"A Letter From the Daughter you Never had"


0Likes
0Comments
363Views
AA

1. "Blessed Be The Tie that Binds"

A letter to you, (Mum & Dad) ....

Hello, it's been awhile.... I've tried to let you know I think of you frequently! left a message for mothers, fathers days, for you who initially were my everything, my heart, my strength, my blood that fed me as I grew in your womb, my arms when I was young you were my carriage...

Every Christmas feels like the first year, the first time the first experience comes flooding back without relent or plausible explanation. I keep myself hidden, I listen to music, watch my favourite movies. Do whatever I can even spring clean with the energy afforded me by wrought emotion so painful. I cry late in the afternoon as the vodka releases me from my mental reverie I am not alcohol dependant but tonight is Christmas Eve & although the first storm has passed & the clouds are moving on so the sky turns dark to bring in the party that is for those who have managed to save themselves & their family from the same fate of being ripped apart. Only, those I know who are also without a loved one can understand any of this pain, someone that knows that it never seems to matter how much time has passed knows the feeling of an emptiness nothing can fill, the soothing of seeing their gentle smile, their happy hearts as you see them be merry in the awakening they can let go & just be at peace, for this day is one that is to be celebrated, let the music crescendo in the background whether it be John Rowles or Englebert Humperdinck or Judy Stone, Fleetwood Mac or Abba it's all the same... This is the time when even The Bachelors come to mind, "The Great Pretender", "Tea For Two", or the Mexican who sang "Wasted days & Wasted nights" in such a melody that it captured & for a time, calmed my forlorn heart in the presence of my one confidant, my one true friend my Nan... I miss you Nan, you were & always will be with me but now you are out of pain & hopefully with Tom. Others may think me unloving, unworthy, uncaring, disloyal or they may think I am already passed over & wish to believe it to be true for their own sanity relies on an alter reason for our parting, you know who you are. I pray you are well, I pray the emotional hurt is healed & you can forget me as you said & made out you have done. I pray I nolonger plague your mind. I wish all the best wishes I can possibly wish for you, from the deepest part of my soul. I pray you will one day understand that nothing can destroy what love creates & I hope fervently, that you may find peace as I hopefully can finally release you in time. May god bless you, you taught me to be strong if not anything else... May the sun be forever at your back, the wind beneath your wings & love be forever in your hearts. May the love you needed for your own healing be always bestowed upon your soul & may the angels take care of you & help you journey through this life without any more pain for the daughter you dreamed I would be. I'm sorry, I couldn't be your child, I hope you will understand that fear eroded me, it tore through my being like a tornado that never stopped & I hope you will one day please forgive me for allowing them to make me a ward of the state, it was either I leave you, or watch your hatred for me & my ill health destroy you as it threatened to within my mind. We tried to ride the sea's, we tried not to let our ship be washed asunder, we fought as hard as we could to ride out the painful wrath from anger un-channeled. We did all we could, but I had to leave the nest, I had to make the hardest choice of all, I have regrets, but I sincerely hope that you were able to forget me, as easily as you say you did... I know now, the reason you couldn't stand to see me before you, I understand I reflected back to you the things that you couldn't accept about yourselves... In my heart, you will always be, you will always forever be my Mummy & Dad... I'm so sorry, we couldn't ride the storm, break the waves together and rise above the ruin to build us back again from the foundation of our biological connection. May you know I do still love you, not what happened, not the things that made me fear & at times hate you, then all those years ago. But the two people I remember when I was a toddler, dad I would walk your vertebrae & mum I would always get into things I shouldn't have. Such a naughty inquisitive girl, you will always be the parents I wished I could still have had as any child truly does, but it was not to be & you distanced your hearts from me...

But it is Christmas once again, I'm triggered once again & you don't seem to remember me...

Forever connected & forever may blessed be the bond that ties....

Your bio daughter....

Christmas Eve 2015

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...