the living room and sat back down on my spot on the couch "What was that about?" Michael asked.

"Nothing, it was just my brother" I said, trying not to sound as pissed off as I am, but probably failing miserably.

"Oh, Ben?" He asked again. As if it isn't obvious, I'm always known as Ben's little sister, it's kind of annoying.

"Ya" I said, trying to calm myself down.

They gave me my space for a few minuets to calm down and than Ashton came over and sat next to me "Hey"

"Hey" We really know how to break the ice if you can't tell.

"So uh, you look pretty pissed off still" Awkward approach, but ok.

"Ya, Ben seriously knows how to piss me off" I said as calmly as possible.

"What did he want?" He asked and I could tell he didn't know if he should or not.

I sighed "He wanted me to be his DD again tonight...after he had just broken the worst news to me and tried to apologize about it, which he knows will make me do it" Wow, I really did need this rant.

"Ok, so you're mad because of the news he gave you?" He looked so confused and I guess now that I think about it I am pretty all over the place when I rant.

"Ya, but I'm just sick of him trying to get on my good side like that only to use me like that, it gets annoying after a while" I know he doesn't really mean to use me, but that's the way it feels. He tells me all the time he appreciates me doing what I do for him and he even buys me stuff sometimes when he feels bad enough. I just hate how he feels like he can do this to me all the time and I never ask him for hardly anything.

"Oh, that would be annoying. I'm kinda glad you stood your ground than. You shouldn't let him do that to you" I didn't expect him to say anything like that, but than again, he has a little sister, so I guess it's natural that he knows what to say to a girl to make her feel better. That's how Ben gets so many girls, he knows exactly what to say. I guess I made him into a big sweet talker.

"Ya, that's like the only time I've ever held my ground like that. I guess he just really pissed me off good this time" I really don't think he understands how bad he's hurt me.

"Is it ok to ask what he did? I just don't want to like, invade your space or anything cause we don't really know each other" Is this guy for real? Most all guys...or anyone for that matter wouldn't give a shit and would just ask anyway.

"He uh-" My eyes started to water just thinking about it "Umm-he" My throat fell heavy, so I had to try and swallow it back, but failing.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked, sitting next to Ashton.

"Umm-" I quickly pushed back my tears "Nothing, but I uh, I got to go home" I stood up and Ashton looked just a teensy bit hurt. You could tell he was holding it back so no one could tell, but I have a gift, I can always tell when someone is hiding back an emotion, even just the slightest bit. My mom and brother hate it, because when they try to hide an emotion they hide it really tell and than I come in and ruin the whole act.

"Uh-ok" Luke said and than everyone said goodbye.

I walked through the front door and went strait to my room and just balled my eyes out and screamed into my pillow. Ben you fuck head! How could he do this to me? How could he leave me all alone? He knows how much I hate it here, so how could he leave? This asshole just doesn't get how broken I am and without him I'm just going to lose it. Ya I have a couple of friends, but they can never know how hurt I am inside everyday, than they'd treat me different. They wouldn't want to say something and hurt me. I don't want anyone to walk on eggshells with me. No one should have to think about every little thing they say around me. Plus, if just one person knows about how depressed I am all the time, than it'd get out and everyone would know. I'd be known as "that" girl, the girl who hurts herself all the time, the girl who wants to die most of the time, "that depressed girl". No one can ever know about my secrets. The secret about my bruises, how on nights when I feel like shit I dig my nails into arms until I can't bare the pain any longer -sometimes till I bleed- that's how I can blame it on anemia, because I don't ever leave cars like a razor. I don't want to cut because it's too obvious. I'm ok with leaving bruises because they fade easy and I'm just used to them now. They can't know my secret about my weight, I know it doesn't look it, but I have actually a very bad eating disorder, I only can admit this because I know I need to change on that aspect, my anorexia has gotten to point where I can't stay awake in class, I seriously think I actually am getting anemia, because just a little bump into a desk or a chair or anything can leave a bruise. I really do need to start eating a little more, but it's too hard, every time I look in the mirror I see a fat piece a shit, and I just want to cut all the fat off. I have tried to eat more a few times, but I just get full way too quick now, like if I eat more than a half an apple and a couple of crackers I'm full, and if I eat more than that, let's not even think about it, I feel like I'm going to puke I'm so full. 

I haven't gotten ballsy enough to actually attempt to kill myself. I almost did once, but I was too chicken shit, so I backed out. Other people would say that it was a good thing that I backed out, but I just wanted all the pain to stop, and it hasn't. No one understands how hard it is to live like this. I know there are other depressed people out there, but they just cannot understand how shitty I feel all the time. I don't have anyone, especially now. The one person who remotely made me the slightest bit happy is going to leave me, so I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't see anyone wanting to be with me as much as Ben did. To be honest, he probably did suspect something was going on with me, because he always made it a habit to make sure that I'm ok and would hang out with me when I wasn't (even though I wouldn't say anything). I'm seriously hating the realization that all my happiness is leaving for France in two months and I have a feeling it's going to go by in the blink of an eye.

I sat up after my crying fit and walked over to the bathroom, scouting the area to make sure Mom wasn't around to see me.

I locked the door and than stood in front of the mirror, looking into my bloodshot eyes and than wiping away all the tears and slashed water onto my face to help the redness go away.

A few minuets later I herd a knock on the door and looked at myself, noticing that all the redness went away and that I finally look normal again "Just a second!"

"Hurry up Clo! I'm gonna piss my pants" My Mom yelled.

I waited about twenty seconds for good measure before I flushed the toilet to make it seem like I was actually going to the bathroom.

I walked back out and into my room, picking my phone up before plopping on my bed and I got some new friend requests on facebook, Luke Hemmings, Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood, which I accepted and some other guy from school -who is very wildly known for sleeping with literally every girl he sees, even the ugly's- ...I denied that shit. 

A few minuets later I got a message from both Luke and Ashton asking me if I was ok now.

"Ya, I'm fine now" I texted them both.

*********************

Surprisingly both conversations lasted almost all night and I couldn't believe they actually wanted to talk to me at all. I'm like the most boring person I know, so it just baffles me.

"So do you want to do the same thing tomorrow like today?" Luke asked. His conversation is still on going. Ashton had to go to sleep because he had to wake up at like five o'clock to go to a dentist appointment at seven that's almost two hours away. He said he was pissed for making the appointment, not thinking about how long it takes to get there.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"Where we just work on the project at my house instead, cause I don't know, I kinda like it better that way" I don't get why he would like it better, but ok. I hate doing things in school as much as the next person, so why not.

"Sure, I hate that class anyway" I replied and than he went to bed.

Now it's just me and my thoughts. I could pull up netflix on my blueray and binge on American Horror Story -which is probably the better choice- but who says I make good choices.

So I didn't fall asleep till about one o'clock -which is actually early for me- wallowing in my own self pity. I know I'm going to wake up about four or five times due to my insomnia -which fucking sucks ass by the way- so I probably should try and go to bed earlier than I do, but oh well.

It's not like I'm going to blame it on anyone else or expect pity for being so tired all the time, so I think it's ok. 

 

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