The Coffee Quest

Join the magical adventure of Sir Tuesday von Thursday De Bruyn as he journeys to find Costa Coffee and avenge his dead wife.


25. Chapter 24 and 25 - Pirates

As I approached the ship, one of the cannon windows opened on the side and a cannon poked out the hole. It fired and a man with an incredibly curly mustache. Like seriously, you know those cartoon characters that have overly curly mustaches that do like three loop de lopes? This mans was like that but 10 fold. It had the normal swirly thing but then it came out forwards and continued repeating that pattern for like 10 consecutive loops that ends up dropping on the floor, but not quite. It was suspended a whopping 10 nanometers off the ground. It looked like a poo brown daisy chain in its way, but in its way it was also mildly majestic, and the man himself carried the same poo like aura. Firstly, he smelled worse than if you fell into the sewer and then got up and tumble dried your clothes without washing them, and then going into a job interview and get denied because you smell so you feel really shit too, and then you fall in the sewer again. Exactly like that. He also had, A very swanky hat and sunglasses. His hat wasn’t a normal pirate hat, oh no, it was infact two caps on-top of each other one facing backwards with a 15 degree clockwise tilt, and the second facing to the left with a 37 degree anti-clockwise tilt. On the front facing side of the cap there was a skull and crossbones drawn in crayon. It also seems that whoever drew it isn’t very intelligent, as the skull was upside down and underneath the bones which were actually to the left and right of the skull meaning that the skull was infact not underneath the bones after all. With all this said, the man himself was your ordinary average pirate-y , but when he spoke, his voice… his voice sounded… what was it… oh, that was it… it sounded like that of John the Grandma from another series you may of heard off.

“Arr! I’m a pirate-y pirate and I’m here for your gold!” He (she) fumbled to get her sword out of her sword holder thing, before finding it empty. “Oh Drat!” he continued “Hey, Beryl! Have you seen my sword of stabbing-ness.”

“Not in the last 60 years deary” another female’s voice replied from inside the ship.

“Oh… well… bye!”

In a split second, the man woman pirate with the really really excessive mustache had climbed back onto the ship, completely un-wounded and un-affected from having been blasted out of a cannon about 30 seconds previously, The ship sailed away like that of channel five on my television when I am holding the remote and skipping through television channels to find Dave because that's all posh british men watch ever. Oh, and if you don’t, I no longer like you.

After the pirate episode, I found the one thing that keeps palau's economy going, and that would be their cinema. In fact, they accept all currencies because palou doesn’t have one or the ability to decide on one. I even booked myself to watch a film later called Moo: The Moovie: The Moosical (starring Moogan freeman.) I’m looking forward to it, and apparently it was produced entirely in Palau.


Chapter 25 - The Mooovie

It was incredibly shit.


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