High Up

This is about how a complete stranger can change your view of life, and even become your whole world.


{Book One - High Up}
{Book Two - Lilac Sky}
{Book Three - Brightest Stars} (Coming Soon)


19. Nineteen - I'll Always Love You

Mark held his hands to his face, tears pouring from his eyes and his body violently shivering. Jack couldn’t die on him, just the thought of losing Jack made Mark feel ill. Danny was trying his best to comfort his friend but he knew that he couldn’t really help at all, knowing that no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop or prevent what was happening.

“I’m so sorry, Mark… Can I do anything?” Danny was trying his hardest to calm his friend down to no avail.

“No, I-I just want Jack.” Whimpered Mark.

“Do you want me to see if you can go visit him?” Danny offered to which Mark agreed. The doctor said it would be fine so Mark darted off to find his lover.


“I’m so sorry, Mark.” Jack sobbed, trying to apologize for being an inconvenience.

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault.” Mark hugged Jack, both of them crying and petrified for Jack’s life.

“But ye’re suck with me, I’ll just go back home so I don’t burden you.” Jack told his boyfriend.

“You will not! You’re staying with me and I am not stuck with you.” Mark scolded, pulling away from their embrace to look his lover in the eye.

“Yes ye are!” Bawled Jack, “I’m a burden, Ye should just find someone who can love you and be with ye forever, I may love ye with all me heart but I can’t be with ye and show ya how much I love ye.”

“Listen to me, Sean.” Mark placed his hands on both sides of the small boy’s soft cheeks, “You are in no way a burden, you are perfect and sweet and I don’t care how long we have together, if we have one more day or one hundred more years, it will not change how much I love you, if you left me I would die… Jack, you need to know that I love you with all my heart and I would never leave you. I love you so much, Jack…” Jack slowly nodded as he turned to face away from Mark.

“I love you too, Mark… I-I just really hate this, I’m sorry. I don’t deserve ye, someone better than me, someone who can show ya how much they love ya and that can be with ye till the day ye die deserves ya. The doctor told me that it was extremely unlikely that I’d ever get better and that it was even more unlikely that I’d live for more than two years tops… They told me they were going to try and save me though, but I honestly don’t think it’s gonna work and… and then… ye’ll be alone…” Jack was so worked up over this, he’d convinced himself that Mark could possibly not love him. Mark hung his head in defeat.

“Jack, I will not leave you and I won’t let you leave me, I will find a way to prove it to you but for now you have to believe me, you are my everything, Jack. You do know that without you I’d be dead right now, I would have never fallen in love. Sean, you are the only thing I want no matter what you think.” Mark leaned in and kissed his lover passionately. Jack leaned into the embrace contently.

“My first Chemotherapy thing is next week.” Mumbled Jack against Mark.

“Okay, we’ll be here then.” Mark smiled, “I’m never leaving you, got it?”

“Yep-arooni-toonie.” Jack giggled.


Felix tugged at Ryan’s arm as they walked the dimly lit boardwalk that night, wanting to go for a swim on the beach. Ryan kept telling him they’d do it after but Felix really wanted to go and be cute –and possibly fuck – in the salty water that lapped at the shoreline. Ryan wanted to continue to ride the carnival rides and play games so that’s what they were doing. Tonight was Ryan’s night which meant it was all about him and Felix was paying for pretty much everything.

“Ooh! Let’s play that one!” Squealed Felix, tugging Ryan over to one of the booth’s with these massive stuffies, “It’s five bucks per game.” Felix told Ryan, who shoved his hand in his pocket to tug some money out and while doing so, a little black velvet box tumbled from his pocket to the wooden floor below. Ryan didn’t seem to notice but Felix, of course, did and instead of taking the money and telling Ryan he’d dropped something he decided to pick it up himself.

“What are you doing? Here’s the five bucks.” Ryan asked as he held his hand out to the smaller boy.

“What’s this?” Felix stood, box in hand. Ryan’s eyes widened as he scrambled to grab it from his lover.

“It’s n-nothing!” Ryan grabbed at it, but Felix tugged it back, pulling the hinged top open. Ryan panicked and decided that there was no use even trying to get it back or fight with Felix over it so the boy sunk to one knee.

“Ryan- W-What are you doing?” Felix gasped.

“Felix Kjellberg, vill du gifta dig med mig?” Ryan asked in his lover’s native language. Felix stood in shock of what he’d just heard.

”Y-Yes! Ryan, holy shit, yes! Where did you learn that?!” Felix gripped his now fiancé tightly, kissing him hard.

