Lilac Sky (Sequel To: High Up)


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4. Four - I'm At An All Time Low

"Sean William McLoughlin, Will you marry me?" Jack's breath hitched in his throat, memories he wished stayed forgotten encompassed all of his thoughts, he felt an immense amount of pain flooded through his chest and flooded his veins. Jack's heart ached and he felt breathing become close to impossible - as if it weren't already that way in the first place - and sorrow taking over.

He felt tingling in his cheeks, finding himself moving to touch his damp skin. He was crying? How long had he been sitting like this?

"J-Jack?" Mark stammered out, getting his lovers attention, "Please, just say something... Anything, I just need you to speak."

At first, Jack hesitated, about to say no yet again but he remembered the pain he endured. All alone, without his other half. Jack knew that another no would kill them both, yet he just could bare to hurt Mark by leaving him unwillingly. Jack loved Mark so much and knew that he was hurting his lover by staying, he was depressed and not living, though without Jack, he would be worse off.

"It's a no isn't it...?" Mark blinked tears away from his eyes, "It's okay if you-"

"Yes, Mark. I-I'll marry ye." Jack found his voice and made his decicion easily, he really did want to marry Mark but he just didn't want his beau getting hurt in the end.

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"...Like she gives the best beej's!" Arin rambled on and on about Suzy and him fucking each other in their newest Grump video, it started with a joke about them fucking but now Danny was just really not in a good mood and wanted to end the episode and leave. But of course Arin insisted on playing through the whole fucking game! Dan had stopped talking and got lost in his own thoughts and daydreams of all the things Arin had been saying but only with him instead, "Yo, Danny? You okay, man? You're being kinda quiet." Arin nudged at Danny's arm.

"'m fine." Snapped Dan.

"No, you only act like this when somethings up." He stated.

"Maybe that's none of your fucking business, Arin!" Dan growled.

"Well, shit... What'd I do?" Arin questioned, raising a brow suspiciously, still playing the game, which was supposed to be a laid back and happy game.

"Fucking nothing, okay!? Why don't you just go have Suzy fucking give you a b.j. or something!?" Dan yelled in frustration.

"Whoa, what's with you today? Like, damn." Arin still managed to keep his cool.

"Oh nothings wrong, Arin! I'm perfectly fine!" His jealousy took control by this point, "Why don't you go fuck your whore?! I mean, it sounds like you have a lot of fun with that douche!" He shouted, losing his cool. Dan was way in over his head.

"What the fuck did you just say!? How fucking could you, Dan!? She's your goddamn friend you fucking douche!" Arin had thrown his controller across the room and was soon stood, yelling at the top of his lungs.

Dan stood to match his gaze, "I said it because it's true! Fuck you, fuck Suzy, Fuck all of you! I don't need this!"

"What in hell are you saying you cunt! Is this not 'good enough' for you, Dan?! Wouldn't motherfucking surprise me! Nothing is ever good enough for you is it!?" Arin hissed in pure rage, Dan has seen him pissed at a video game before, but he's never seen genuine rage like this erupt from his younger friend.

"No I'm saying I'm fucking done trying to please you all! Every time I try,I get fucked over! Believe it or not, I actually try to make people happy! Unlike you, you're oblivious and a goddamn prick! You don't care about anything but fucking Suzy and I'm sick and fucking tired of you only caring about that twat!"

"Dan you better shut your fucking mouth." Arin growled through gritted teeth, fists balled at his sides.

"Make me you son of a bitch! Suzy is fucking nothing! She's just a fucking ugly bitch that you thought would stick around! Believe it or not, she's probably only with you at this point for the sex, there is nothing appealing or good about you in any way! She's a fucking asshole and a hoe that isn't wanted by anyone but you, that's the only reason she's with you, Arin! And I mean, you're probably only with her to make yourself think that you're not gay! The D-Club was full homo and you know it! You know that you only want her to keep lying to yourself! And You know what!? I fucking hate yo-"

"Shut the fuck up, Dan! Just shut the fuck up!" With a quick motion Arin had Dan pinned to the wall in a tight grip, tears rolling down his face, "Don't you fucking dare say one more goddamn word... Don't you speak." He cried, his head dropping to face the floor. Dan could see the tears dropping from his beautiful face and plummeting to the floor below, splattering like rain against the hard ground, "How could you...?" Arin's voice came out small after a moment of silence, "H-How could you say those things, Leigh?" He brought his head up and his eyes locked with Dan's

"I-..." Dan began but froze when his eyes met Arin's blurred ones, he examined Arin's features closely. He may have very round cheeks but his jawline was chiseled to perfection and his rough beard that for some reason was much lighter than his actual hair color. Arin seemed to be entranced in Dan's gaze, a shaky breath escaping him.

Dan's eyes, of course, wandered to the younger's sweet, parted lips. He watched Arin's tounge slowly trace over the soft-looking, bright pink, almost red lips. Dan almost moaned but caught himself just in time to internalize his lust, he sucked in a deep breath and gently brought his hands up to cup Arin's face between then, lightly swiped his thumbs beneath Arin's eyes, pushing the tears away, "I am so sorry, Arin... I didn't mean any of that... I-I... I just don't know what got into me there... I'm sorry, I am so sorry about what I said about you and especially Suzy, I don't mean any of what I said." Dan said so softly that even he could barely hear it.

"It sure as hell sounded like you meant it." More tears fell and Dan leaned in more, but stopped, not wanting to fuck anything up more than he already had.

