A New Start

After moving to London, Ashton and Ashley start new. New house, new job, new atmosphere. Ashley works for the biggest magazine company in London. Ashton, is still going on with his drumming. After being married for two years, Ashton and Ashley are still struggling with rumors, fights, and their children growing up. Follow Ash&Ash once again in, A New Start

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5. Chapter Five

Ashley's POV

I woke up in the middle of the bed, with a deep frown on my face. Last night was... eventful. I can't believe he didn't get that damn surgery. He has been lying to me for months. Months! Saying he got the surgery, and that the doctor calls him to check on him. What a total lie.

Last night was the first time I lost it, in... months. I haven't been that way in months. Ashton is usually dramatic, but I always stay calm. But this time... I lost it. All of it. I don't know what came to me, but I was furious. Furious that he lied, furious that he would react that way, furious that he said his fingers were twitching. He wanted to hit me. He was going to hit me.

My feet carried me down the stairs, into the unwanted living room. Ashton lied on the couch, watch TV, with the remote sitting on his stomach, and his arm draped over the couch cushion, falling on the floor. His hair was moved onto the pillow that supported his head, and his head was turned to the TV. Not once did he look at me, talk to me, or move.

Did I want to talk to him? No. Did I want him to move? No. Did I want him to look at me? No. Because I know I will give in if he does.

I walked into the kitchen, and I opened the cabinet. Inside the coffee cabinet, was a note from Jackie.

The guys took me to there hotel. You and dad were screaming last night. I didn't like it.

~Jackie

I sighed, and slammed the cabinet closed, which got some movement from Ashton, as he turned to see what was going on. I rested my hands on the island, and took a deep breath. Breathe in, let it out. Breathe in, let it out. Repeat ten times.

"What's going on?" Ashton asked. I sighed, and showed him the note. "Oh." He replied. I nodded, and looked down at the dirty island, then back up to the wall. A big hole caught my attention, as I looked ahead of me. "You actually punched the wall?" I asked. He nodded.

"Look, ab-" "Don't even apologize, okay? You lied to me. You told me you were getting calls from the doctor, when you weren't." I said, turning around to face him. "I was getting calls from my doctor, but it wasn't for... that reason." He replied. "Then why? Why would you keep this kind of thing from me?" I asked. He didn't answer.

"What was the point of having a new start, if we're only going to go back five steps?" I asked. "I didn't want you to find out that way." He sighed. "That makes this situation so much better. I don't know if you realized, but I stopped, as in completely stopped taking my birth control. Which could be why I'm three weeks late." I said. "You're late? As in...." He asked. "Yes, I am late. Which is why, I set up an appointment with the doctor today." I replied.

+++

"Hello Mrs. Irwin." My doctor smiled, as he walked into the room. "Hi." I replied. "So, why are you here today?" He asked, getting out his chart. "Well, I'm three weeks late on my period, and I stopped my birth control, because I thought Ashton got his surgery done, when I didn't." I replied. He nodded.

"You know what to do, I'm guessing." He said. I nodded, and took the cup from him. "I'll let you do your thing." He replied, and lead me out of the room. I took a deep breath, as I did my business in the cup.

"Alright, let's see here." He said, as he ran tests. He hummed a tune, as I played with my fingers. I moved my head from side to side, as I thought of a song, and kicked my legs, just to waste time.

"Mrs. Irwin, you are... most certainly not pregnant." He said. "Oh thank god." I sighed in relief. "Now, you want to go back on your birth control, got it?" He said. "Yes." I replied. "Good, and you want your husband to get the surgery, right?" He asked. I nodded. He nodded as well.

+++

"Well?" Ashton asked, as I walked into the house. Let's have a little fun. "I'm pregnant." I whispered. "What!?" He yelled. "I'm pregnant." I replied. "Ashley, I am so, so sorry. I know you didn't want another baby. I know we don't have enough room, baby, I'm so sorry. I'll get the surgery, okay? I'm so sorry. How far along are you?" He asked. "A month." I replied. "I'm so sorry. I promise I will build a room, I will get a bigger house, a bigger car, whatever I have to. I'm so sorry." He said. Do I see... tears?

