Just To Say "Hi

This is a poem about what it feels like inside to lose a parent as a child - and about the turmoil it creates.

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1. Just To Say "Hi"

I wish you could come back
Just to say "Hi"
If only because
You didn't get to say "Bye"
So often I long for your hugs and your kisses,
And I know in the depths of my heart that you miss us.
"Come back" I cry out in my bed when it's night,
"Come back" fighting tears off with all of my might.
I know it's been years since you had to go,
But no one sees the tear stains that streak down my pillow.
I know you are gone and you can't come back, 
But sometimes it's hard to know how to react,
Because whenever I talk, no one seems to hear
And it hurts you can see me but never come near.
The wound in my soul refuses to heal
Even though it tried to,
It really tried to.
The hole in my heart lies empty as well
And nothing fills it,
Never fills it.

I wish you could come back
Just to say "Hi"
If only because 
You didn't get to say "Bye" 
It's been a long time now and my mask is well made
But the cracks beneath the cool façade
Have not yet even begun to fade.
It's still hard when people say
"I can't wait to meet him"
When you know deep inside
Even you don't get to greet him.
He'll never see me grow.
He'll never see my life.
He'll never meet my husband,
My child, or his wife.
All that is in the future and though it's yet to come,
I feel because of my past, I'm already coming undone.
He'll never see me graduate,
Get my first job, or a dog.
He'll never help me drive through the night in the fog.

I wish you could come back
Just to say "Hi"
If only because
You didn't get to say "Bye"
But it's all okay now, because you live inside my heart
And I know deep inside that we'll never ever part.

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