Blue Neighbourhood

This is my take on the poignant, yet powerful music video trilogy by Troye Sivan.

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"only fools fall for you, only fools. . ."

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8. 2.1

Troye

   I believe I can say I had quite a handful of role models growing up. In my eyes, Jason Alexander Meyers was among that group.

   People on the outside looking in wouldn't exactly agree with me. However, it didn't matter to me at all what others thought of him. They knew nothing of our friendship. They didn't know Jason's true colors nor would they ever. They didn't know Jason.

   They didn't get the chance to see past his tough exterior because they never tried. Of course, he may have come across as sarcastic and rude at times. But I've heard his backstory. I understood the reason behind his building a sturdy, imaginary castle around himself in hopes of not suffer loss again. And I didn't judge him, or chide him for doing so, calling him a 'bully' or 'jerk'. As a result, I was that one kid who he let the drawbridge down for.

   And after that, we always had this unshakable connection between each other. He looked at me. At that moment, he realized he didn't have to put on a show, act as if he was having fun. He tore down the walls and calmed the furious tides, serving as a barrier between him and the rest of the world when I materialized into his view. Because I was there for him, cheering him on when no one else bothered to waste a single breath on him. I was in the trenches with him. On days when he felt like throwing in the towel, I didn't let him give in. I kept him anchored in the belief that things would get better. I gave him a reason to stand.

   For that reason, we grew closer day by day. We made a vow to stand by each other's side no matter the circumstance and no matter the consequence. We'd even lay down our lives for one another if need be. It was Troye and Jason against the world.

   And as our friendship thrived, the real Jason began to shine. The Jason who wasn't afraid to let people into his life. The Jason who acted like a goofball and didn't give a shit who was watching. The Jason who was fearless. We were partners in crime, giving each other the assurance that neither of us had to fight alone.

   I didn't have to fight alone. Because of what I had done for him, he wanted to do the same for me. I could stride to the edge of the jetty and stare into the baffling depths of my ocean of uncertainty, fear, and disappointment and know Jason would never let go of me. I could break the surface and rest in the fact that I could trust the person whose hand I held on for dear life. I could trust him.

   That was the moment I began to fall.

   And with each passing day, I fell harder and harder for this boy. I admired his bravery, his collectedness and sometimes his kindheartedness toward me. I believe that was what made me fall in the first place, but it was at that moment, at that jetty, once I took his hand that I knew I was falling.

   And knowing Jason, I expected him to catch me.

  Clearly I was a fool

   I allowed myself to believe Jason wouldn't let me down, that afterwards he and I would both be happy, together. But now, everything is shattering and it's my mistake.  

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