Lilac Sky (Sequel To: High Up)


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11. Eleven - Please Don't Go **Trigger**

Mark awoke, laying in a bed which was not his own. Looking around the room did not make it any more familiar to him. He sat up, glancing down at his side, feeling an arm wrapped around his waist. The skin of the arm was much paler than his own, kind of like Jack's, only Jack's arms were much larger and he definitely had more hair on his arms than this person next to him.  All that was showing of the person besides him was his pale arm and brown hair, the rest was hidden by his bedsheets. The bedsheets were oddly familiar, he'd seen them in a video somewhere. 

Man, he was so out of it.

Mark tossed his legs over the edge of the bed, moving to get up and apparently waking the male next to him, "Phil?" Yawned the other male. Mark froze in place, he knew that accent.

No.

Fucking.

Way.

"D-Dan?" Stammered Mark, his body stiff.

"Who-..." Dan stopped as he sat up, seeing the fluff of red hair that he couldn't mistake, "No, no, no... Mark don't tell me that-that... I couldn't have slept with you, it's impossible." Dan shook his head, stumbling over his words.

"I don't even remember..." Mark shook his head turning to face the other man that he supposedly had sex with.

"We-We couldn't have! I-I couldn't have cheated on-on Phil! What will he say if he finds out!?" Dan panicked.

"He won't find-"

"Dan?" Phil cut him off, both Mark and Dan jumping, turning to face the doorway, where Phil was stood, hurt in his eyes, "How-How could you...?" His voice broke, tears falling from his blue eyes.

"Phil, no... No, I-I don't know how this-this happened... I-I just..." Dan ran his fingers through his hair, tears running down his reddened cheeks as well, "I'm sorry..." Dan's voice was soft and broken.

"This-... It was my fault, Phil, don't be mad at Dan-"

"Just shut up, Mark. Don't... Just-Just leave, you've fucked this up enough." Phil snapped, "Get out of my flat." He hissed as Mark collected his belongings.

"I'm sorry, Dan." Frowned Mark as he left. He felt like an asshole, this was his fault. God he just hoped that Jack wouldn't find out.

|-/

Ryan laid panting heavily on the couch of his home, the man he hated, on top of him.

"Who's the twink now, Ryan?" Matt moaned into Ryan's ear.

"Still you, now go make dinner." Ryan muttered tiredly, needing a shower after all that. A shower in holy water that is.

"No, I'm taking a shower." Matt was off the couch, already headed towards the bathroom, "Order a pizza and go finish editing the new SuperMega episode." He instructed.

"Hey! I need a shower!" Ryan spoke, making no effort to even get up, afraid of how much pain he would be in.

"Wanna join mine, Big boy?" He winked.

"That's disgusting, fuck no." Ryan mumbled.

"Then I'm showering first." Ryan didn't protest this time, knowing he wasn't walking, or standing for that matter, for a while.

The eldist reached for his phone, groaning in pain as he did so, his body ached badly, even from such a simple motion. Maybe Matt wasn't as much of a twink as he'd originally thought.

"Harry's pizza, how may I take your order?" Asked a woman's voice through the phone.

"Uh, could I have a large ham and pineapple pizza and a large bacon chicken ranch pizza?"

"Yep, delivery or are you coming in? The woman questioned.

"Delivery to fifty-six, Dean road, Los Angeles." 

"Okay, it should be there in about forty minutes." She told him. Quickly he thanked her and went to get Matt to hurry up.

|-/

Ross reached up again, unable to grab his phone from the counter no matter how hard he tried. Being trapped inside of this goddamn wheelchair...

After failing at grabbing his phone yet again he tried once more, this had to've been close to the hundredth time he'd tried. Though, this time he leaned just a bit too far and ended up tipping over in his wheelchair, crashing to the floor below.

"Goddamn it! God-fucking-damnit!" Ross shouted in frustration as he sat up. Now he couldn't even get back into his wheelchair...

He felt so useless...

Danny rushed into the room, find his friend on the floor in tears. They streamed down his cheeks from his once vibrant, sapphire blue eyes.

"Ross...?" Danny spoke, thinking his friend had somehow hurt himself, "Are you okay?" He said softly, crouching in front of the boy.

