The word I couldn't say

He made so many mistakes but every time I looked into those big brown eyes I forgave him all over again.


56. I'm sorry

That’s why I talk to you.

And it’s not because you’re convenient.
It’s not a coincidence that we are this way.
That you are that way.

The bruises that you refuse to talk about.
Because when you boxed yourself into
a life that was no longer yours,
you tried to breathe and it was toxic;
a gas chamber made from broken bottles.

The cuts that you hate to mention.
Because when they slit your wrist for you,
it didn’t bleed and you felt no pain.
Because when you tried it 
it didn’t do the fucking same.

Because you have pain.

Like you were meant to be loved by
those who could no longer understand you.

The ones we surround ourselves with;
the black crows pecking at our eyes,
the demons singing our pretty songs,
and the veins that spill for our words.

I’m sorry that you don’t know any better.
I’m sorry that you feel like you’re lesser.
I’m sorry that your eyes keep getting wetter.

That’s why I talk to you.

I remember our first conversation,
when I mentioned your sad eyes–

The poetry ripped from your sockets,
I always knew you were a writer,
but that was not why I kept talking–

I kept talking because I see me,
I see myself within your sadness.

I see coloring pencils that were always breaking and never sharpening correctly.

I see razor blades breaking on your skin
and I knew better than to be this close,

but I still needed you to know that you aren’t alone, so before you pick up that razor blade and think that you’re alone again–

You’re not the only one who feels this way.
You’re not the only one who wants to die.
You’re not the only one who wants to give up.

We all do at some point;

some more intense than others,
some more silly than us,
but it’s this pain.

The I would rather have moonlight frowns
than sunshine smiles, it’s letting the demons
pull you into the waves and you drown once more and I know it’s scary–

Terrifying, I know.

But that’s why you’re my friend.

That’s why I talk to you,
so that you never have to feel alone.

You’re not just a girl,
you’re someone who needs to know
that there is still hope.


I love you.

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