A Luke fanfiction - Maybe this Christmas

Molly just wants Christmas to end. She lost her beloved boyfriend Luke in a car accident the day before Christmas a year ago but no one understands her pain and hate for Christmas; because you just can't hate Christmas, right? But maybe her small niece's love for Christmas and letters to Santa Claus can help Molly to make her biggest wish come true this year?
(This is an old story i have rewritten in english and as an fan fiction)

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2. Christmas is not my job

I saw that my sister had called me dozen times since I left her and Amanda at the ice rink that Saturday but I really didn’t want to talk to her. I was sure that she just wanted to yell at me again and tell me how irresponsible I was and to be honest I had enough negativity just being by myself. I went to work even though I felt horrible but I was fighting my way through the day with coffee in the grey and boring office building. I had to stop myself for walking straight out again when I stood in the elevator and ‘Last Christmas’ started to play in the radio. The elevator stopped and an elderly formal man in a suit came in and nodded to me as a hello. Even a formal man as him had a little Christmas badge on his suit jacket and I rolled my eyes at him when he looked away.
I reached my floor and went into the office. I had finally got my own desk even though I only had all the running work that the others didn’t want to do themselves. But it was nice to have a basecamp in the office I could return to.

I sat down at my desk and I sighed when I saw a plaited Christmas star was attached to my computer screen with a piece of tape. I was about to rip it off when old Betty came dancing right up to me. She was wearing a ugly Christmas jumper with Rudolf the red nosed reindeer on it. Its nose was actually a little blinking light.
“Happy 3th of December Molly! I have used all weekend making these sweet little starts and Christmas heart with my grandchildren.”
“That’s lovely.” I said trying to sound interested without being sarcastic.
“And now that my flat isn’t that big I thought I could take some of with me and decorate the office. Oh how I just love Christmas!” Someone had to stop this lady. She was getting on my nerves with all that Christmas stuff and all I wanted to do was sit and enjoy my coffee before I had to run around the whole building with copies and mail for important people.
“Thanks Betty, but you don’t need to put up any decoration at my desk. I’m not really in the mood for Christmas this year.” I removed the paper star from my screen and handed it to her. I tried to smile at her but she looked kind of offended and walked away. I sighed. I was finally alone and took off my coat and scarf. I really missed Sydney when it’s winter. There was never really cold and I didn’t own a winter jacket for all the years I went to college down under.

I started my computer and saw that my mail already was filled up with small assignments I had to do. Copy work and things I had to get at their desks and post to other companies. Alongside all the work-related mails I got one from my mom. She used to send me a message or call me but I had ignored my phone all weekend because of my sister. I chose to ignore the mail for a bit and started on the first copy work so I had to leave my computer for a while. I was plugging in the settings for some colour prints when I something move to my right and I jump when I realized that someone was standing next to me.

“Oh my… I’m so sorry Molly. I thought you saw me walk in.” Apologized Calum from accounting. He had a little smile on his lips. He clearly thought it was fanny that I was scared.
“It’s okay. I was just… thinking.” I bit my lip. Calum always came and entertained me while I had to do the copy work. I was happy for it because he was really nice to me even though he was so much more important than me and he was not ugly to look at. He had some really wild black hair and nice brown eyes. His cheekbones and chin made him look masculine even though he was wearing a pair of ridiculous stiff suit trousers, white button up and a tie.
“Have you found the Christmas spirit yet?” He asked while leaning on the doorframe. I shook at the mention of Christmas.

“It doesn’t exist in my world.” I said a little irritated. He nodded like he understood what I was saying but he didn’t. No one did. I hadn’t told Calum how my Christmas spirit disappeared from the world along with Luke.
“I don’t really like Christmas myself. People hunting down the right gifts and fight for the last doll for their child that doesn’t appreciate it anyway. Most of the Christmas candy doesn’t even taste good but you eat it anyway!”
He reached down his pocket and gave me a little bag of chocolate coated almonds.  I could not help but laugh but said no thanks to the almonds. The copier was done and biped and I took the papers.
“I have to deliver these on eighth floor.” I said and waved with the papers.
“Until next time you have to copy something?” He winked at me and throw the chocolate coated almonds at me. He didn’t take no for an answer.

