Virgin [l.h.]

luke has never been orion's concern, that is, until hell freezes over.

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11. ten - hate

orion henson

almost a million thoughts were running through my head. luke's touch felt cold, but i could tell that he didn't want to let go - neither of us did.

i shouldn't like luke, i thought. what does that say about me? does that mean he likes me? why is he doing this? is this all a lie? will he and i still talk after this? will this change everything? am i turning into one of those girls?

i must've said "am i turning into one of those girls?" out loud, because, luke looks at me and touches his nose against mine softly. "what girls?"

"those girls.." sighing, i look down instead of at him. "the ones who throw themselves at guys, who just want a hookup, who can have fun. i... i'm so confused. i don't even know why i let you come here."

luke's hands move down, and i feel his fingers intertwine with mine. "you will never be one of those girls, orion. you will never be categorized as them, even if you do become like them, you're not. you're orion henson, and nothing can change that, not even a stupid action. it doesn't even matter if you become one of them, because that doesn't change about how i feel."

suddenly, voices of people and phrases they've said echo through my head. "he's a player" "don't trust him" "he'll just hurt you in the end."

"bullshit," i mumble.

luke gives me a confused look, "excuse me?"

"you don't like me, hemmings," i say. "you never have, and honestly, i don't think you ever will." these words are just hard to speak. "all you want out of me is to hook up. and.. and that's not what i want. so i can't please you." breaking my hands away from his, i take a step back. "i'm not what you want. i'm not what you need."

"but orion, you are what i want," he pleads. "it's you, i swear. i've only ever wanted you. all those other girls don't matter to me. i've never cared about any of them but you."

scoffing, i try my best to be cold, to not let him get too close, closer than he already is. "not a surprise, luke. you never cared about any of those girls, when they were completely mesmerized by you. you can't expect me to believe you care about me."

"so you think this is all a lie?! that when you were hurt, it was just acting? i would've never done that with anyone else, orion, but i did with you."

raising my voice, i say, "of course i think it's a lie! you only did that so you could get in my pants, right? all you care about is yourself."

"that doesn't matter, because you make me better! i need you, you can help me. you make me realize that i can change. i care about you, orion. you make me a better man."

"so i'm right?" sniffling, i look down, not letting him see me cry. you are not going to cry in front of this boy. not today. not now. not ever. "it was all a lie. you only did those things because you thought we would hook up. this is so like you, luke."

"i'm not lying, i promise-"

cutting him off, i shake my head, done with everything, "says the boy who just asks girls to fuck. of course i think that, idiot."

now he gets angry. "you're seriously going to bring that up?"

"i'm bringing it up because it's true!"

"it's not my fault that i want a distraction!" he yells. distraction? "i wanted a distraction from you. you think i'm used to this? thinking about some goddamn girl who won't let me in? thinking about her constantly, not acting like my usual self? writing fucking songs about her? so yes, orion, i guess you're right. it's true, because ever since i met you, my life has royally screwed up. i 'just ask'. i'm not used to people saying no, and when you did, you became a challenge to me."

luke grips my hand tightly, with his other hand on my shoulder. and i wish he could just leave already. it would make things so much easier.

"so that's all i am to you? a challenge? oh grow up, luke. we're seniors, not third graders. you and i both know i was just part of your little game," growling a little, i say, "well not anymore."

stepping away from his grasp, we're at least 5 inches apart.

realizing how that sounded, luke groans, "c'mon, orion, i didn't mean it like that. you weren't a challenge to me-"

"but i was! wasn't i? i was just a game, a bet, some twisted way to build your ego. you wasted your time on me because you knew that i would say no, no, always say no. and you're right, i am saying no. did you really think that i wouldn't?"

clenching my fists angrily, i feel my eyes water, and i want to burst into tears. "i hate you, luke hemmings."

he shakes his head, "no you don't, orion. you don't hate me. you can't hate me. you've never hated me, and i've never hated you, alright? you do not hate me."

"i should hate you! i want to hate you, but i can't, and i need to! i can't get any more close to you, luke. you need to stay away from me from now on. please, luke, go."

"i will go, just please, orion. say that you hate me, and i'll go. just three simple words. you wanna break me down, fine, but you can't do that without saying you hate me."

"i hate you," i whisper.

"say it louder, orion."

"i can't."

"say that you hate me. say that you want me to go. and then i will."

"i hate you, luke, and i want you to go!" i shout. this time, as a tear rolls down my cheek, luke cries too. "i hate you, i hate you so much. i hate you and i want you to stay away from me and never talk to me again. you screwed up my whole life and i can only fix it if you leave."

luke doesn't say anything. he just stands there. he stares at the floor in front of me, refusing to meet my eyes. ironic, because this time, he isn't the one trying to make eye contact - it's me.

quieter this time, i say, "i hate you, luke hemmings."

he's out the door before i can say any more.

and all i can think is that everything would be so much easier if hell just didn't freeze over.

// a/n \\

gonna be honest here i tried to write this as a tear-jerking chapter so cry please lol

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