The Coffee Quest

Join the magical adventure of Sir Tuesday von Thursday De Bruyn as he journeys to find Costa Coffee and avenge his dead wife.

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19. Chapter 18 - Boarding the plane

Cold, such cold creepeth ever closerith - Dying son of William Blake

My cranium recollected the innermost memories inside of the cerebral cortex, and remembered that my main trajectory in this life of mine, was to get a coffee from the notorious chain of coffee providing beverage shops, known as Costa.

Now it was common knowledge, or so I led myself to believe, that the caffeine-based liquid of warmth was despised by any country whose people’s language ended in “panese”. Thanks to this cheeky bit of no-quite-so-general knowledge, an aeroplane seemed the best solution to my conundrum. Luckily, I had some connections at tokyo airport, because my dad’s cousin’s, fifth wife’s, ex-boyfriend’s best mate Jeff, had nothing to do with tokyo airport, but he did happen to have a very successful pet dog whose career as a pilot was the stuff of legend. He is the pilot most famously known for ‘The great banterous almost-genocide of 1997’ where the entirety of the people of the island nation of tuvalu (9,876, yeah that’s right you learned a fact! So there! Umm, yeah, LEARNING!) crammed themselves onto an Airbus A380 that was designed to only seat 853, and came crashing down almost immediately after takeoff. However due to the pooch pilot’s exceptional maneuverability and plane related skillages, only 75% of the population died. His second most famous achievement, is the fact that he is the only species of anything, that could fly a plane, apart from the very rare namibian, quad-horned, flying leopard and humans. Jeff put me on the phone with his dog, whose name incidentally was also Nigel. He spoke in a manly deep voice, which made the hairs on the back of my back stand up, as well as a warm sensation in the trouser region. “Yes, fly you I will” said Nigel, he was a man (except a dog) of few words. 20 mins and a quick cup of green sushi kimono tea later, I was on a taxi, to get towards the train station, from which I would catch a train to the airport. Suddenly, before I had time to recite the entirety of shakespeare’s greatest plays, I was on the plane.

 

The pilot spoke through the intercom “Hello, my name is Nigel, I am a dog. Do not be alarmed, any attempts at suicide, will be taken as a threat, and you will be shot. Yes, I have spoken to the management about the logic behind this. Now moving on, I will be your pilot today, now as all the checks have been completed we are ready to start. Initiating engine boot sequence.”

He continued counting down, slowly and dramatically: “10, 9, 8” Everybody abroad was getting firstly frustrated at this seemingly pointless 10 second delay, and secondly exited at the prospect of the plane actually taking off the ground. Nigel continued: “7, 6, 5,” I held my breath in all the excitement.

    


 

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