A Luke fanfiction - Maybe this Christmas

Molly just wants Christmas to end. She lost her beloved boyfriend Luke in a car accident the day before Christmas a year ago but no one understands her pain and hate for Christmas; because you just can't hate Christmas, right? But maybe her small niece's love for Christmas and letters to Santa Claus can help Molly to make her biggest wish come true this year?
(This is an old story i have rewritten in english and as an fan fiction)

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4. You can't skip Christmas

Christmas hates me. I woke up every morning because of my annoying alarm clock and looked out of the window to see it snowing. I didn’t want to go out when it was snowing.  I didn’t want to go outside and see the Christmas decoration everywhere and I especially didn’t want to go to work and hear my colleagues sing and be happy. Betty was seriously a walking Christmas jukebox. I tried to hide myself away at my desk and avoid talking with anyone when I was delivering mail and copy work.

Yet again I found myself at the copier, waiting impatient for it to finish. I was making a beat with my pen on the table next to it so I didn’t die of boredom.
“You look good today.” Someone said from the door.
“Hey Calum.” I said and sighed. It was not on purpose. I really liked Calum but I had tried my best avoiding people the whole day. Even though I was everything but polite he was still standing there in his handsome grey suit and was smiling at me.  
“Still haven’t found the Christmas spirit?” He said leaning against the copier.
“Not this year I suppose.” I said and reached out for the papers but Calum moved in front of me so I could not get them. I gave him an annoyed glare but he still just smiled at me jokingly.
“Come on! Smile a little. What if I invited you to dinner? We could eat Italian or maybe Chinese? That’s far from Christmas food.” He laid a hand on my arm and I could nothing but stare at it. It felt so wrong when I touched me that it burned my skin.
“I’m sorry Calum, but I’m not going on any dates with anybody anytime soon.” I said and pushed him out of the way to get the papers.
“It doesn’t have to be a date, just dinner with a friend. I won’t invite Christmas.” He walked after me when I left the room and the guilt I felt every time I have been talking with Calum started to come.
“Calum, I don’t want to, okay? Can’t you just leave me alone?” I snapped unnecessary hard and he backed away with a lost expression.
“I was not trying to upset you. I’m sorry I asked.” He said and walked away.

Instead of delivering the copy work I walked to the nearest toilet to sort myself out before I would break down again. Why did he have that effect on me? It was horrible and the Christmas season only made it worse.

Could you say no to an invitation for Christmas Eve? It was the only question that was bugging me. It was pretty soon and I was sitting with my phone in my hand while watching an action movie. I would disappoint my whole family if I cancelled but in the other side I was afraid to break down in front of him. Last Christmas got cancelled because Luke’s parents came from Sydney and I took them to the hospital. I wasn’t officially in his family so I could not see him at the hospital and was waiting outside but I will never forget the expressionless faces of him parents when they came out from the autopsy room. I had mixed feelings about it. I really didn’t want to see how he looked after the car crash. But I didn’t get to say good bye either. But at the funeral his dad told me that his injuries were so bad that they would not open the coffin. It made me feel better that I didn’t get so say the final good bye but remember him as he was before with his wonderful blue eyes and crooked smile.

I dialled the number for my parent’s house but it was not my mom or dad who picked up the phone.
“Hello!” Said a little girly voice. Clearly Amanda was visiting her grandparents.
“Hey Amanda, is grandma there?”
“She has batter on the fingers.” She said giggling. I could hear my mom rummaging in the background and says something I can’t hear.
“What do you get me for Christmas?” Amanda giggled again. I could not help but smile but then remembered that I hadn’t bought a single present. I had just been sat in my flat trying to find a channel without Christmas commercials.
“You will have to wait and see. Can you get me grandma?” Now I needed to buy Amanda a gift even though I was not supposed to spend Christmas with her and the family.
“See you Christmas Eve!” She said before I heard her run away and my mom took the phone.

“Is it you Molly?” My mom asked. I could hear on her voice that she was smiling.
“Hey mom.” I said and suddenly I was hit by guilt toward my parents now that I was about to skip Christmas. Amanda wanted me to come and I’m sure that I would break my mom’s heart.
“How are you, dear? I’m sorry I led Amanda take the phone, but she wanted to talk to you so bad.” She apologized and laughed.
“It’s okay, mom.”
“So what did you want to talk about, dear?” She asked but I couldn’t say it. We had not had any Christmas dinner last year because of me. Maybe I should just buy them some gifts and then just stay away? Or would they feel the same worry I felt when Luke didn’t came? I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to find something to say.
“I.. ermh… What do you want for Christmas?” I rolled my eye of myself. Couldn’t I find something to ask that wasn’t Christmas related?
“Oh... you don’t have to buy us anything, dear.”
“Are you sure? What about Amanda? What does she want?” I could hear my mom hum which is something she does when she is thinking.
“You wrote her wishes for Santa so you should know best, Molly.” I blinked a few times. I should really know best. What was it? Barbie? Or was it old school by now? Maybe I should have listens some more.
“You are right, Mom. Thanks.” I ended the call and sighed. Now I had to go shopping now for presents for Amanda. My call had the exactly opposite effect than I wanted. But I hope that is a good thing.

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