“I’ve been learning some Sweetish, I really wanted a creative way to ask you.” Ryan smiled proudly.

“I really love you, Ryan Terry.”


The first Chemotherapy session went somewhat well and Jack felt fine for the first two days after it but he woke up earlier that morning only to be violently sick and feel beyond nauseous. Thankfully Mark was beside him to make him feel just slightly better. Now Mark and Jack were cuddling in bed while Mark did a livestream as Jack slept.

“Hey, guys, I have to be quiet-ish… Jack’s sleeping at the moment and he’s really sick so I don’t want to wake him.” Jack stirred in his sleep, cuddling into Mark and burying his face into his lover’s side, “He’s so adorable, look at him.” Mark smiled, watching his boyfriend for a moment before turning his attention back to the screen. He saw a flood of comments all asking the same question;

Why is Jack wearing a cannula?

“Er, He-He’s not?” Mark wasn’t ready for the fans to know yet, and Jack obviously wasn’t either, he refused to wear his nose snubs while recording still. Jack whimpered sleepily as he moved around even more, waking himself up.

“Mark?” The boy mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, babe. I’m doing a stream.” Mark moved the computer slightly so Jack wouldn’t be shown.

“Oh, okay…” Jack tugged the cannula from his nose and tossed them to the side, then laying his head on Mark’s chest. Mark could tell Jack was struggling to breathe and he wanted to make Jack put them back on but knew that he really didn’t want the fans to know just yet so he didn’t argue.


“Jack!?” Mark called from the kitchen.

“I’m recording.” Jack’s voice came weakly from their ‘gaming’ room as they called it.

“I need to know what you want for dinner!” The door to the room Jack was in creaked open and Jack stumbled out, looking exhausted, “No more recording today, Jack you are sick. I think that it’s time for you to tell your fans.”

“No, no… I’m fine. I don’t have to tell them yet.” Jack murmured almost falling over just from standing for only a few moments. Mark rushed over to Jack and pretty much carried him to the couch.

“Jack, you either tell them or no more videos, I’m sorry but you are too damn sick. You can’t do this forever, this will kill you if you keep doing it.”

If only Jack would listen…


“What happened here?” Jack’s nurse crossed her arms seeing his two black eyes and bruised nose.

“Um…” Jack murmured softly.

“Jack hasn’t been using his oxygen like he should be.” Mark spoke.

“And why not!?” The woman asked alarmed. Jack looked over at Mark for an answer.

“Well, we both work as YouTubers and, Jack here doesn’t want his fans to know about his cancer yet.” Mark told the woman who shook her head at the boy.

“Okay, listen here, Jack.” The woman went and sat on the edge of his bed, taking one of his hands in her own, “You have to wear your oxygen all the time. If you don’t you may not end up here next time, do you really want to leave that sweet boy over there all alone?” She spoke, this time it really sunk in.

“No, I-I love him so much… I-I’m just scared about w-what my fans will t-think…” Jack murmured.

“You shouldn’t be worried about them, you should be worried about you.”


Jack typed and retyped this tweet hundreds of times, but he finally decided on this one;

Hey guys, I made a video that will go up in about twenty mins. And I just wanted to say… I’m sorry…

Jack sighed, he really didn’t want to say this, he just really wanted everyone to be completely unaware of how sick he was. He wished that he wasn’t sick, he wished he was okay, he wished that he’d never come to America.

“Jack?” Mark’s voice rang through the quiet house.

“Yeah…?” Jack sighed, slumping over more into the couch. Mark entered the room, he’d looked so tired and sad lately, Jack kept blaming himself for that. Mark took the computer from Jack’s lap and climbed onto the couch with him, tugging Jack’s scrawny body on top of him. He’d lost so much weight. Mark just really needed to be close to Jack, he felt like he could lose him at any second.

“I love you so much, Jack…” Mark mumbled, tears running down his cheeks.

“I-I love ye too… Please don’t cry Marky, please…” Jack cuddled into Mark, moving his shaking fingers to his lovers face to wipe the tears away.

“I’m sorry, Jack… I-I’ve been trying so hard not to but I just c-can’t help it.” Hiccupped Mark.

“This is all my fault isn’t it?” Jack’s cornflower eyes stared up at the other.

“No, Jack… Don’t think like that.” Mark ran his fingers through Jack’s hair, feeling an ache in his chest noticing that Jack’s hair had begun falling out.

“I’m gonna miss that…” Jack’s voice cracked.

“Miss what?”

“When ye play with me hair like that… It’ll all be gone soon…” Jack sighed, he hated being sick and knew that Mark would be better off without him.

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