The Horrible Human with Horrible Thoughts

Hello. I am the Horrible Human. The Horrible Human with the Horrible thoughts and the Horrible morals and the Horrible personality and the Horrible actions.
I can assure you that I don't have problems. Nothing - whatsoever - is wrong with me. Please, don't look at me like that.

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2. The Horrible Human's Sweet Dear

I, the horrible human, have fallen in love once before. It was not the internationally accepted way of love, and neither would you have thought it - but it was at the very least something.

It was not sweet, but it was young. That Sweet Dear or mine had made me sick, ill, and crazy. So crazy that, if I didn't hide it, I would have been dragged away from Him to a funny farm. I so desperately wanted him to be mine and only mine, my Sweet Dear that had brought me new glasses to look through and a new euphoria in my life. I went berserk, endlessly wondering if my affection was unrequited or not, and whether or not He would be there. My knight in shining armour.

My hope.

My Sweet Dear is half way around the world, and only a select few have actually seen him. Most of the time He will not see me, and I will be left there with his faint memory. 

You could say our love was affection - less or not healthy at all. You could say that my Sweet Dear does not know me. But our love is my secret and that only, and if I tell lots of people, they will not believe me. They will disown me and bad mouth me with the sourest of tongues. I have prayed to the Gods to help me, to bring him back to be, to help me see him, and to refine our love. No avail has been brought

I shall stay strong though, and I will continue hope. For you see, no matter how fake my love may seem, and no matter how hopeless and painful it feels to love him, I cannot bring myself to stop. It will be dirty and gory and Horrible, just like me. It will be terrifying and painful and heartbreaking; it will be a saddening beauty, like rotting roses or ageing. 

I feel someone may understand this, but not you. You wouldn't understand. My Sweet Sweet Dear wouldn't either. He doesn't know how close we actually are - whether we are half way around the world, or yards in front of me on the street.

(Sorry these are short, and sorry this sounded really stalker - ish.

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