"No! Do I fucking look okay to you Dan!?" Ross sobbed.

"Hey, I'm sorry... come 'ere." Danny dropped to sit beside the younger, pulling him into a hug.

"I'm so useless! I can't do anything anymore, Danny! I can't even good boyfriend to Barry! How can anyone love someone like this? I'm useless, I can't do anything and I hate it! I wouldn't be surprised if Barry left me..." Ross cried into his friend's chest, "Why couldn't I have just died...?"

"Hey, No... Ross, stop that." Danny frowned at the smaller, "You are not useless, we all still love you and are so glad you're alive and well, here with us."

"I am to useless, stop fucking lying!" He lashed out at his friend, knowing that he wasn't telling the truth.

"Ross-"

"Just shut up, Dan! I don't want your fucking sympathy, so just stop. Just help me back into my damn wheelchair and leave me be."

øøø

Ross sat in the bath late that night. He just couldn't take this anymore, each second that ticked by made him more and more depressed. This is what caused him to reach for the shaving razor. Once in his hands and proceeded to snap the pathetic plastic casing around the metal blades which held them in place. He took one of the slender blades , holding it loosely between his thumb and index finger. Slowly, Ross placed the item to his wrist. The male took the cold metal blade and slid it over his paper-like skin lazily, splitting it open with ease. Blood gradually poured down his arm dripping off and into the water below, tinting it pink.

Ross felt a rush, a type of high from the sensation and he loved it. The way it made him feel was exhilarating, he was no longer numb, finally he could feel again. Ross hadn't even noticed how long he'd actually felt that way until just then.

Again he brought the blade back to his wrist, slicing his skin, over and over, until it just wasn't enough anymore. Though quickly Ross noticed how it didn't satisfy his hunger to feel again. 

That didn't last long...

He sighed as he plunged his hands back into the boiling hot water. Ross sucked in a deep breath, air slipping between his teeth making a small hissing sound as he did so. The boy bit down on his bottom lip from the stinging of the water on his open wounds.

As he sat there in the tainted water, he thought. Suddenly it hit him. Realizing - what he believed - was the only way to fix this. The only way to get better.

Suicide.

He soon, shakily, lifted his hands from the water.

Ross' breathing got faster and harder. He felt this wave of anxiety wash over him as he pushed the blade to his wrist again, this time it was vertically placed on his arm. He pushed harder and squinted in pain and sorrow, "Fuck..." He breathed heavily, unable to catch his breath, "I'm so sorry, Bear..."

Just as he was about to pull the razor up his arm, just about to end it all. His chest became so tight and hands became so shaky that he dropped the blade into the water. Ross could swear he was drowning, he thought he might suffocate, making his panic grow worse. He felt this amount of... Fear, dread, horror... It was something he'd never felt before, something that caused his heart to pound violently.

Ross jumped as he heard a soft tap on the bathroom door, "Hey, I gotta pee... Can I come in?" Barry's sleepy voice yawned through the door.

"Uh! N-No, I-I'm not-not decent!" Ross stammered helplessly, heaving for air.

"So what, we're dating, what does it matter tha-..." Barry's voice fell and his whole body froze as he saw the pink, almost read, tinted water that Ross was seated in, shaking violently and gasping for air, "Ross! What...? What did you d-do!?" Barry hurried to his lover's side and dropping to his knees beside the tub.

"I-... I-I'm sorry! I-I jus-just..." Ross panted, unable to finish his sentence and beginning to cry.

"It's okay, you're okay, Ross... Shh, shh... What's wrong? Why can't you breathe? What did you do?" Barry panicked, getting no reply from Ross, "Tell me so I can help you, Ross!" Barry snapped at him impatiently, making his lover sob harder, "I'm sorry, oh shit, I'm sorry... I'm just really worried, please just tell me what happened so I can fix this... I can't lose you..." Several tears dribbled down Barry's cheeks.

"I-I don't know! I-I didn't d-do anything! I-I just can't breathe! Please, help me, Bear, I don't want to-to d-die!" Ross sobbed loudly, he was basically begging at this point.

Funny how just a few moments ago he was ready to die...

