A Usual Mistake

"I like to tell all my fairy god-daughters and my niece that when I'm gone, they can sit on the floor and go through all these journals, and they can walk through my life, and they can smell the gardenia perfume on the pages. They can have it in their hands, who I was."

-Stevie Nicks

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3. Fairies

March 9, 2016

 

I want to be romanticized.

Maybe I've been reading too many beachy romance novels but I don't care. I want someone to notice the way my hair falls, to think I'm adorable when I'm concentrating on something, to give me their jacket and secretly love how oversized it is on me. Maybe that's not so much being romanticized as being noticed, being loved. But to be romanticized wouldn't hurt either.

For people to wonder if I might be a mythical creature. For starry eyes. For people to fear me in that vague way that all myths are feared. With adoration, albeit from afar. I want to be too good for everyone. If this makes me selfish, idealistic, whatever...I don't really care. (This seems to be the running theme here.)

I want to be one of those girls with such beautiful handwriting that a post of a page of their journal gets thousands of notes. I want to be someone who always looks like she's stepped out of a walk-in closet the size of a first class suite on the Titanic, with eyeliner wings and sleepy eyes. To be the type of person everyone turns to for answers, because there's something in the way I move and speak that commands authority. Or to be the type of person who gets called "ma'am" and never has to do anything for herself, but does anyway. A matriarch type, perhaps. Mixed with a fairy.

A compromise.

A matriarchal fairy? Yes, that sounds about right. That's what I'll be someday, and people will write songs about me, and I'll be that name in the history books that everyone speaks with a little bit of reverence, and maybe I didn't start or stop any wars, but they still teach them who I was because people knew then and know now that I mattered.

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