The word I couldn't say

He made so many mistakes but every time I looked into those big brown eyes I forgave him all over again.

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31. The night

The night I tried to kill myself. 

 

The night I tried to kill myself it was not like in the movies. 
The little white pills I took didn’t quietly lull me to my death. 
I wasn’t held by a boy who loved me,

begging me to stay. 
The night I tried to kill myself was not beautiful. 
It was me crying to the 911 operator while staring at my torn open wrist. 
It was the black charcoal they forced into my stomach as I begged them to stop. 
It was me falling deliriously in and out of consciousness the next two days alone. 
The night I tried to kill myself was ugly. 
Its not how they make it out to be. 
Its not slow music as you drift off to sleep. 
Its convulsions, and sweat, and tears, and blood. 
Because depression is not beautiful. 
It tears apart your soul and in the end you’re left alone on the bathroom floor.

— 

And you are the only person capable of picking yourself back up.

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