All I Want For Christmas


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1. All I Want For Christmas

Jack bit down hard on his lips, his mouth filling with the taste of copper from the force upon the fragile skin. Mark sat on the other side of the screen, waiting anxiously for the news Jack had to tell him. The Irishman didn’t want to tell him, Jack loved Mark with every fiber of his being and couldn’t bear to hurt him.

“Jack…? I-Is everything okay?” Mark’s voice shook nervously.

“Listen… Mark I really don’t want to tell you this… But I have to…” Jack paused, seeing how scared his lover looked, he took a deep breath before continuing, “I-I… Mark, I have cancer…” Mark’s jaw dropped at his words, tears rolling down his pink cheeks silently.

“What…?” He gasped, “R-Really?” His voice broke, pain rushing through him.

“I-I…” Jack tried not to cry, but he failed seeing Mark’s sadness, “I’m so fucking sorry, Mark… I didn’t want to hurt ye… I’m so sorry.” He sobbed hysterically.

“You’ll beat this… I-I know it… You’re strong.” Mark bit his lip, trying to hold back the flood of tears flowing down his cheeks, “What type?” He really didn’t want to know, he just wanted Jack to be all better.

“Stage four lung cancer… It-It’s spread to my heart, kidneys and liver.” Jack frowned, “Everyone said I have a slim chance… I’m fighting really hard, it’s all for ye.” Jack watched his screen, “I’m so, so sorry, Mark.”

They talked for hours on end, planning trips and repeatedly confessing their love and devotion to each other.

|-/

Mark had flown out to visit Jack, seeing as lately he’d been too ill to go see him. The chemo had been really killing him, he was always sick and he’d lost all of his hair. Jack’s face was also very puffy and swollen from his medications, Mark still loved him nonetheless, he loved the small sick boy with all of his being, Jack was his everything.

“Mark…” Jack coughed, the poor thing was so sick after getting another round of Chemo the day before.

“I’ll be there in a second, baby!” Called Mark from the kitchen where he was making tea for his tiny lover. Mark went to find Jack, which was not hard at all, Jack was curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, shivering violently, “Awe, Jacky…” Mark cooed, approaching his beau, pressing his hand to the boy’s forehead.

“Mark, can ye help me get back to bed?” He pouted, attempting to sit up.

“Yeah… You have a fever, Jack.” Mark said worriedly.

“I get fevers a lot after Chemo, the doctors said it was okay.” Jack replied weakly.

“Okay, but if you get any worse we’re bringing you to the E.R.” Mark told him, getting a nod in response. Mark gently lifted Jack into his strong arms bridal-style, carrying him back to bed.

“I don’t deserve someone as perfect as ye.” Jack told him, eyes half-lidded in exhaustion.

“Oh, hush.” Mark kissed Jack’s warm forehead gently, “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get your tea.”

“Mmm…” Hummed Jack as he tugged the blankets up over his head.

Mark returned to the kitchen, preparing the sweet, warm drink just the way his mother had instructed him to. The male yawned, rubbing at his eyes behind his glasses. Mark could hear his name being called once again, so he gently and carefully carried the hot cup to Jack’s room, surprisingly the Irish lad was still in bed.

“Did you call for me?” Mark asked slightly confused as he placed the cup on the bedside table.

“Yeah, I need cuddles, the doctor said so.” Jack smiled up at Mark, the small boy was still just as lovable and flirty as always.

“Oh, did he now?” Mark laughed, smirking back.

“He also said I need lots of attention and kisses.”

“You cheeky little shit.” Mark climbed into bed with Jack who was instantly laid on top of him, Mark couldn’t help but smile. He loved this so much and wished that it could last forever, but he knew in only a few short months this warm and tingly sensation would never be felt again. The doctors gave Jack until March and all Mark wanted was to stay with Jack until then. But, he couldn’t, he’d have to sell his house to make that possible and he couldn’t stay Ireland after losing Jack, it would hurt him too much.

Mark just wanted to be able to say goodbye…

|-/

Jack had exceeded everyone’s expectations and it was now August, Jack wasn’t supposed to make it until then and though Mark was very happy to have more time with Jack he hated knowing that he could lose him at any moment.

Mark was running up the stairs to Jack’s apartment, so excited to see Jack. He had decided to surprise his lover by coming to visit early. Mark knocked eagerly on the door, Jack’s friend Erin, who was taking care of him, answered, “Hey, Mark! Jack’s sleeping, you can just head right into his room.” Erin smiled, taking Mark’s bags from him.

“Thanks.” Mark tip-toed down the hall to the Irishman’s bedroom. He shuffled silently over to Jack’s bed, sitting on the edge of it, pulling the blankets from his lover’s face, “Mmm, go away… I can sleep as long as I want.” Grumbled Jack.

