A Luke fanfiction - Maybe this Christmas

Molly just wants Christmas to end. She lost her beloved boyfriend Luke in a car accident the day before Christmas a year ago but no one understands her pain and hate for Christmas; because you just can't hate Christmas, right? But maybe her small niece's love for Christmas and letters to Santa Claus can help Molly to make her biggest wish come true this year?
(This is an old story i have rewritten in english and as an fan fiction)


6. Don't forget I love you

The light was not the reason I got up the day before Christmas. I slept forever because I didn’t have to go to work, so the only thing I had to do was wrap the last presents. I looked out of the window and saw how much it snowed. The people who should clear the road from snow could not keep up anymore because it just kept coming. The cars tried their best to get through the streets and could some angry dude honk like crazy nearby.  People were stressed because they only had one day left to buy everything for Christmas Eve.

My mood was as bad as ever. Everything was Christmassy I TV. The talk show I use to watch had Santa as a guest and the cooking shows was only about Christmas cookies and duck. Santa hats and holyday music everywhere. The only place with no Christmas was in my flat under my duvet. I took my duvet into the Livingroom as I used to do with Luke sometimes. He used to let me lay on top of him while we were under the duvet. We could whole days just laying around watching movies that I illegally got on the internet, because we were poor students who could not afford to use the cinema. There we never any subtitles on the movies, so we had to keep really quiet. Nothing was at cozy when you do it alone.

I buried myself in the duvet and stared out on the snow. The TV was on as background noise. I didn’t know for how long I have been sat there staring but my phone started vibration and made me stop. It was a message from Calum. He was on his was to New Jersey to spend Christmas with his family and he just wanted to wish me a merry Christmas, even though he knew that I hated it. I wrote a quick ‘you too’ back. Not long after, my mom started calling me.

“Hey honey.” She said.”
“Hey mom?” I said questioningly.
“I thought that maybe you could come a bit earlier tomorrow? I could use some help with the caramelised potatoes. I remember that your home economics teacher said that those use made was phenomenal.”
“Mom… That was in fourth grade.” I said and rolled my eyes. Sure I could remember how to make them but it was weird that she brought something up from fourth grade. Maybe she felt that I needed another reason to actually come.
“Please? I will make you some sugar cookies as thanks for your help.” My mom lured.
“Sure okay. I will be there early. Don’t worry, mom.”
“Hannah could not come and help me. She have Amanda and Kevin, we have to remember that. See you tomorrow, Honey.”

I didn’t say good bye before I ended the call. Hannah had her husband and her daughter Amanda and I had no one.  Everyone knew that but I hurt to think about. They didn’t know Luke and they had only heard from me how much I loved him. I never got to show them how much I loved him and how much he loved me so they didn’t understand my pain. They knew I was still sad but instead of dealing with me, they just kept pretending that everything was normal and if they didn’t mention it, maybe I would be happy again by myself.

The tears started rolling down my cheeks and I buried my face in a pillow. I could not tell how to deal with myself anymore. I could not enjoy anything anymore. Everything about happiness and joy made me sad because Luke was not there to experience it or I felt guilty because I was afraid I would forget him. I turned off the TV so I could only hear the street outside my flat. All the honks and yelling went through the walls easily. It was the sounds of a big city living on outside. While I was laying there I heard a few ambulances drive past with the sirens on. Even though they were on their way to a possible accident I didn’t associate it with Luke’s. I never got to see him after it happened. I didn’t hear the ambulance. I didn’t see his body crushed inside of a taxi. All I will ever remember was his lovely smile and for that I was grateful.

When I woke up again it was almost dark outside. I must have fallen asleep in the middle of my minor breakdown and as I sat up I noticed something strange. It was quiet. No people yelling at each other and no car honking. No sirens. I thought for a moment that I lost my hearing but when I stood up I could hear the floor creaking. There was never this silent in the city. Not even where my parents live. I went to the window and looked outside. It was still snowing but there was not a car in sighted. Everything outside was white and there wasn’t a single footprint in the snow. It was like everyone disappeared. Except one.

A person stood leaned up against a lamppost on the opposite side of my flat. He was wearing a pilot jacket and a beanie was hiding away the most of his hair. I stared at the person until he looked up into my window and smiled at me. It was Luke.

I recognized him immediately and I took my hand in front of my mouth to prevent myself from screaming. Was this real? Was I really so sad that I started imagining him or was he really not dead? I kept staring at him because I was afraid he would disappear again. He took his hand out of his pocket and waved at me and made a gesture with his head, telling me to get down. I started crying again as I ran to get my thickest sweater and a pair of boots. I ran back to the Livingroom and looked out of the window to make sure, that he was still there and I wasn’t going mad. But he was still standing under the lamppost. I ran out of my flat and down the stairs. I stopped as I reached the street and looked at Luke on the opposite side. His smile widened and he spread out his arms for me. I ran to him and buried myself in his pilot jacket. I was holding him tight to make sure that he didn’t just disappear again. I giggled as I was almost soaking his jacket in tears.

