Interrogate Prodigy II: Prodigy is Stupid Enough to be Re-Captured

Due to demands made by Calista and Tomato and encouraged by Sparrow, I have resurrected this. I'm probably going to regret it. But have at it, ask me stuff and I will endeavor to answer to the best of my ability.


5. Four: Maybe something with less feathers and more spots... (~Invisible~, Cangku Shisan, Lia is a Panda, Sanguine, DragonSoulJess, Tomato., Bubbles, Sparrow, Snow Potato, Beautifully Saiyan Panda, Snape)

    [Squiggly]-Invisible-[squiggly] was next. Not that anyone could see who belonged to the voice that asked, “Do you think that candy canes are sentient beings?”

    Prodigy looked around. “Are there any in earshot?” she asked Raven.

    “No,” Raven replied, looking at Prodigy like she was crazy. By she, the narrator clearly means Raven. So Raven was looking at Prodigy like she [Raven] was crazy. Which she was, so. 

    “Then no, I don’t think they’re sentient.”

    “But you just-“

    “Next question,” Prodigy interrupted. 

    Cangku Shisan [insert fancy letters that I’m too lazy to do] raised his mechanical hand. It was a gleaming metal robot hand, and not his own. Nor was it attached to his body.He just had a robot arm for the purpose of raising a hand. Just to clarify. “Do you believe that work is an excuse made up by the ruling elite so that we’re tired, poor, can’t rebel, or philosophize about our own existence and expand into the true spiritual creatures that we really are?”

    “Absolutely not,” Prodigy replied. “In fact, I would go so far as to argue that without work, there are many philosophical things that we wouldn’t think about. Work is the experience that is required to give us material upon which to ponder, and even if the ruling elite were trying to oppress us, they would only be signing up for their own destruction. Additionally, work can’t be an illusion or mere social construction, for if everyone ceased to work, we would all invariably die.” 

    The silent panda broke her silence. “Would you prefer to drown or burn?” Lia asked. 

    “Drown. I’ve always loved the water and been paranoid around fire, so I might as well switch it up in the final moments of life.”

    Sanguine raised a hand into the air with purpose. When Prodigy looked her way, Sanguine opened a manilla folder next to her typewriter and withdrew several pages. She slid her spectacles down to the bridge of her nose and said, “In the beginning of your first round of interrogation, you said you were tied to a chair again. However, after your flashback, you said your hands were tied with cheese and you were made to sit on a counter in front of an oven. I can’t see you from this distance, so which is the truth, Prodigy? What is your current situation?”

    “Inconsistent, it appears,” Prodigy replied. “I am currently tied with cheese and sitting in front of an oven in a way that poses absolutely no potential for escape.” She may or may not have winked. Sanguine couldn’t see. 

    “Very well, then,” Sanguine said, closing the folder. “How would you kill a trained money, if the opportunity presented itself?”

    “Oh, very simply. I would, theoretically, go back in time and make sure that I was the one who trained them and that it was me with whom their true loyalty lied, and I’d simply ask them to commit suicide.” Prodigy smiled at the monkeys by Raven and they gave happy little waves. Raven was too busy filing her nails into points to notice. 

    “My turn!” DragonSoulJess said happily. “How do I survive six months without the second season of supernatural after watching the first?” She explained, “My parents know me too well and won’t let me order a box set until after my exams.”

    “Simple,” Prodigy replied. “Stream it online without them knowing, then re-watch in six months. Because you’re always going to want to re-watch.”

    Jess thought this over. “On an unrelated note, which would be worse: Donald Trump ruling the world or every book ever written suddenly ceasing to exist.”

    “Hmm, as absurd as it seems, I’d have to go with the cessation of ever book. Trump might be bad, but at least we’d preserve the vast amounts of knowledge we’ve accumulated over the years. Granted, he’d have zero of that knowledge because he’s an idiot, but still.”

    “Alright, alright. Last question. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL OFF CYRUS?!?!?!?!”

    Prodigy gave a nervous laugh. “Uhhhh because I’m a horrible person? Oh, and because wouldn’t it be so interesting to see how everyone would cope with the loss? Who would Hayden turn to for help? Will? Johnathan? What would that do to Levi? Interesting stuff, there.”

    Tomato was next to ask a question. It took Prodigy a minute to determine from where the voice was coming; she thought initially that it was from the slobbery tomato on the floor but in interest of self preservation, Prodigy realized that it was instead coming from a human, which was a relief to most people, the human included. “You know how the US military claimed the lights over LA a couple of months ago were test missiles?”

    “No, I didn’t hear about that, but go on.”

    “Do you think they actually were test missiles, that it was aliens, or that it’s something the government’s trying to cover up, and which would be the most worrying?” 

    “I think it was most definitely aliens, and I think that’s what the government is trying to cover up, in this case. They’re always trying to cover something or other up. I think that aliens would be very worrying. If aliens were to visit earth, humans would make fools of themselves. Like, who would they meet stepping off the spaceship in LA? Whatever celebrities aren’t busy? Justin Beiber? Donald Trump? The outcomes are worrying. Earthlings aren’t ready to interact with aliens.”

    Bubbles asked next, “Would you work for Voldemort if he threatened to kill your family?”