“Okay then, I guess I’ll just fly all the way back to L.A.” Mark tease. Jack shot into an upright position, throwing himself around Mark, pulling him to lay down with him.

“Mark!” He shouted excitedly, “I thought ye weren’t comin’ this month!” Jack was laughing and crying at the same time, so insanely happy.

“Surprise!” Mark smiled at his lover, tears in his eyes as well.

“I love you so much!” Jack cried out, kissing Mark passionately, leaning into his lover’s touch.

“I love you too, Jacky.”

○○○

Jack watched Mark making dinner for them, pancakes. Jack loved when Mark made him pancakes. God, Jack loved this, he’ll miss this. Jack wished that he could just do this forever but he knew that wasn’t possible, “Are ye gonna miss this?” Jack broke the comfortable silence between the two.

“Huh?” Mark jumped, startled by Jack breaking him from his train of thought.

“Are ye gonna miss… This... Like… I-I’m not sure how to describe it…” Jack bit at his lip anxiously.

“Do you mean like you being around?” Mark looked over at him from what he was doing.

“Kind of, yeah…”

“Of course I will! I love you more than I could ever love anything! How could someone not miss you?” Mark sighed, turning back to the food he was making, “I’m not ready to lose you.”

“I’m not ready to go.” Jack replied as he stood from his place at the table, snaking his arms around Mark’s waist from behind, leaving gentle kisses on his neck.

“How could I not miss this?”

|-/

Mark bounced in the seat of the car, Jack’s sister had just picked him up at the airport, Mark was going to visit Jack and meet his lover’s family in person for the first time. Mark was super excited but also very nervous about this, but who wouldn’t be?

“We’re here.” Jack’s sister announced as the pulled into the long driveway to the house out in the middle of nowhere.

Mark hurried into the house and up to Jack’s old bedroom, placing his bags in there before going to find the male he’d fallen so madly in love with. Mark made his way to the kitchen to find Jack and who he assumed was the boy’s mother. Mark quietly approached his lover from behind, placing his arms around the male.

“Gah!” Gasped Jack, almost falling out of his chair.

“Hey, it’s only me.” Mark giggled, smiling brightly.

“Fuck, don’t do that ye arse!” Jack smacked Mark’s arm playfully.

“Ye must be the infamous, Mark that, Jack ‘ere never shuts the ‘ell up ‘bout.” Jack’s mother smiled, her accent very prominent, the woman spun around to face the two boys, “I’m Sean’s ma, ye can call me ma, ‘er whatever ye Americans call ye mum’s. Me name’s Tegan, it’s great ta meet’cha, Mark.” The older woman pulled him into a tight hug.

“As you already know, I’m Mark, it’s amazing to meet you. You have a beautiful home ma’am. It’s very cosy.” Mark smiled.

“I am so glad that Jack found someone as sweet as ye. Are ye just friend’s ‘er…?” Tegan watched the two.

“We’re um…” Mumbled Mark, glancing over at Jack.

“Mark’s me boyfriend, ma.” Jack admitted with a smile.

“Thank ye fur makin’ me little, Jacky so happy, Mark. I just wish that…” Tegan stopped, “Never mind, let’s stay positive…” She frowned, both Jack and Mark nodding in agreement.

|-/

“God-fucking-damn-it!” Hissed Mark, “This cannot be happening!” He was stuck in Denver after it started heavily snowing, causing him to get stuck on the way from his connecting flight to Ireland. All flights had been cancelled until further notice and this was driving Mark insane. They said once it stopped snowing they could start flying again.

Mark just had to get there, he promised Jack he would be there for Christmas. This could be there last one together and it would be a miracle if it wasn’t.

○○○

Jack had dialed the number over and over again, this had to be close to the thousandth time, “Please, please, please pick up…” Jack mumbled almost in tears. He was in so much pain and it went straight to voicemail, “Mark…” Jack broke down in tears, “I-I really need you right now… I have to let you know that I love you more than anything. I’m sorry… I-I just wish you were here now… You promised you would be. Where are you…? I love you so, so much. I don’t know if I can wait much longer and I’m sorry.”

Jack just hoped he’d get the messages in time.

 

○○○

Mark paced the terminal anxiously. He was so scared of not being there for Christmas, all he wanted was to have Christmas with the only person he will ever and has ever loved. Little did Mark know, he was losing that person right now. Mark’s phone was dead and he was trying to charge it and he had no signal due to the storm.

The boy paced back and forth anxiously, he just wanted to be in Ireland already. Mark sighed, dropping to sit on the floor against the wall, no seats left in the whole airport. God, he wished Jack was there…

“Sir?” A woman asked, crouching to sit beside him.

“Mmm?” Mark’s head whipped in her direction as she poked at his shoulder.

“I was just wondering if you were alright? You seem very distraught.” The obviously younger woman questioned.

