L'appel du vide

I opened my eyes to behold the condition of the lady I loved; knowing that I may never see her again. The fragments of words left unsaid would be too late. To slowly bite and kiss her lips would be impossible. To feel the heat of her skin against mine… My whole body longed for her but, was it too late? Did I miss my chance?

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1. L'appel du vide

The soft whisper of danger and death. The call of the inevitable. It was never a phrase I could imagine myself using. Yet, in the cool breeze of a sunset evening, the simple phrase had become a possible end to my life. A life that may have been vanquished by the subtle persuasions of the dark...

Emerging out of the darkness, my hands curled over the icy steel handle, closing the door firmly behind me. I needed air. My mind grew far away from the conversations held behind the sealed door and I took the time to breath deeply. The wind blew my hair softly, the coal-coloured curls swayed softly from it’s perfectly messy bun. Gracefully, I slipped each stray hair behind my ear.

The sky was so beautiful.

The sun had shyly hid behind a cloud as it set in the east, causing all the colours to escape, revealing the glory behind the sky’s cool blue. Azure, violet, russet and baby blue all danced with the rich pinks that towered prominently in the foreground of the heavens.

Ambling closer to the edge of the large skyscraper, I reached out as if to touch the marshmallow cloud; my body feeling as light as a bubble. The deep purples in my flowing silky dress drifted towards the sky, pleading to dance along, lightly blowing in the wind. The silver necklace around my neck had a purple centre which joined in with the swinging motion.

It was then, at that moment, that the thought came to me. L’appel du vide. Its name was summoned from the emptiness inside me as I leaned on the edge of the building, whispers spiralling around my ears.

Looking down from the roof of the skyscraper, the urge to do something, feel something, was so great. I had thought about what it would be like before; the falling sensation.

In my hand, I held a champagne glass, in which I had a sparkling water beverage. I took a sip. The dark voices intensified with their flirtatious whispers, I felt tipsy with their callings but my mind was clear. A deep imprint was remnant on my glass  as my lips pulled away; revealing a deep scarlet colour.

In unison, all in one split second, the call to just fall, to let everything go captivated my thoughts, engulfing my mind with the one phrase that I had not yet understood. My eyes closed in serenity. All I felt was air and space. The ordering call refused to be ignored. My eyes slowly opened as I watched the rapid movement of car lights below me.The tall glass slipped from the grasp of my fingers smashing instantly. The glass shattered into negligible pieces, larger judging mirrors cut lightly into my feet; my toes squirming relentlessly in my six inch heels.

Taking a seat from the candle lit dining tables on the roof, I sat, contemplating on the view of the sunset, the feeling of letting go had disappeared into the emptiness, just as quickly as it came. I admired the way that the deep purple of my heels contrasted with the oak brown chair. My blood felt hot through my veins.

Swirling around to feel the wind on my chest, the calm breeze relieved my growing headache; the stinging of my cuts. I stepped up slowly from my chair, taking off my heels and slowly climbing up onto the skyscrapers ledge. Many people would find the view off putting, but for me, I found the sight strangely enticing. I stood perfectly still. My face relaxed as I closed my eyes, taking in the wind, spreading my fingers apart. I felt ready. Already feeling myself gravitate towards the edge, I let myself fall.

The summer air enveloped me, dragging me slowly down. I opened my eyes.

 

….

 

I had been trying to find her for about half an hour. In the moment that she left the corner of my eye, I felt that something special had been taken from me. I needed her. The smell of her perfume, how our fingers intertwined. The business celebration had been entertaining, but there was a gaping space when she wasn’t beside me. Slipping out of the closest door, I stepped into the fresh air.

I saw her. My heart pounded as the lilac of her dress faded into the mixed colours of the sky.

“Marina!” My eyes gathered water as the words came through my mouth as a croaky whisper.

“Marina!” I broke loose from the paralysis that had held me for those vital seconds which had passed; fumbling shocked to the smooth stone ledge from which she had jumped.

“Marina!” I whispered as a tear slipped down my face.I reached out to grab hold of her arm. I closed my eyes but I could only picture her fall. I clenched my fist and felt the soft material of her dress between my fingertips. Did I save her?

 

I opened my eyes to behold the condition of the lady I loved; knowing that I may never see her again. The fragments of words left unsaid would be too late. To slowly bite and kiss her lips would be impossible. To feel the heat of her skin against mine… My whole body longed for her but, was it too late?

 

Did I miss my chance?

Either way, I could never let her go.

 

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