"Ashton, calm down." I said. "No, I can't. You didn't want another baby. And I was the idiot who lied to you, because I didn't want you finding out that I have stomach problems, but I was stupid to cover it up. I'm sorry." He said, wiping some tears. "Wait, stomach problems?" I asked. "I have severe stomach problems, which is why my doctor has been calling. My doctor from Aussie, he's been calling to get me to go. But now, I can't. Not with you in this position." He said.

"Ashton, stop." I said. He paced the floor, and took deep breaths. "Ashton, I'm not pregnant." I said. He looked at me. "What?" He asked. "I'm not pregnant. Far from it. I'm just late." I replied. "You... you just said..." He said, confused. "I know what I said. I was kidding. I'm not pregnant. But you have... stomach problems? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"You joked about being pregnant?" He asked. "Ashton, that's besides the point. You have stomach problems." I said. "I found out a few weeks ago. Which was when you asked me to go get the surgery. I did go to the surgeon, but they found something wrong with my stomach, and contacted my doctor." He replied. "Why... why didn't you tell me? Why keep it from me?" I asked. He shrugged. "This is serious." I said.

"Ashley, I am so sorry I kept it from you. I'm sorry I never got the surgery." He said. "Ashton, you need to tell me these things. If you don't tell me, then we take three steps back, which makes it more steps to move forward." I said. He nodded.

"I'm sorry too." I sighed. "For what? Joking about being pregnant, and scaring the living shit out of me?" He asked. "No, for yelling at you last night, for calling you dumb." I replied. "We all have those moments." He replied. I nodded.

"I'm going to go shower, and then we can have a movie night with everyone. Did Jaclyn come back?" I asked. He nodded. I nodded back, and walked up the steps.

Once I got into the bathroom, I locked the door, and took my shirt off. Thank god Ashton didn't see. He would have died if he saw this. If he saw me like this. If he saw what he did to me last night. If he saw all the scratches and cuts over my skin. If he went into my box, and saw my needles and blades missing, he would have known. Is that why he kept saying he was sorry?

+++

"Hey Ash?" I asked. He looked at me with sad eyes. He knows. I sighed, and sat next to him. "When did you find out?" I asked. "When you left." He replied. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "Why?" He asked. "Everything was going on, and I was angry, and scared." I replied. "Scared?" He asked. I nodded. "Why?" He asked. "I thought I was pregnant, and I was scared of.... you." I hesitated. "Me?" He asked. I nodded.

"You said... your fingers were twitching. You wanted to hit me. I was scared you would hurt me. And our family. Or even yourself." I said. "I... scared you." He whispered. "But I'm better now." I said.

+++

Ashton and I got into bed, without him touching me. Not one touch. "I love you." I said. "I.. don't scare you on a daily basis, right?" He asked. I shook my head. "It was that one time. Only because you wanted to hit me." I replied. He nodded. "Ashton, it's okay to touch me." I said. He looked at me.

I took a deep breath, and reached for his hand. I put his hand on my stomach, and he took a deep breath. "If I would've hurt you... I don't know what I'd do." He said. "You won't hurt me. You can control yourself better than that. You would never hit a woman." I said. He nodded.

"I love you." I said again. "I love you too." He replied, before rolling over, and going to sleep. But not removing his hand from my stomach

Ashton's POV

Afraid. She's scared of me. I almost hit her. God dammit, Ashton. Control yourself. I kept tossing and turning that night, as I kept thinking about hitting her. I would go insane in I ever hit her, or the kids. I would be devastated. I know Ashley would divorce me, and kick me out. I just know it.

But what gets me the most, is she started. Again. She was clean for a while, at least I think. The only reason I knew about it, was because she left her box on the floor in the closet. If she didn't do that, I wouldn't have known.

The whole night, I kept my hands to myself. Whether it was keeping them on my side, folding them across my chest, resting my head on them, or what, but I did whatever I had to do to keep them to myself.

Until the middle of the night, when Ashley moved her head into my chest, and grabbed my arms. "I know you're awake. And I know you can't sleep. I can hear your heart beating faster." She whispered. I sighed, and put my head up. She wrapped my arms around her waist, and fell back to sleep, with my arms around her, where they belong.

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