The word I couldn't say

He made so many mistakes but every time I looked into those big brown eyes I forgave him all over again.

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48. I fucking hate you!

I fucking hate you. I hate how easily you control all of my feelings. One word and my world come crashing to a stop, and it starts to rain. Oh and it pours, salty tears and thundering walls. 

I let you walk all over me. 

I let you wrap me around your finger. 

I played into your hands. 

I’m in a game. 

That I’m sure of, I’ve convinced myself that much. 

Because if it isn’t that then I’m much more insane than I thought. Because it isn’t even 2 am yet and you’ve already crossed my mind a million times more than you should’ve. You creep your way into everything. I look out the window and see a beautiful tree and I remember how many times you kept me waiting so you could climb a tree. 

Everything things simple, the things that remind me of you. But you’re so damn complicated, but you look like an open book. 

I’ve only see the surface, there’s no telling how much shit is underneath. Good, bad and ugly, I’ll still want you. 

For some reason, I do. 

It’s most definitely not your personality or your looks- which are better than my words could describe. It’s something. And that’s all I know. 

Because minutes after you texted me. I knew there would be hell to pay, but I hit send. I’ve convinced myself you’re okay, that I can survive. 

But I’m not, I’m so damn miserable. And you’re on the other side of screen laughing because I’m an idiot. 

It something. And I fucking hate it. Because it’s you. And I know I shouldn’t want it to be you, but I do. 

Why me?

Why you?

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