    Prodigy gave her a look of confusion. “Are you saying that I wouldn’t work for him otherwise? I mean, come on. Voldemort’s pretty cool in a twisted, evil sort of way. I think I could bring out his human side. I’d make a great Dark Lord personal assistant, don’t you think?”

    “Erm…. Ok then,” Bubbles said, shifting so she was a little farther from Prodigy. “A building is falling down on an elderly woman and her toddler, playing a few feet away. You can only rescue one. Who do you save?”

    “The toddler. The woman has had a long life, and I’m sure that, if asked, she would undoubtably ask for the toddler to be saved.” 

    “Dean or Sam?”

    “Dean. Always Dean,” Prodigy said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Sam too, but Dean is just like… Ok, he loves classic cars, has great taste in classic rock music, and is a sarcastic asshole with a heart (that secretly belongs to Cas)? How could I not love him? He was actually the only reason I watched past the first episode.”

    “Rock or Pop?”

    “Is that even a question? Rock all the way.”

    “John Lennon or Paul McCartney?” 

    Prodigy considered, “I’ve never been a huge Beatles fan, but I think McCartney.”

    Bubbles wrote these answers down on a notepad and shuffled away, saying, “I’ll probably be back with more.”

    Prodigy nodded and waved with her mind, seeing that her wrists were bound with cheese. Sparrow was next, waiting patiently after having been rudely ignored by Prodigy multiple times because Prodigy is not very on top of things, for which she apologizes. “What is your name?” Sparrow asked.

    “My name is Christine of Pennsylvania.”

    “What is your quest?”

    “To seek the Holy Grail!” 

    “What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

    “An african or european swallow?”

    Sparrow was stumped. “I-I don’t know-“ with a wail, she was suddenly hurtled out of the nearest window. 

    “Ouch,” Prodigy commented, then promptly moved on. Fancy-Character-Cangku came back for more.

“Do you believe that I possess the ability to kill everyone in the room within twenty seconds, with only minimal fighting back from anyone?”

    “No, I don’t,” Prodigy answered, “because I would fight you back far more than minimally.”

    “Why do I always ponder what it would be like to kill someone?”

    “Flaws in society? Overactive imagination? General angst? I don’t know.”

    “Do you agree that I should be president of the USA?”

    “No, because I don’t think you would garner enough respect from other countries to keep the US safe from being strong-armed by foreign powers. Also you can’t be president unless born in the US, so that’s that.”

    It was then that people’s attention was drawn away from Prodigy and Cangku-with-the-fancy-letters and instead shifted upon a lump of snow in the shape of a potato which shall henceforth be referred to as Snow Potato. 

    “OMG!!!” it squealed from its place on the floor. “I am dying here. Only literally but PRACTICALLY, I AM DYING-“

    “I think you have that backw- wait…” Prodigy noticed that Snow Potato was melting. “Huh, I guess you’re right. More or less.” 

    “Of laughter, well…” Snow Potato continued, “But seriously, how could you write this? BECUZ IT IS FUNNIER THAN HELL.” Muttering to itself now, the Snow Potato added, “Face it, I don’t even know whether hell is funny. I am stupid.” It appeared to try to face palm but only succeeded in faceSnaping. That is, someone picked it up and threw it at Snape, who had just walked through the door, looking angry. 

    “AH!” Literally Raven said, scrambling up onto the seat of her chair and cowering. She looked oddly like a chicken in the way her limbs were positioned. “It’s him!” 

    “Hey, Snape,” Prodigy said easily, “Thanks for coming.” She hoped down off the counter. Her hands were free, the cheese-bonds having melted by the oven several minutes ago.

    “Prodigy, may I turn Raven into some sort of barnyard creature, or would you object to that?”

    “Hmm,” Prodigy considered. “Well, wait until I answer this Snow Potato’s question. It’s only fair.”

    The lump of scattered snow gathered itself just long enough to ask, “Am I a total stupid idiot?”

    “A ‘stupid idiot’ is a little redundant, but no. No one is a ‘total’ idiot. Everyone’s at least a little smart.” Prodigy turned to Raven, narrowing her eyes pointedly. “Or at least, so they say.”

    Raven glared, but she dared not do anything with Snape standing right there and brandishing his wand. 

    “Well,” Prodigy said to the room. “This interrogation has been fun, as always, but it’s clearly time for me to go.”

    “Wait!” Beautifully Saiyan Panda shouted. “Do you like Canada?”

    Prodigy couldn’t help but answer with the last dregs of the serum in her veins. “Yeah, of course! Canada’s like a better, more polite, more peaceful, less-Donald-Trumpy version of the US. But anyway, I’m going to be signing out.”     

    DragonSoulJess trotted over and handed Prodigy a pizza. “For the road,” she explained.” 

    “Thanks, Jess!” Prodigy said. She looked at the monkeys which she had trained (PLOT TWIST). "Restrain Raven."

    Before Raven could react, the monkeys seized her arms and rendered her powerless. Prodigy looked over at Snape. “Do what you will.”

    Prodigy turned and walked out the door, a flash of light illuminating her exit. As she walked back down the street towards her apartment, Prodigy thought she heard the distant sounds of a cow mooing. She smiled. 


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