You Went Away

This poem is dedicated to my uncle, who tragically committed suicide six years ago. He was my hero, my inspiration, and my driving force through everything. He was more of a father than an uncle and not a day goes by that I do not regret saying good bye or I love you. Nor one that goes by that I do not think about him.

R.I.P Uncle Chris

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1. You Went Away

You Went Away

By Victoria D. Wethers

 

 

Some years ago today you left me behind

You told me not to worry;

Don’t bat an eyelash

You’d be back and you were sorry.

 

That was four long years ago today

You drove off in your car

I’d never see you again

Never hear you say ‘I love you’

To me or anyone ever again.

 

You said you’d come back

But you never did.

You escaped my grasp

You entered my dreams every night since

I’ve never stopped searching

Never stopped wanting

Never stopped dreaming for you to come back

 

You wrapped yourself around a tree

You didn’t want me to see

The pain that coursed through your veins

So visible were the monsters

That clouded your vision

That made you wary of the angels

 

Your body no longer identifiable,

Your car the only clue

I cried that morning,

Did you know?

 

 

The tears fell freely before I even knew

That the words. He’s dead meant, you.

The call that shook my world,

Sent me tumbling into a dark abyss

Not only did I lose you,

But I lost her as well all over again,

Did you know what you were doing?

Did you know what you were losing?

 

You fought so hard to help him,

You fought so hard to keep me sane.

I should’ve helped you;

It’s all my fault you know.

I was selfish so self involved in my own problems

That I couldn’t see yours as well

 

You were hurting,

You kept it hidden well.

But you were slipping,

Even before you fell.

You fell from this earth,

You’d never be seen again.

Not physically,

But in the dreams of those

That loved you with all their hearts.

 

My heart was ripped to shreds that day

You died.

The stitches that were carefully sewn

Ripped and faded.

The pain started anew, and I was a wreck

 

I cried for days.

I cried for months

I cried for years.

But you never came.

 

You left all that loved you.

You left all that cared

You left all you worked for.

Did you care at all?

 

The tree welcomed you to its embrace.

You gladly took it, and as you left

The tree said to you,

“There’s no going back. Are you sure?”

 

You could’ve said no, you wanted to live.

But you didn’t, did you?

You said in return, “Take me now, I want to die.”

You were selfish then you know.

How can it be my fault when I talked my father into

Talking to you?

 

Maybe you finally had enough.

You couldn’t deal in the world without her

But I lost her too.

I lost him.

I lost you

 

My heart was broken

My tears all ran dry

I couldn’t cry

Not for you,

Not for me.

My eyes were dry until I had to say goodbye

That day in the hall, where you worked

They all had words to say, but I all I had

Were fresh tears that came back to say,

Why did you have to go?

 

They said you were gifted in more ways then one.

You sang

You played

You rescued

Did you see the drawing I made for you?

Do you know that each night I think of you?

 

Did you know that, that song is on my iPod

And each time I hear it I start to cry?

Did you know my mother can no longer say,

The word ‘Metallica’ without a tear?

 

Did you know that my father cried that day?

What would you have to say,

If he told you he loved you to your face?

Did you know he blames himself for your demise?

Did you know that he wishes it was him instead of you?

 

Well did you know that I’m angry?

At you.

At him.

At myself.

Anger replaced the pain.

There was nothing to gain

After you went away.

 

 

 

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