Notebook Diary (Jungkook ft. V)

Daily basis emotions brought to you into a book with a sad ending. How do you think the fictional life of Jeon Jungkook is? Who do you think he meets online? Is it his mind reflection, and imagination or is it a real person on the other side of the world feeling what Jungkook feels? *Inspired by a book I read. By no means am I copying it, or something like that.* *updates every thursday and monday* ENJOY!

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1. Entry 1/Dec.9

Is it so hard to feel like you are worth it? All day I have been feeling pretty decent compared to other days, but I just- I just ate this pizza, and it was just disgusting, and now I feel disgusting, and I don't know how to react. I feel angry. I feel like I want to stab myself, and just get it over with. I hate feeling full. Why did I get so full? I shouldn't have. Fuck it. Might as well go cut myself later right? < quoting my aunt's words.

Today I was at school, and people get me really angry. And I didn't know how to control my feelings. I went back home, and threw it all on my aunt. She basically said, "Just go cut yourself like you always do. Won't you? Go! Before I send you back to Korea!"

She didn't even say it. She yelled it. She spit it in my face that I have a problem. She can't simply dare send me back there. I don't want to see my parents. I don't. I might as well jump out the damn plane on my way there. My parents cannot find out about the whole situation. They won't. They can't. Never.

In the morning I didn't eat anything. Feeling pretty good about that I had continued on with the day, and had this shitty donut at school, because my friend was shoving it in my face. She won't know I have a problem. She can't. I won't let it happen. So I just ate that donut, and that was it until now that I had to go to this party, and without thinking clearly I had eaten an entire box of pizza. Why did I do it? I don't know. All I know now is that I feel angry, useless, gross, fat. Did all my efforts fly away with the wind the way my ways of trying to get better did? I can't stop now. No, no. That's not what my brain is telling me. Gotta listen to my brain right? Not my heart. Not everyone around me.

Gotta listen to auntie though right? Right?

Should I just go, and break another one of those razors..

Might as well.

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