chocolate pudding or bitter gourd relief
review #10
[13.1.16.]
"rabi'ah is a muslim.
she is not a terrorist.
she wears hijab out of choice.
she is not oppressed.
islam is a religion of peace.
it does not promote violence.
why is it so difficult for people to understand?"
the title: a garden in spring
author: fictionbefourblood
date published: 28 december 2015
rated: yellow
genre: realism
age: sixteen days old (as of 13th january 2016) *wow, it's young*
chapters: three
status: in progress
blurb: rabi'ah and Rebecca. Rebecca and rabi'ah. Two women. Two lives, that somehow come together, though perhaps not in the way that you think.
at first glance:
i'm expecting a lesbian story. and kind of love the fact there aren't any tags used for me to confirm my suspicion. yet.
chapter one: -
an e.e.cummings quote as the start. not a bad idea. not a bad idea at all. nice.
chapter two: this is the garden:colours come and go,-
as i just look at the chapter, i see paragraphs. just paragraphs. and in the second half as well. it's all so huddled together that it doesn't do the chapter- the justice it deserves.
chapter three: frail azures fluttering from night's outer wing-
the chapter's alright. but then again, the paragraphs are too long.
over-all impression:
-i think it's sort of clear that i appreciate- i emphasize- i appreciate artistic additions, renditions, or modifications to any work, be it minute, subtle or in-your-face. anything artistic in the book, and the artistry in this book has been quite lovely. and it had peaked my interest. and got me curious.
-the cover's great and the blurb where rabi'ah is in lower case, it's beautiful.
-the first line of the quote used as the name of the first chapter, and the second line as the second chapter. a beautiful, beautiful touch.
-the way the two narratives are separated and the difference in the lowercase and uppercase, a remarkable touch.
-and the fact that one of the protagonist is a muslim, and the other- a rape victim, makes me satisfied in a twisted way. firstly, because there are writers who write stories about things other than making love to one direction (not a fan, sorry). secondly, not many people would opt for a serious and delicate issue to write about. i'm impressed.
-overall, a very artistic book.
recommendations:
-the plot is nice. i love it. but the paragraphs, too long. it's a personal preference that i like shorter paragraphs better. it is too huddled.
-as for the progression, i can't say much. the story's just two chapters in, and i can't tell much right now.
-if it is a lgbt+ story, then that is very bold and i recommend you go at it delicately.
-keep up the good work.
verdict:
:-I a null face, a pudding with few bittergourd shavings.
verdict clarification to the author:
the bittergourd is for the paragraphs. but don't let that deter you. it's someone else's opinion on your work, a work that can be great. you have potential. very much potential, if i might add. i'll check in on your story after a while to see how you've progressed. i admire your ability to add in subtle details to your story, which make it great.
your story is a story worth telling, and i'd love to hear it.
best of luck, fictionbefourblood.
***
next up: x by infinite_exho
***
