chocolate pudding or bitter gourd relief ~a review book~

a review book.
comment if you want it reviewed.
the title (preferably with the link).
if it's super long, i'll probably just go through the first five chapters and review.

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10. cpobgr review #9 diary of secrets- carolclifford

chocolate pudding or bitter gourd relief

review #9

[12.1.16.]

 


 

"may as well, i already made one mistake tonight."
"huh?"

"sure, why not?"

 

the title: diary of secrets

author: carolclifford

date published: 17 august 2015

rated: yellow

genre: fanfiction (5sos fanfiction)

age: four months and seven days old (as of 12th january 2016)

chapters: twenty-four

status: in progress

blurb: calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read sam's diary.

 

at first glance:

the 5s0s fanfiction tag genre. i mean, the last fanfiction i did was on a game. and i play games, alright. but i'm not really a fan of boybands, and erm, i don't know who's who in 5sos. no offense anyone, no hate.
*five minutes later*
so, google tells me he's the bassist of the band. dark hair. dark round eyes. round nose. whew.

 

chapter one: prologue// sam's pov-

pov. i'd prefer it if it was just 'sam' written. and as a sub title- sam in italics.
anyway, the start of the story starts okay, but there's this thing that needs a tiny bit of work.

"...i fix my hair and hear him say
"i'm gonna miss that smell." confused i ask.
"what smell? the pond? or the smell of dried leaves on the ground?" he lets go of the string he was playing with."

there, the guy says he'll miss her smell, but the placing of the dialogues makes it seem as if she'll be the one missing his smell. something like,

"i fix my hair and hear him say, "i'm gonna miss that smell."
confused i ask, "what smell? the pond? or the smell of dried leaves on the ground?"
he lets go of the string he was playing with."

not a bad chapter. 
 

chapter two: busy days, lead to longer nights-

the chapter's not too bad. a bit dramatic towards the end, but that requires it. although i was a bit confused at the start as to who was narrating the chapter, then as i read on-  i figured it was cal.
 

chapter three: the  first rumor// september 1st-

the chapter's alright. this is i guess the turning point of the story where the diary of secrets moment begins. dramatic, yes.  but good.

 

chapter four: a helping hand-

it's okay. no problems with it. just the placing of the sentences as mentioned before

 

chapter five: faulty stars and jagged  lines-

so the chapter's good. there's nothing much i can say about it.

 

over-all impression:

the story's okay. everything's okay. maybe it's a fanfiction, but everything is good. nothing really stands out, and nothing really backs down. it's like a straight moving line, which doesn't go up neither does it go down. it's an average story. not that it's bad, but it isn't like- wow. it's okay.

 

recommendations:

-the placing of the sentences
-you've got a nice story, so i might recommend a better cover
-and that's about it the story isn't bad at all.


verdict: 

:-I a null face, i give you a pudding, with just a slice of bittergourd on top. (i'm sorry)

 

***

 

next up: a garden in spring by fictionbefourblood
[keep checking the introduction chapter for updates]

 

***

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