“Why are you crying, love?” He loosened his grip around me so he could look me in the eyes. I dried my face off in my sleeve.
“Where have you been Luke?  I have missed you so much.” I didn’t know if I should me mad because he have been gone for so long or glad because he came back to me.
“I have been here the whole time, Molly. I never left you.” He stroke my cheek caringly. His hand felt really warm now that I didn’t have the warmest clothes on.
“What do you mean? I thought you were dead?” My voice cracked as I started crying again but all he did was shrug, took my hand and intertwined our fingers.
“Come.” Was all he said? But I trusted Luke so I walked with him down the street and there was not a human or car in sight. The traffic lights didn’t seem to work anymore so there was no reason to stop. Nothing bothering us. We said nothing as walked but I liked the feeling of his fingers between mine again. It gave a whole other kind of warmth that no one else could give me. Not even my family. It was indescribable.

We were nearing a park that I have never been visiting but only driven by in the bus or run past if I had a train to catch. It was still snowing and my sweater was starting to be wet and cold when we stopped in the park and Luke brushed the snow out of my hair. He let go of my hand to wrap his arms around me so I could get warm again.
“I have missed you so much.” I said once again because it was the only thing I could think of.
“Molly, I have been here the whole time. I never left you! Bu there is something you need to do for me.” I didn’t understand but he gave me a look that showed me it was important. When I nodded he smiled and locked our lips together. I have missed his lips and I wish we could stay like that forever but air is unfortunately a think all humans need.
“Promise me that you will spend Christmas with your family, Molly. I know you think about staying at home but your family loves you and Amanda needs you. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even be here today. Promise you will go?” His eyes we serious but he smiled charmingly at the same time.
“But you will be there tomorrow too, right? Then you can meet Amanda. Oh my family will love you Luke! As much as I do!” I kissed him again but I felt his smile disappear under my lips so I pulled myself away from him again.

“It just… can’t happen. Molly, you have to understand that I’m only here for you and for one night.” He mumbled that last part and was about to pull me into him again but I stepped back.
“What?” Nothing made sense anymore. Did he have something against my family? Didn’t he just say that he spoke with Amanda?
“I can’t stay here to too long. I’m only here because you wished to see me and I want to help you move on. Molly, you should not keep mourn over me. We were great together and I know it is hard to hear but you have to move on. I want to see you happy again. Don’t waste any more tears on me.” He reached for my hand and I let him take it but I was very close to pulling away again. How could he say that? He was standing right in front of me. He couldn’t be dead so why wouldn’t he be with me?

“You were gone for a year, Luke. Now you come here and tell me that you don’t want to be with me?” I looked down on our hands as his grip in me got tighter.
“Molly… I wanted to avoid to saying this directly to you because I thought I was doing you a favour coming here. I am dead, Molly. You can’t see it but I’m not really here physically. I love you and will always be here with you, but I just can’t be there for you physically anymore. Only for today, because you wished for it.” I looked him in the eyes and I could tell that he was telling me the truth. I knew him well enough to tell.
“Wished?” I whispered, because that was all I could manage. I could not believe that he was dead when I could feel is fingers play with mine but my logical sense also told me that it was impossible for him to be here. I attended his funeral. I have seen his parents lay crying over his coffin and I have been mourned for a year.
“Amanda made you send a wish.” He searched the pocket in his pilot jacket and pulled out a folded envelope. It was the letter I made with Amanda. I smiled when I saw all the glitter that Amanda was throwing all over the letter, was drizzling out of the envelope and made Luke’s jacket and hand sparkly.
“Let’s go back to your flat. We could hide away under the duvet before I have to leave.” I laid his arm around me and his hand was resting on my hip while we were walking home again.
“You have to leave? Where are you going?” I asked worried. I did understand that he had to leave at some point but I wanted to be with him for as long as possible.
“I’m not really going anywhere. You will just not be able to see me. I will be with you tomorrow at Christmas Eve and I will see you happy surrounded by your family, eating the lovely food you and your mom is going to make. I will be there when you wake up Christmas morning and I will see you open up all your presents, even though I can’t give you one myself.”
“Luke. You being here is the best gift I could imagine.” I whispered while he was holding the door for me.

He let me take off my boots before he pulled me close to him.
“I will be there New Year’s Eve. When you are walking around drunk in the streets of New York with your sister and singing.” He giggled and gave a quick kiss on the cheek. He started walking while holding me, forcing me to go backward.
“Now you are teasing me, Luke.” I said smiling while he kissed my other cheek. He shook his head before he fell down on the couch together.
“I will be there and bless you on your first date with that Calum guy too.” I pulled away a little so he could not kiss me again as he was planning to.
“Calum? Why Calum?” I asked surprised. I had such short amount of time with Luke and then he tells me to go out with someone else?
“He is a good guy and he really like you, if that really passed your attention. He can take care of you and give you a good place to live instead of this shitty flat.” He explained. I didn’t know what to say because, yes, I did like Calum, but every time I thought about it I felt guilty towards Luke. That’s why I never wanted to give it a second thought.
“But I want you, Luke.” I said and could not hold back any longer and kissed him intensely.
“Do I really need to explain one more time that I’m dead?” He said teasingly and the tears started to form in my eyes as I nodded. I knew that it was the last time I would ever see Luke. I could feel that on the way he was touching me. It was nice finally to say goodbye.
“I love you, Luke.” 

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