“Erm… Well not really… I’m fine though.” Mark told her, trying not to seem like a bother.

“Would you like to talk about it? I’m willing to listen.” She offered, “It’s Christmas eve, I want to do something nice for someone.”

“Um… It’s kind of a long story.”

“That’s fine, I’m pretty sure we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.” So Mark told her everything, back from when him and Jack had started dating up until now.

“And this is most-likely going to be our last Christmas together… I-I have to get there. I have something that I have to give him before I lose him, he needs to know how much I love him…” Mark sat in tears, the woman held onto him gently, trying to help him feel better.

“I’m so sorry… I hope everything works out. You’re in my prayers, Sir.” She said as flights had started to be called.

“Thank you so much, Miss! Have a great Christmas!” He called, gathering his stuff and hurrying off.

○○○

Jack laid in the hospital bed, tears rolling down his face from the amount of pain in his body. He grasped his mother’s hand as tight as he could with his weak hands. He wanted Mark, all he wanted was Mark, but he wasn’t there and Jack knew he wasn’t winning this battle.

“Ma…” Jack spoke feebly, his voice barely there.

“What is it, Jacky? What do ye need?” She spoke quickly, looking down at her son with pity, god he despised that look.

“I-I need ye ta write something down for me… In that notebook, for Mark…” Jack croaked, he didn’t want it to end like this.

“Anything you need, baby.” She told him, sniffling in agony. She grabbed a pen and the notebook, opening to a blank page and waiting for Jack.

“Dear Mark… I-I need to make sure that ye knew how much I loved ye… Mark, ye were me everythin’ I love ye so much and I am so fuckin’ sorry…” He paused, holding back a sob, “I never deserved someone as perfect and amazing as ye. Goddamn, I wish I could have just five more fucking minutes with ye, to make sure ya know how perfect ye are and that ye were my whole life. Ye are my world, Mark. I hope ye understand that…” He stopped to catch his breath, “I am always greatful fur ye. Marky, I love ye more than ye could ever know, ye are the only reason I’ve kept fightin’. Jesus Christ, with ye I’d’ve been dead years ago… I really believe that ye were the greatest thing that ever happened to me…” Jack’s eye’s drooped, they were almost completely lifeless by now, “With love… and my dying breaths… Jacky…” Several tears rolled down his cheeks. Tegan turned to look at the clock, 12:00am. That’s when the room fell completely silent except for the long, steady beep of Jack’s heart monitor.

|-/

Mark tossed a hundred-dollar bill at the cab driver, shouting for him to keep the extra as he dashed into the hospital and up to the room Jack had left in his messages. Mark felt like a complete asshole, he couldn’t cope with this. He didn’t even know that Jack was in the hospital…

“Jack I am so-“ Mark stopped dead in his tracks, “No… No, no, no… This-This can’t be real, it has to be a dream, this can’t be happening!” He cried seeing the lifeless body of the one person he couldn’t live without, his eyes drifted to the clock, 12:05am, tears poured like rain down his perfectly chiseled face. Mark plugged his and into his pocket, tugging out Jack’s Christmas gift, a small black velvet box, a golden band hidden away inside.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, Jack…” Mark shook his head, taking Jack’s pale hand in his, planting one last kiss on the young male’s still soft, but ice cold lips. Mark sighed, “We were meant to last forever… I am so sorry.” His voice was small, he felt like he could just disappear at any moment. The broken boy took in a deep breath, speaking the words Jack was meant to hear that night, “Jack, I-I love you so much, you are my everything, my one and only and you always will be… You are the reason I breath and I… I don’t know how I’ll go on without you. You changed my life in ways I never knew possible. Every time you smile, my heart stops beating, every time you look me in the eyes, I can see the galaxy and every single time you say those small three words… I fall in love with you all over again. I never knew someone could make me feel the way you did and... And I wish I could hold you and let you know how much you really do mean to me… Just one more time. You may feel like you didn’t do anything important or special in your life but trust me, you did… You taught me that love is so strong that once you fall as hard as I have you’ll never be able to love again. I love you so, so much, Sean.” Mark sobbed hysterically, gripping his former lovers hand, “I just hope that you knew that.”  Mark collapsed to the chair beside Jack’s bed. His hand gripping Jack’s and his head placed on the boy’s unmoving chest.

“Why’d you have to go!? Why couldn’t it’ve been me!?” Mark shouted into Jack in frustration. Mark wasn’t mad at Jack, he was mad at everyone but Jack. Mark understood that Jack was too weak to keep fighting but he will always hate himself for not being here to say his goodbyes.

“Please… Don’t leave me…” Mark’s voice was broken, just as he was, “Come Back…” Mark was finally gone.

After that day Mark never celebrated Christmas again, he hated it with all of his being and Mark kept his promise to Jack, he never loved another.

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