"I didn't, Arin, I promise." Dan pleaded, about to cry himself.

"But... W-What were you going to say when I stopped you?" He spoke with such sadness that Dan felt the lump in his throat grow tighter.

"It's not important, I was just angry and being stupid." Dan refused to say it because it could never be true.

Arin stood there silently for what felt like forever as he tried so hard to hold back his tears before speaking, though he immediately begun sobbing, "Dan, were you going to say that you hated me...?" He cried.

"No, Arin, I'm sorry... Come here." Dan pulled him into a tight hug and calmingly rubbed at his back, "You know damn well I could never hate you... You're my best friend, Arin." Dan never thought he'd ever be able to hate such a simple phrase as best friend but now he couldn't even think about the words without feeling an ache in his chest.

"I'm not sure anymore, Dan... You've been so distant lately..." Arin sighed, "I've been wanting to talk to you about something but I don't think that's a good idea now...." He pulled away, frowning. Arin swiftly shut off the recording and deleted it, "Don't worry, I won't tell Suzy about this." Arin mumbled.

"Arin, you can talk to me about anything, I am really sorry about everything I said, I just have a lot on my mind right now and I took it out on you and shouldn't have." Dan apologized.

"Are you sure?" Arin asked nervously.

"I'm sure... Talk to me." 

"I'm thinking about proposing to, Suzy.”

○○○

Danny paced the room, beyond the point of drunk, he was falling over nothingness, his mind numb but his chest was still heavy with how much the rest of his body craved the feeling of Arin against it. He could just imagine Arin’s warm lips sucking hard against his sensitive skin, his warm mouth engulfing the length of his massive hard-on. Goddamn, he wished.

“Fuckin’ ‘rin. This ‘s all yur fault.” He slurred, collapsing to the carpet. He fumbled with his phone and pressed a random contacts name.

“Hey, Dan. What’s up?” The familiar voice asked, confused as to why the male had called him.

“Lis’n, I have no fuckin’ clue who the ‘ell this is but I just really need ta get fucked up.” Admitted Dan, his words giving away his intoxicated state.

“Dan, this is Ryan… Sorry to burst your bubble but I’m happily with Felix. I won’t ‘fuck you up’, but I will hang out with you for a while.”

|-/

“Ryan!?” Felix yelled throughout their small house as he looked around for his fiancé who seemed to be missing. He kicked his shoes off and shrugged off his jacket, setting his bags down by the door, “Ryan! I’m home!”

Felix stood for a moment, waiting for his lover to rush out and kiss him as he normally did, though this time he hadn’t. Felix became quickly suspicious and went in search of his future husband, calling out once more, “Ryan!? Where the hell are you!?”

The Swede wandered through the house checking each room until he reached their bedroom. He wondered if Ryan was sick and trying to get some sleep and he’d been yelling. Though that thought quickly left his mind a he heard a moan, one that was unfamiliar to him, followed by a name that didn’t quite register.

“Oh, A-Ar… Ryan!” Moaned a familiar sounding voice.

“Dan, oh, god!” His lovers voice rang out, sending a sharp pain into his chest. He threw the door open after preparing himself for what he would face.

“What the fuck, Ryan!?” Felix gasped, tears falling down his face as he saw his lover with another.

“Felix! I-I… This isn’t what it looks like!”

“Cut the fucking shit, this isn’t a fucking shitty romantic movie or a dumb goddamn book! We all know that this is more than what it fucking looks like.” He sobbed, “How fucking could you!? Goddamn it Ryan! I thought that you really fucking loved me, but I guess I was wrong! As always, I trust everyone too motherfucking much and I get hurt!” Danny saw the pain on Felix’s face and knew he fucked up, this was his fault.

“Felix no! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t… I just…” Ryan tried to find his words, “I don’t have any excuse, I am so fucking sorry, I know I shouldn’t have! I fucking love you so much, please!” Felix was already halfway down the hallway and Ryan was tripping over his pants as he attempted to follow his lover, leaving Dan by himself who quickly got changed and let himself out.

“Just shut up, Ryan, save your breath cause, I’m not listening!” Felix shouted, “Save your fucking story because I don’t give a shit anymore, I can’t deal with this. I will not be pushed around by anybody ever again! I am done, why am I even trying!?”

“Please, baby. I love you so much, I fucked up, so damn bad and I want to fix it but you know that I can’t turn back time and hell, I wish I could. I wish I could show you that I really do love you!” Ryan pleaded, grabbing Felix’s arm to stop him from walking away, “Just hear me out, Felix please.” He bawled.

“No, I’m done listening! You showed me that you, loved me when you proposed but just now, you showed me that every kiss, every touch, every single fucking ‘I love you’ was a dirty lie! I fucked up too, Ryan. I fucked up by saying yes to you when you lied to me… And you know what…? I’ve changed my mind.” Felix tugged the perfectly fitting ring of silver and gold from his finger, dropping it to the floor, along with Ryan’s now shattered heart.

“Felix no…” He breathed, no fight left in him.

“I’m done, goodbye, Ryan.” Felix spun on his heel, tearing his arm free of Ryan’s now loose grip as the boy dropped to the floor, his head facing the floor, not even moving as he heard the front door smash shut.

Ryan found himself reaching to grab the ring. He’d really fucked everything up, hadn’t he? He gently placed the ring on his own finger, spinning it around his slender finger. It was way too big for him.

“Come back.”

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