His Girl

4 years after Damon Salvatore had passed away, Elena Gilbert stopped looking for solutions to bring him back. She stopped believing that there was hope she'd see him again. The first year was hard, but it became easier. After four years, she finally moved on until the feeling of deja vu washes over her.

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2. One. The First Year

No, this can’t be happening, not like this. It shouldn’t have ended this way, not this soon. The feeling of the world crashing down all around me was too much. The emptiness I feel is much worse now. How do I explain that I’m not okay or I’m not fine. In May 2009, I lost my parents to a car accident.

They went over Wickery Bridge and I was the one who was saved, not any of them. It was my dad, Grayson Gilbert who insisted that I should be the one who lives on. Though, I don’t think they could’ve handled the loss of their daughter. Living my life without them was difficult. It was painful.

Getting through school was the worst, but I had to paint on a happy smile. Although lying to everyone about what I was truly feeling, it didn’t actually feel good. I felt terrible on the inside. How could anyone understand what I was going through?

Standing outside the Salvatore crypt, that is how I felt. Losing him was losing a part of who I was. I can’t just be the same person any more after that. How am I going to continue on without him right there beside me?

I didn’t think that when I met him that I would fall for him altogether. I could only think back to the day we had met up at the Salvatore boarding house. His blue eyes and that smirk of his. If only I had known to stay away from him, maybe things would’ve been different.

Maybe he’d still be here, but not with me. I don’t know if things would’ve still fallen into place. Reading through my diary entries about all the events that have happened in my life since my Junior year of high school allowed me to reminisce on the good old days.

There has to be a way to get him back somehow, but I doubt that would be possible. “Elena, stop trying to bring Damon back.” Caroline Forbes wasn’t too happy with the idea of bringing him back. Guess she was okay dealing with the fact that someone who dies should stay dead. Bonnie Bennett agreed with her, even though she was still helping me with finding a spell that could bring him back. I still fail to give into the idea that Damon was actually dead.

Damon Salvatore, a vampire that I never expected to fall in love with. For the years that I have known him, he would frustrate me and make me happy altogether. We weren’t soulmates, not that I believed in having one. Being around Damon was the best thing to have ever happened to me.

I have denied falling for him and thinking about what our future might be together. Of course, I’m human. I didn’t dare give up hoping that we’ll be together again. “Caroline’s right. You’re going to have to let him go Elena.” Bonnie reached out to comfort me, but I pulled away from her.

My friends were doing their best to support me, but they weren’t being very supportive like they usually are. I walked into the Salvatore crypt and saw Damon’s coffin. It was closed. I knew his body had desiccated. It’s only been 24 hours. I placed my hand on top.

I was holding back the tears for so long that they finally fell onto the coffin. Damon, I wish you didn’t have to leave me. I wish it wasn’t you. I wish that you were still alive. I don’t care if you aren’t with me, at least you’d still be alive.

How can I go on without him? “Elena, it’s time to go.” I heard Alaric’s voice behind me. My heart breaks a little on the inside. I wiped my tears away. I’ll come back for you tomorrow. Damon, I’m not giving up on you. I walk with Alaric back to his car to take me home. The drive back to the house was quiet. I wasn’t the only one missing Damon. Alaric was too. He lost his drinking buddy. At least he stayed behind with me. Jeremy left town and Stefan went with him.

Stefan Salvatore, the younger brother of Damon, is also a vampire. He was someone I had cared deeply for during my Junior and Senior year of high school. I felt that when we ended our friendship was the right thing to do. I haven’t seen Stefan since he left with Jeremy.

Jeremy Gilbert, my younger brother who in some odd way is more like my cousin. John Gilbert is his uncle, who happened to be my biological father. My biological mother is Isobel Flemming, who is Alaric Saltzman’s dead ex-vampire wife. It’s funny how life works out.

Alaric parks the car in front of my house. The two of us are living together under the same roof ever since Aunt Jenna passed away. “You don’t always have to look out for me Ric. I’m eighteen.” I told him as we enter through the door way.

“I know Elena, but I just want to make sure you’re okay.” I looked at him and wrapped my arms around him to thank him. I’ve thanked Alaric for a lot of things since he first moved to Mystic Falls and became my history teacher. He’s not really my true guardian, but I’m glad he had taken the role of one. “You were the last one to be with him before he died.” I pulled away from the hug.

“If you want to talk, I’m here Elena.” He reminded me. I nodded and told him that I’ll be upstairs in my room. I retreated to my room and closed the door behind me. The house is a lot quieter now than it was before. With Jeremy gone, the house hasn’t felt the same.

I would get letters from Jeremy telling me how he’s doing, but there’s no mention of Stefan. Maybe Stefan left him too? I sighed and sat down on my bed. I take out my diary and opened up to a new page. It’s been a while since the last I had written in it.

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, Damon Salvatore died. Still, I’m not sure how to take this all in. It’s hard for me to pretend that I’m okay. I can’t just paint on a smile and act like I’ve moved on from his death. I’m not giving up on him. I won’t ever give up on Damon. A part of me thinks he’s in this deep sleep and one day he’ll wake up. I know that’s not going to happen. He’s not going to wake up, not from this. There’s no miracle cure to heal a werewolf bite. There’s no spell to keep him desiccated until it’s decided he should wake up from a long nap. The image is still there in my mind, or what was described to me over the phone. I wanted to see it for myself. I wanted to see that he was really… gone.

The stake in his heart. Was it placed there by accident? No, this was no accident. Someone wanted him dead. Someone wanted me to suffer. They said moving on will get easier with time. Will it ever be easier when losing a person you love? My parents, Aunt Jenna, and Damon. They’re all in some way a part of me. A part of me that I can’t ever get back because they’re dead, for good.

Stefan hasn’t spoken to me since then. I’ve called him multiple times, but no one picks up. There’s not even a voicemail. Has he changed his number? Has he completely forgotten about his life here in Mystic Falls? Has he forgotten about me?”

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