Loving or Lying

A girl. Broken from the outside in. The world around her, confusing and large, yet suffocating and small.

A boy. With no meaning in life. And so close to giving up, due to one situation after another, always so disappointing to his eyes.

What will happen to these two broken people.
And can two halves make a whole?

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1. Chapter 1

*April's POV* 

The pain was all I could focus on at the time. The faces.

 

Endless staring faces all filled with worry or pity or just general sadness. Surrounded by such sadness is not something I wished at the time. Just to get away from it all is what I wanted most. To escape my own pain mostly, since having the pain of others weigh upon your own shoulders is truly a terrifying situation. All dressed in black I guess you could call it a funeral.

I called it, 'the chance to suffer internally and more than you already are'.

No one talked to me which had been a relief in more ways than one. Dealing with the grief of others would have just added to my own.

Since my parents had died in the crash, my world had turned grey. It was like one, big, black and white movie all moving at the same pace, for the exception of the facial expressions. People had glumly and tearily looked on into the rain in their already wet through boots, gazing beyond. Some crying, some trying desperately not to, to stay strong for the other members of the service. The procession of black umbrella's had started to move towards the quaint car park which was nestled close to the chapel in which we had held the, afore mentioned, service.

I had stayed where I was, not willing to walk and face the mass of people who had come to my parents funeral. I stood, calmly, without an umbrella, letting the rain soak my dark blond hair. I didn't care about the weather or how I felt standing in my soggy coat and boots. I liked the rain. It had perfectly disguised the fact that big, fat tears had been rolling down my cheeks throughout. I cried, soundlessly and the rain mixed with my tears adding to the water on my face.

I had thought of all the memory's. The picnic's. The days out. And the times we would spend it only being us. One family, no one else.

Well, that had gone down the drain, quite literally.

Although it had seemed as if the rain seemed to wash off all the panic, all the stress.

I had begun walking, away from the graves of my now deceased parents and also headed towards the car park. Although I wasn't going to get into the car. I needed time to think and walking in the rain seemed the best idea at the time, avoiding Nana seemed like a good idea.

 

That had been 3 years ago.

 

The rain was falling again outside my bedroom window. I had always loved the rain since that day at the graveyard. Yes, I know, not exactly the best excuse to love the weather.

But then again life is made of excuses and more excuses. And just more  excuses.

 

I had decided to live on my own after the funeral. I didn't care what anyone said, I hade made my mind up about everything and realised isolating myself was the best way to escape.

 

Escape everything and everyone.

That's why I turned to books. Books helped me escape the world I hated and wanted to escape from. It was so easy just to slip between the folds of the pages and into the words. Getting lost into a literary world was the best place to be in my opinion. Reading the other problems people had and the troubles in their lives, or expressing their mental anguish through words even if they weren't real was a relief, admittedly

Although, I can't exactly talk about escaping.

I couldn't even handle my own mental anguish.

My room around me suddenly felt cold. My hands were shaking.

 

I realised, instead of blaming the world or anything else I should have been blaming myself. I was the coward. I was the one who did everything wrong. I always lost the ones I loved the most. Because I couldn't handle it, handle the pain, of losing my parents, my boyfriend.

 

And now, I felt like I was beginning to lose my sanity.

 

 

 

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