"Have you ever had a panic attack before?" Barry suddenly realized as he was getting things to clean Ross's bloody wrist.

"N-No..." More fear welled within the older.

"That's what it is I'm pretty sure. This is what happens to Danny when he gets anxiety attacks, though, yours is worse than any he's ever had." Barry informed as he hoisted Ross from the bath.

Barry wrapped the eldest and sat beside him on the floor of the bathroom. The smaller held onto his boyfriend tightly as he shook, quite violently still in his arms. Ross leaned into the embrace, feeling so vulnerable and in pain.

"B-Berry?" Ross spoke up after sitting in silence for several long moments.

"Shh..." Barry mumbled, "Just focus on your breathing for now... You'll be okay."

|-/

Jack sat on the edge of the the uncomfortable metal examination table of the hospital. His anxiety was through the roof. This was when he'd find out if the new medication he'd been having to take along side the chemotherapy was actually working.

This was when he would find out if he was going to live.

The Irishman checked his phone for the thousandth time that day. 

Still nothing.

The boy hadn't seen, nor heard from Mark in almost a week now. Jack only knew he was alive from his regular updates in videos and from his tweets.

Mark wasn't there anymore. And when he was he seemed distant, like he didn't want to be there anymore. Everything had changed and Jack hated it. He hurt and felt terrible all the time. He had nothing really to live for anymore, except for his fans because they loved him and they liked to be around him... Unlike Mark.

He'd finally decided.

He knew what he had to do now...

|-/

  Ross tapped away at the game controller rapidly, "Get off my fucking ass! Jesus Christ man, give me a break!" Ross cried out as him and Arin played a very intense round of MarioKart.

"Let me win you fucking-" Arin was cut off by his own screaming as Ross won again, Arin firing his controller across the room, as usual. 

"Ohh! You got steamrolled bitch!" Ross yelled in excitement, "Eat my crippled ass!" Throwing his hands in the air.

"Fuck you! No fair, fucking rematch, I demand a rematch right now!" Arin shouted, pointing at him, his eyes squinted in an intense glare at the other.

"We've done like twenty rounds man, you just suck!" Ross smiled triumphantly, sticking his tongue out at his asshole friend.

"I swear to god if you could fight back right now I would fucking kill you." Arin grumbled, crossing his arms.

"It's easier if I can't fight back though." Ross pointed out, smirking, knowing that he could totally still, metaphorically, kick Arin's ass in a fight.  

"That takes the enjoyment out of it." Arin muttered as he ended the recording.

"We-"

"Hey babe." Barry smiled as he dropped down to sit on Ross's lap in his lover's wheelchair, kissing him sweetly.  

"Get your fat-ass off of me, loser." Ross chuckled with this massive smile on his face that made the corner of his eyes crinkle sweetly.

"Fucking christ, you get more action than me lately and you're crippled! That also is not fair." Frowned Arin, seeing as Danny had been pretty sick for the past week or so now.

"Ha, loser." Ross kissed his lover again.

Maybe this wasn't as bad as he thought?

|-/

Arin let out a long, tired sigh. His eyes drifted to the little clock in the right-hand corner of his computer screen. The small, white numbers read, 3:42am.

"Whoa! What!? It can't be that late already!?" Arin gasped to himself in the empty Grump office. Dan must've been worried sick.

He saved the animation he'd been working on for the past twelve hours, and shut his computer down. The young Floridian pulled on his jacket and headed down the stairs of the building and out to the parking lot.

Arin began his short trek home, only because today Danny got so sick that he couldn't stay at the office so Arin had him take the car that they both came to work in, back home. Arin didn't mind the sacrifice. Anything for his Dan.

It was a really nice night, the air was warm, no chill to be found and the city was surprisingly calm. A handful of people passed by Arin, giving him a friendly nod or a gentle smile which Arin would gladly return. Though there was someone following after him, the person made him feel very... Uneasy.

The person was much taller than himself and much more muscular, by the look of the person, Arin had concluded it was a man. He'd been following Arin for several blocks now, but Arin forced himself not to worry about it, not wanting to jump to any crazy conclusions.

Big mistake.

 
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