My New Chapter in 2016

This is for the new year's competition, and it's just about my fresh start as I go into 2016.

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1. My fresh start in 2016

              Almost all of my high school career I have been focused solely on the fact that, if I don't fit in or, if no one likes me then, I have no purpose. I decided that subduing myself to being unhappy everyday was better than, being alone. I hung out with people that made me feel like I was invisible for three years of my life because I thought that I looked like I was someone. I let them ignore me, ridicule me, and make me practically their personal slave to make myself feel like part of the group. 

          I didn't even realize this was going on until about a year ago when I met my ex Dakota. He was the only person that would tell me the truth and I remember one day before we started dating, he pulled me to the side and said. " Why do you take that shit?" I was oblivious obviously to the situation that was at hand, and just said. " What?" He looked really upset and said. " Let them treat you like you're worthless, and that you don't exist." I hadn't thought about it until he brought it up but, I knew he was right. I just shrugged my shoulders at him and said, " I don't know." He offered to eat with me every lunch and take me out of the situation but, I declined. This was because at the time I believed that, even though our group of friends might be going through a tough time, it would somehow get better. I wish to this day that I would have taken his advice but, I knew that no matter if they treated me like crap, he would always be there to make me feel better about myself.

          Then summer came and he went away to summer camp leaving to be a camp leader. We barely ever talked and we grew apart. When I finally did see him again, he told me that he had started to see a girl he met at camp and that it was over between us. I accepted the fact, and even though I was obviously angry, I tried to be his friend. After about two months he had slipped in with the others and completely ignored me. He never said a word to me and it was horrible. I went into a depression, and secluded myself from everybody. This was the only time that the "leader" of the group started to pay attention to me. She would pretend to be my friend and listen to my problems. I thought that she was trying to be nice but, she would just twist what I said and tell everyone behind my back.

          At the time I had a thing with a boy in my Chemistry class, and as soon as she told him the rumours, he stopped talking to me. Everyone that I talked to at the time stopped and I was completely alone, or so I thought at the time. I didn't know that it was her until I walked up to the boy from my Chemistry class to confront him. He asked me why I would do that to myself, and after I had asked what. He had explained to me that the girl that I thought was my best and only friend told him that I cut myself. I showed him my arms, my legs were visible because I was wearing shorts, and I told him that I didn't cut. He was shocked and apologized but, I couldn't bare to look at him because he took her word without confronting me about it. Even if I did cut, you are supposed to show the person that you care and love them so that they feel important, not ignore them and treat them like they never existed.

        I then decided to ignore everyone that was in my life before and branch out to other people. I am now happy to say that in 2016, I have a group of great friends that see me in the hall and scream my name when they see me. They give me hugs when they leave and always say goodbye. I never feel unwanted and I make sure to make everyone else in the group feel important as well. I know how it feels to be the odd one out and I would never wish that on anyone. I am also happy to say that my depression is slowly going away and everyday I feel better and better about myself. For the first time in years I feel beautiful and could care less about what people think of me. I am doing what makes me happy and that's all that counts, even if that means dancing down the hall ways. I am also learning how to stick up for myself, and not cower down in a crowd because that will get you no where. As for guys, I have learnt' that I don't need a guy to make me happy, and I'm planning on being single for a long time. It makes me feel strong, independent, and in power of myself.

             So basically going into 2016, I've learnt' that no matter how scared you are of change or not being popular, if you are unhappy, make the change because it will pay off in the end. No matter how tangled up in the webs you are, you can always get out, and the people that put you down only do it because they feel inadequate to themselves and think that by picking an easy target to humiliate, they will feel better about themselves.  Finally, don't allow yourself to be an easy target, stay strong, and love yourself because even if you don't see it at the time, you are a miracle, and no one has the power to put a label on you but, yourself.  

 

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