I smiled to myself when I walked down the hall to the elevator. Calum could really light up my mood. But suddenly I felt guilty talking with Calum. I knew that if Luke was here he would not let me anywhere near a guy like Calum without him having a hand on my hip to show that I was his or intertwine our hands. I looked down at my hands and all I had between my fingers was the copies of some company’s annual report.

I really missed Luke fingers intertwined with mine. It was almost a year since last time I felt fingers between mine. I said goodbye to him in the airport and flew to New York to meet my parents. I was with Luke all the way through college in Sydney so of course he wanted to meet my parents. And what is a better occasion than Christmas Eve?  But my parents never got to meet him. They never got to see how my face lighted up whenever I saw him and how I felt hundred times safer when he was near. They thought he was an asshole because he never showed up and we all were sitting at the table waiting with a big Christmas feast. But his taxi never came. I remember how I called and called him. I was so worried.

That worry hit me hard and the sorrow right after while I stood in the elevator. I started sobbing hard and could not breathe properly. I sat down on my knees and lean forward and held myself up with my palms. I was having a panic attack. The elevator opened and I could see a pair of high heeled boots near me on the floor. I felt a pair of hands on my back as she tried to get me up. I didn’t know her but I let her do it. She was not very strong so she almost dropped me to the floor again. I needed someone else. I needed Luke. I wanted to feel his arms around me again. I wanted to feel his lips against my hair. But he was not here. Not anymore.

The lady that was trying to help me called for someone to help her. Another pair of hands came and got me out of the elevator and the lady left. Why should she use her time on me anyway? I was placed on a chair and I tried to hide my face behind my shaking hands. I could not control my breathing even though the new person was stroking me calmly on the back.
“I want to go home.” I whispered. The person, who I finally recognized as the guy that needed the copies I had made, took up his phone and dialled a number so he spoke in the speakers that were placed around in the office building. I looked up when he said my name. People were standing up from their desks to look at me with curiosity. They didn’t want to miss anything.

I tried my best to get my breathing steady and it must better when Calum with the elevator and ran to me.
“What happened? Are you okay?” He asked the first question to the man behind me. I hardly looked like one who could put together a whole sentence without breaking down. The man just shrugged and Calum got me up and laid his arms around me to support me. We took the elevator down and he didn’t say a thing before the door opened at the bottom floor.
“What is your address? I can drive you.” I breathed in slowly a few times but I kept sobbing every time I had air enough to do so. It was not easy to understand me but I think he understood me because he nodded at what I tried to say and led me through the underground parking. He was not much older than me but he was so much more successful that he had a huge Audi. He opened the door for me and I stared out on the other cars to avoid looking at Calum.

I have never had a panic attack that bad before when I felt guilty towards Luke. Maybe it was the season. I was thinking about him all the time and how all of it was my fault. He should have travelled the same day as me, instead of waiting until last minute. I should have asked him to take a few days off as I did. I could have driven to the airport in my parent’s car and picked him up instead of making him take a taxi. He could have been here now. It could all have been very different.
“I have seen you cry before.” Calum said quietly. I finally looked at him. I hadn’t looked at him once since we left the office building. I didn’t say anything and waited for him to continue.
“You cry a lot after we talk. I never dare to ask you why but I think you own me it now that I skip an hour’s salary to drive you home.”
“I never asked you to drive me.” I sniffled and looked out of the window again. He sighed and rubbed his temple with two fingers.
“They called over the speaker that there was an emergency with you and of course I came running. I’m your friend Molly. I am worried about you.” He said as we pulled over by my flat building.
“You don’t have to worry about me because there is nothing to do, Calum. Thanks for the ride. Jeg left the car before he could say anything else. I hurried up to my flat and throw myself on the bed where I could cry without it being awkward.

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