The Proposition

Anger can be easy to feel but for some it's easier than others to feel that raging spark ignite.

Alexandra Henderson has always fought a constant battle with her anger. Made worse by the cocky Evan Escott who won't leave her alone at her new school, her aggravation at her step dad Mark and the constant pressures she faces, can she still fight it? And can she, as several pieces of her past haunt her, let the past be a lesson and learn to move on? Can she help herself to find a place where she can be happy and free?

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8. Eight

~Chapter Eight~

Mornings never were my thing but that morning was particularly horrible. I woke up, wrapped up in blankets, in my clothes from yesterday with chocolate stains down my front. What a mess. 

I had taken to masking my emotions with eating, needless to say I regretted it when I woke. I rushed to have a shower and dress in clean clothes for the day. Not that I wanted to actually leave the house but I knew I had to. I'm not sure the world would be so kind about chocolate stained t-shirts, even if it was a Friday. 

I tied my damp straggly hair up, not feeling bothered enough to dry it and applied minimal make up to my face. I covered the bags under my eyes and masked some of the spots off my face. It was odd, you could mask the imperfections of your face all you liked but you personally still know they're there. Just like concealing your anger, you still know it's bubbling away somewhere inside you. Waiting, paused, almost in a pugnacious position, watching beadily for it's next prey. 

I slammed the door of my wardrobe shut, hiding the mirror which I had been looking in. That's quite enough metaphorical thinking for one day. 

I declined the stairs, grabbed my school bag and without saying a word to Mark, who emerged from the kitchen when he heard me coming, left the house. I didn't have the energy to speak to him, I needed that for the day ahead. 

I walked to school briskly under another cloudy day. It had been as though the sun never wanted to come fully out recently. It had been so dark and murky, much like my mood. 

"Alex, wait up!" 

I briefly closed my eyes, before turning with a fake smile to see Leanne. I just want to be alone. 

"I've been behind you for a while, thought I would speed up and walk with you," she explained as she joined my side. Her smile annoyed me because I didn't feel in the mood to be around happy people. 

"Oh, right," I said bluntly, unable to insert any kind of sociable tone to it. I didn't feel like talking to her, in fact I didn't want to see or speak to anyone.  

She seemed to ignore my tone, still in the brightest of moods. Maybe the sun had embodied itself into her and that's why the weather was so bad. I shook my head at myself and my idiotic thoughts. 

"Had any more meetings with, Evan, lately?" She questioned with a wink. I swallowed hard, trying to stop the scrunching of tension in my body. 

"No." I tried to remain calm in speech, only saying one word in reply. 

I could feel her looking at me sideways. She sighed. "I guess you don't want to talk today." 

I nodded slowly hoping it wouldn't make me out as rude. She shrugged and continued on, "we all have days like that." Although, I'm pretty sure Leanne never went a day without wanting to talk to someone. 

Her voice washed over me as she walked on. If I could drown out her speaking it was almost like I was alone again. Almost. 

But when I got to school it was harder to feel isolated. The noise and flurry of people was too much to allow yourself to feel separated. I lost Leanne in the crowds somewhere, pushing my way through to my locker. Then I wished I really hadn't decided to go that way. Evan was standing leaning against my locker. Shit. 

I made to turn around, hide in the bathroom, anything to avoid him right now but I couldn't. He'd already caught site of me as I emerged from the hustle and bustle of the school morning. 

Why did he always turn up to see me at some point? Because he loves you. I tried to cast the thought out of my head but the stretched string of it kept holding on to my brain, stuck fast. 

"Hey, curly," he greeted me with the usual Evan sound to his voice as clear as day. At least he wasn't moping anymore. 

I shoved him out of the way to get to my locker, not attempting to start a conversation which I knew would probably end badly. Evan watched me as I pulled things out of my bag, fumbling with books and stray pencils. 

I realised we never addressed his shouted confession to me. We'd not spoken about it yet. And I knew I didn't want to. It was worse enough thinking about it, I didn't want to have to stand and listen to him talk about it all. I wouldn't know what to say to him either.  

"You seem to be taking your time," he spoke up again and I could tell he was doing his classic Evan smirk. 

I was taking a long time, not really sure what I was doing with my hands as I moved things unnecessarily. I didn't want to turn and face him. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to do anything that would set my emotions spiralling inside. 

"What's up with you?" He further asked and I could hear the glimmer of something more than just cocky Evan, something more compassionate. 

I shook my head as though to say nothing, slowly shutting the locker. I turned and tried not to catch his gaze. He was standing with his hands in his pockets looking at me with one raised eye brow. 

I realised my hands were shaking and so were my legs. I tried to stop it, not sure why it was happening and why now. 

Something just felt wrong. I was so tired and weak and sad. It was draining my body. After last night I didn't feel like doing anything, talking to anyone, seeing anyone. But I'd already had two people approach me and I wanted to shut them out. Why wouldn't they just let me be alone? 

I was shaking more violently. Evan's expression changed more, it almost looked concerned. "What's the matter?" 

I balled my hands into fists. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone? He seemed to be getting closer.  

I pressed my fingers together harder. It was the anger again. No. Fight it. 

Tears stung my eyes. "Leave me alone." I whispered it but I knew he heard as he drew back slightly. 

He looked as though about to speak but a second look of my face seemed to make his mind up about what to do. He stayed silent. 

I didn't know why this was happening. I didn't want to be seen crying but I felt so tired and helpless that I couldn't stop it. I was so weak, so weak against fighting the anger and the raw emotions. I couldn't do this. 

I turned and I ran. There was nothing else I could do. I didn't want to be here. 

Although my whole body was shaking I made it out of the school quickly. I didn't care whether people murmured after me, telling me I was going the wrong way. That was exactly the point, I wanted to get out of the school grounds, away from people. No one could stop me. 

I tried to run faster but my legs were too sore. They weren't used to this kind of exercise, I never was much of a runner. For the sake of not falling over I slowed to a walking pace. My breathes were heavy and I could feel every muscle aching, but I kept walking. 

I approached an alley way between houses, unsure of this being a way to my house. I spotted two girls skulking in the dark but at this point was too far down the alley way to be able to  turn around and walk back without it looking too obvious. 

I held onto my rucksack strap tighter, steadying my breathingJust keep walking.  

It seemed rather clique that there were scary looking people in a dark alley way. People always warned about keeping away from them. I didn't know what possessed me to choose this as a path to my destination but now I was on it, I had to commit to it. 

One girl was sitting on top of a bin smoking, the other leaning against the brick side of the house. I attempted to keep my eyes away from them. I believed if I didn't look at them I wouldn't give them a reason to find anything wrong with me walking past. 

I could feel their eyes burning into me as I ambled past trying to be quick but also look like I wasn't hurrying too much. Keep calm. 

They said and did nothing, continuing on in their poses. I breathed out more deeply as I felt a safe distance from them and soon emerged into the street of houses beyond the alley. That wasn't too bad. 

I hitched my bag more securely on my shoulder glad that there had been no bother. I had remained rather calm in the situation. 

I wished I could control myself like that all the time. 

Sighing, I turned another corner approaching my house. That's when I heard the loud yell. 

 

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