The Proposition

Anger can be easy to feel but for some it's easier than others to feel that raging spark ignite.

Alexandra Henderson has always fought a constant battle with her anger. Made worse by the cocky Evan Escott who won't leave her alone at her new school, her aggravation at her step dad Mark and the constant pressures she faces, can she still fight it? And can she, as several pieces of her past haunt her, let the past be a lesson and learn to move on? Can she help herself to find a place where she can be happy and free?


10. Ten

~Chapter Ten~

Miss Rigley is not happy with me for the second time this week. I really wish I didn't have to walk in during the lesson because everyone stared at me. Including Evan who I try not to look at even though I can feel him looking at me. 

"I was at the Dentist," I lied and I think we both know that I'm making it up. 

She raised an eyebrow, "is that so?" 

I nodded at her, sitting down in my seat and pulling out my pencil case from my bag. I don't want to talk any more but she's not allowing that. Everyone I've encountered since mum has been angry with me. This must be what it's like for Evan every time he encounters me. I feel more awful as I think about this.  

"So, if I check with the office staff they'll confirm it?" She asked me. At this point I really don't care. I just want everyone to stop staring and for her to stop talking. I can feel it pressing down on me almost tipping the seesaw that could send my anger flying in the air. 

I shrugged slowly and she makes a peeved noise. She snapped at everyone to keep working before coming closer to my table. Now she speaks in a lower voice but still angrily. 

"I've already told you this but you need to work harder, which includes not skipping my lessons. This is the last time before I go to the head," she commented and I seriously don't know how I'm keeping my anger at bay this long. 

I just nodded slowly, staring down at the table. I hoped that she would leave me alone now. 

She sighed and walked away. I mimicked her sigh but it was one of relief, not disappointment. I was glad to get rid of her, taking a few deep breathes to try and get the anger in me to dissipate. 

It wasn't working very well. I still felt enraged about the tones people had used towards me. I just felt shit, that's why I ran out of school, was that too bad of me? 

Maybe it was against school policy and rules but I found myself not caring. I couldn't stand anything anymore, I just felt so angry but I also felt sad. So fucking sad. And that angered me too. 

It was a vicious circle.  

"Hey, curly," are seriously not the words I needed to hear right then. I closed my eyes and thought to myself, give me strength. I just wanted to be alone and to mull over in my own horrible thoughts. 

"Hello, Evan," I greeted him sourly and I'm surprised I actually said anything at all. I didn't feel like saying anything, just screaming so loud that my lungs would hopefully give out. 

looked up at him reluctantly and he didn't look cocky. Or amused or just anything remotely Evan-y. He looked concerned again, like earlier. It unnerved me more than I thought it should. 

The next thing he said especially unnerved me. "Are you alright?" 

I almost choked on air because I didn't know what to say. And because I'm still surprised at his change in tone, even though I've started to notice more and more that he has more than just that one cocky tone. I still don't like it, I don't want to talk to him even when a voice in my head is telling me he's just trying to be nice and I shouldn't be so cold and mean. 

Whilst this is all going on in my head he still stands there not removing the concerned expression. Finally, I speak. A simple, "yeah," even though every particle of me knows that I was lying through my teeth 

I wanted him to walk away or for Miss Rigley to shout at him to go back to his seat. Neither happened. 

"You really didn't look great earlier," he told me lowly, like I didn't already know. 

"Thanks for the reminder," I replied sarcastically and I'm shocked I can even utter a single word. Words don't want to be coming out of my mouth, I just want to sit here and do nothing at all. 

"I don't mean in an appearance way," he quickly remarked and it was almost as though he sounded apologetic. It takes me aback but I realise that lately I don't really know Evan anymore. I thought he was just a cocky, annoying idiot who hated me... But turns out there was a lot more to him than that. A whole more being that he loved me and he could be nice... I ignored the brewing thoughts in my brain, not wanting more confusion right now. 

"Whatever," I stumbled out a reply, my voice low and clearly annoyed. Maybe if I sounded annoyed enough he would leave me alone. He hadn't done that in the past though, so why would he do it nowIn fact, before the more annoyed I'd become, the more it seemed to make him continue talking. 

