I Love You By Anonymous

This book is filled with endless amounts of love letters, comments,wishes,and desires from people who like most of us had something to say to that special someone and decided to write it down anonymously.You the readers can also leave anonymous stories in the comment section and they will stay anonymous and they might end up in the book.

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4. The Unexpected

I was never the type to fall for someone so easily, let alone your type. You were the laid back, game-with-anything, happy-go-lucky kind of guy and I've always imagined myself with a strong-willed and ambitious guy, someone who actually has plans for his future. I never thought I'd become so close to you, let alone fall for you.

I tell you this though, I couldn't help it. I couldn't help myself because you were so nice to me, too nice even. You drived me everywhere I had to go, you changed your whole music library to match my favorites, you always initiated to talk to me 24/7 just to ask me about my day and tell how yours is going, you were my cuddle buddy. You even claimed to be my "boyfriend." And when you transferred schools, you told me you were still going to take care of me no matter what happens. I couldn't help but fall in love with you, all of you, your flaws and your weaknesses. I had the strongest desire to wash away all your pain and I dreamt of taking care of you for the rest of our lives, but I had no right because you weren't even mine yet. 

So when I finally had the guts to confess what I have bottled up for years, you told me I shouldn't have fallen for you, that you loved me not in the same way, you loved me only just as your best friend. 

Now I'm trying to understand where I've gone wrong, if it is my fault I assumed about "us" or if it is yours for being far too nice for a "friend." All that I know is it hurts so fucking bad to fall for someone, thinking you have a chance, only to be let down by reality. Oh, and bonus points if it is your own best friend.

 

Love,

Your Best Friend

We chose this, dear heart. We can always wonder about what could've been, but in the end you chose her and I chose to let go and be happy with him. And I am. I miss you all the time and I probably always will. But I need to stop wondering and start living the life I have now.

H

      Anxiety for me is a very real thing and I wish I could tell you everything I feel when it happens and that It can start off as just the slightest gut feeling, just a tiny little sinking feeling that I can't shake. It doesn't bother me usually I'm sort of used to it but its there.

It starts to grow a little like a cloud of just laziness, I begin to find ways to procrastinate my time and justify not going places, not seeing people, not leaving my house. Even when I'm really excited for things I start doubting whether I should go, whether people would even want me there, or more so whether anybody would even notice if I wasn't there.

Sometimes I can convince myself out of it, tell myself I'm being stupid but other times it just doesn't work. And god damn I wish It did work. Other times I start picturing how great of a time other people will have and how I'll just be an awkward add on that they are forced to be nice to. It's usually late at night when I can't stop. It just festers. I'm alone and vulnerable and the night seems like a continuous blackhole. 

If I let it, I can make myself physically ill, shaking vomiting and staying up late into the early morning hours. Nose red and raw from crying, my pillow soaked from screaming and shaking into it. It scares me knowing I can do this too myself but sometimes the bubble just is too big and I can't handle it.

So please know I did really want to see you, I was very excited but I couldn't. I wasn't trying to bail on you I just couldn't fight today and I'm sorry, I really wish more than anyone that I could.

-Forever T

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