Love at Last

It is true that some things are better left unsaid. I am guilty of being an open book, losing my filter when my emotions run high. A few sips of alcohol should do it, too. Keeping a dirty secret for as long as I have is not an easy feat. Yet, I am bounded by my morality and know that should I dare whisper my truth I’d be breaking images of my innocence, loyalty, and honor. At some point, all of those words became meaningless to me. How can I claim innocence when these horrible thoughts are running through my mind? Rather than a clear conscience, I have ended up with a guilty one. I am done trying to pretend that by keeping quiet I am somehow freeing myself, when in fact the opposite is true. I haven’t told a soul my secret.... at least until now.

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1. Intro

It is true that some things are better left unsaid. I am guilty of being an open book, losing my filter when my emotions run high. A few sips of alcohol should do it, too. Keeping a dirty secret for as long as I have is not an easy feat. Yet, I am bounded by my morality and know that should I dare whisper my truth I’d be breaking images of my innocence, loyalty, and honor. At some point, all of those words became meaningless to me. How can I claim innocence when these horrible thoughts are running through my mind? Rather than a clear conscience, I have ended up with a guilty one. I am done trying to pretend that by keeping quiet I am somehow freeing myself, when in fact the opposite is true. I haven’t told a soul my secret.... at least until now. The backstory is that I work with a man about three years older than me. We met when I was almost 19. I thought I had my whole life figured out; I knew I wanted to become a veterinarian, and at that point in my life there was nothing that I valued more than my job. Friends meant nothing to me; I learned as a child that nobody ever stuck around even when you thought they would, so I taught myself to go about my own business and not give anyone else too much thought. Then I met him, and he transformed me. He was the kind of guy that was everyone’s best friend (Certainly became mine). Crazy ambitious, driven, hard-working, yet he was also sweet, caring, and very, very funny. Not to mention, as gorgeous as they come. I’ll skip over all of the minor details, but the core part is that I fell in love with this guy and I thought that he felt the same. After all, he took me out on his motorcycle, offered me soup when I was sick, invited me out for a helicopter tour over Seattle, and we even went on an official date. He said so: it was a date! So what went wrong? Well for starters, we never kissed. Apparently, he didn’t even know that I liked him. Then he started fooling around with my “friend” who, by the way, had just graduated high school and was just a hair over 18. Now, they have a long distance relationship because she’s off at a Catholic university on the other side of the state. I can’t help but feel like if I don’t tell him how I really feel soon, it’ll be much too late.

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