I wanted to sigh but refrained from it as Evan sat down into the seat opposite me. I also wanted to scream at him to go away but I didn't. On any usual day I would have snapped at him but not anymore, it was different this time. There was no energy left in me to do that no matter how annoyed I felt. I was just tired of it all and that included being angry with him. So I tried not to be. 

"Miss Rigley will probably tell you to go back and work soon," I told him and I shift paper in front of me as another distraction against my bad thoughts. 

"I think she must hate us both by now," Evan decided and I nodded in agreement. 

"At least you haven't tried to skip her lesson twice," I continued and everything about how we're both talking, almost nicely, together seems so strange... But it feels better too. My anger is not raging this time and I feel odd and awkward but... 

like not feeling so very fucking angry just this once at him. 

"Ah well, she'll get over it," Evan muttered casually and just to make this whole thing more unusual he smiles at me. It's not a cocky smile, it's something else. I can't quite understand but I don't have time to puzzle about it too much. Miss Rigley really, really hates us both now and she didn't appear to be getting over it. 

"Honestly, is this the time to have another date!" She almost screamed at us and I can hear sniggering around the classroom. I instantly regret not snapping at Evan to go away. If I did maybe this wouldn't have happened. I scowl at Evan. 

The anger is back. 

"She didn't invite me over here, Miss," Evan explained to her but she's having none of it. 

"I've had enough. You two are coming to see the head after the lesson," she yelled at us and I feel my stomach writhe uncomfortably. This is not what I need right now and I instantly feel like punching something, maybe even Evan. 

"This is all your fault," I muttered in contempt at him as he's sent back to his seat. He said nothing and in fact he's pretty expressionless as he walks away. I think that's the worst expression of them all, I have no clue to what he's feeling. I admit that it scared me a little because I just wanted to know exactly what he was thinking about now. 

I knew I wasn't really going to find out from just looking at him so I stared down at my paper again. I know the class is talking about what Miss Rigley said and laughing about it all. I want to smack every one of them in the face, but instead I just stab the paper with the pencil in front of me. I'm completely and utterly done with today and I was when I woke up. 


Later Evan and I sit outside the head's office whilst Miss Rigley has a long conversation behind the closed door. I don't know why there's so much for them to talk about. All we did was bunk off a class accidentally together, I bunked off on my own and then Evan came and sat with me when he wasn't supposed to. It wasn't that bad, was it? 

"So, how many weeks detention do you think it will be?" Evan asked aloud and it irritated me that he sounded cocky again. I was angry with him and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to him. I was sitting here because of him after all.  

When I didn't reply to him he decided to speak again to fill the gap. "I reckon a good couple of weeks. Adults like to blow things out of proportion." 

"Evan's like to talk too loud when they should shut up," I retorted, finally unable to keep my mouth shut. My bitterness wanted to spew itself into words. 

"And there's the angry voice of Alex which we're all familiar with," he commented and he has no idea what nerves he has struck. 

"Shut the fuck up." I don't even care about my language at this point. Even if the teachers could hear, I don't care, he can't just get away with making a comment like that. 

I don't want to think about the fact that he knows that I'm usually always angry, or the fact that he said he loves me and I don't know how on earth he does considering my usual mood.  

"Alright, wasn't insulting you, just an observation," he told me and puts his hands up in a surrender position. 

I felt like slapping him but I don't. That would have just confirmed the whole anger image, but then I wonder why I care about that... I don't want to be a horrible person I guess. But do I not want Evan to think that I'm always angry either? 

I close off all those thoughts, they're too much to handle and I don't want to address them. But a part of me wants to think about them though. I find myself casting my eyes onto Evan. 

I decide even if I think I hate him, I don't want everyone to think I'm always angry and annoyed. It just feels less of a deal in regards to Evan, like I don't care what he thinks. After all he was one of the people who made me angry, I'd already proved to him that was a big part of my character. 

My eyes fell to the floor again and that horrid sinking feeling wound its way up to my chest. I promised to myself that I wasn't going to let my anger control me anymore but I'd not been very good at being different. I'd felt shit all day and sad but that hadn't kept the anger back for too long. 

I was a horrid, horrid person. 

Suddenly, I'm crying and I can't stop it. I jumped to my feet, hastily mumbled, "I'm going to be sick," before I turned on my heel. I started to scurry away, not wanting to let on about the tears.  

Evan called after me, "wait, Alex..." but his voice trails out. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I just want to cry on my own. 

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