Blue Neighbourhood

This is my take on the poignant, yet powerful music video trilogy by Troye Sivan.


"only fools fall for you, only fools. . ."


4. 1.4



i don't want another pretty face

i don't want just anyone to hold

i don't want my love to go to waste

i want you and your beautiful soul

  Troye and I majored in having fun.

  We always had someway to keep ourselves entertained, be it discovering wonders that lived in the forested areas at the beach just minutes away from my house, swinging from the branches of oaks, or playing paper football indoors. With had a myriad of things to do, rainy days never really deterred us from being the rambunctious, curious boys we were. 

   What used to be one boat became two. Then five, then ten, then seventeen. Dad had the skill under his belt thanks to years of repairing boats in his early 20's before stumbling across a 'permanent' job and meeting Mum. When word got around town that he was fixing boats again, people began making requests, since the vast majority of his friends lived near large bodies of water. Those friends told their friends, and Dad's name became pretty well known for it. It had gotten to the point where he and Michael practically owned a boat repairing business. 

   It wasn't long before our lawn and driveway took on the appearance of a graveyard of old boats. I don't think I can complain, however, because the endless hours he invested in repairing them brought in more money than we had ever expected. Dad and I were well off financially, and he had become a little more friendly as each day passed. 

   So there wasn't a day where Troye and I didn't see each other. We woke up every morning with an empty agenda and an infinite amount of possibilities of what we could do that day swimming in our minds. We'd let the mood of the day sway our decision-making. Dad would oftentimes drop me off and let us do our thing while he and Michael worked on boats or he'd come home to finish his own projects. 

   I can't help but feel that Michael and Troye were godsends to my father and I. We had a way to obtain money. We got along pretty well now. Dad still drank, but that happened every once in a while instead of everyday. He didn't lash out and lose his cool every time he heard Mum's name. 

   Dad was not the only person who reaped the benefits of getting to know this family. I had a friend to call my own. I didn't have to spend my summer days confined to our house. I had something to do besides staying cooped up in my bedroom in attempt to evade my father's constant nagging. I didn't have to think about the lack of a motherly figure in our household. I had a distraction. 

  Troye was the greatest distraction I could ever ask for. He was sympathetic. I had to confess to him that I lost my mother to terminal cancer at one point. I was on the verge of tears and only Troye was there to give me consolation and assurance that Mum's spirit will never die. He oozed enthusiasm and did everything out of a heart brimming with ambition. His attitude served as a motivation for me to give him nothing less than my very best whenever we hung out.

   Together, we were dauntless. No fear could impede us from doing what we wanted. 

   Near the beginning of July, Troye conceded that he never dove into a swimming pool, much less a large body of water. I insisted that he was going to jump off the jetty with me into the lake next to my house before we saw the end of summer. 

   We left our shirts reposed on the bank of the lake. We strode to the end of the dock and stopped walking when our toes aligned with the very edge of the jetty. Waves of excitement racked my body as I saw my reflection in the motionless, murky waters. My pulse raced. I was jittery. I know I've leaped of this dock many times before, however this time was different. I was leaping off the jetty with my best friend, who's never done this kind of thing before, and I practically waited forever to do this with him. 

   I stole another glance at a terror-stricken Troye, staring into the fathomless (more or less) depths of the lake, trying to make out how deep this inland sea could possibly be. His stunned eyes were then locked on mine, begging me to make us turn back.

   "How deep is this lake anyway?" He interrogated, doing his best to keep his gaze off the waters. 

   "It doesn't matter. You know how to swim right?" 

  "Yeah. . ." Troye replied faintly. 

"Then you should be fine, if you know how to swim. I wouldn't let you jump into this lake if I thought it was too dangerous for you. I've done it a million times and look, I'm still here. You're got nothing to worry about, Troye. " I placed a hand on his bare back and patted him up, praying my mini pep talk equipped him with enough faith in me to follow through. 

   His glances fluctuated between me and the surface of the aquatic abyss, glistening beautifully in the summer sun. 

   Troye inhaled sharply and I saw his cheeks deflating as he swallowed his fears, clenching his eyelids shut. 

   I felt him grasp my hand. "Okay, Jace. Let's get this thing over with." 

   "Alright," I positioned myself to get ready to jump off the dock. Troye remained absolutely stiff, crushing the life out of my right hand. 

   "Okay. Three . . ." I began counting down from three and Troye, whose hands were quaking terribly and gripping mine firmly, emitted a whimper, breathing audibly. 

   "Two . . ." He clutched my hand tighter than ever before, on the brink of breaking every bone inside. 


   My toes left the edge of the jetty with Troye, hearing nothing but an earsplitting scream before being submerged in arctic, murky water. After emerging from below the ripples we created, I scrubbed my eyes and turned to Troye, who looked as if he'd just seen Slenderman. Droplets trickled down his forehead, cheeks, and just about everywhere else on his face.

   "I swear I am never doing that again, Jace." My best friend was spewing out water from his mouth, then throwing his head back in laughter. "I almost died!" He exclaimed in between giggles and a few coughs here and there. 

   "No, you didn't. Guess what?" I asked him jovially. "You've done it! You've jumped off the jetty! And you're alive and you've faced your fears! I'm so proud of you Troye!"

   "Yeah, and I don't think I could have ever done that without you." A genuine smile illuminated his entire face. 

   I leaped into his arms, enveloping him in mine as tightly as humanly possible. "Thank you for saying that, Troye. I really needed that today." I told him thankfully. 

   "No problem. You're my best friend in the entire world and I hope nothing ever changes that." He hugged me back just as strongly.

    Upon hearing this, the weirdest, yet greatest feeling hit me. Surges of deep affection and joy ricocheted through my veins. My already racing heart thumped fiercely within the walls of my chest, pleading to break free from the jail built around it. Warmth and happiness radiated throughout me. Suddenly, everything about Troye at that moment became undoubtedly beautiful. He became undoubtedly beautiful. 

   The sun seemed to shine so much brighter around us. I have never felt this feeling before in my whole life. However I couldn't care less at that time. I was immensely thankful fate brought us together. That day, our friendship was deemed indestructible. 

   It was also at that moment that I couldn't bear to go a day without him. He's been such a blessing in my life and an amazing, special person. He made me forget about the tragedy that spun my life out of balance. He's filled my life with so much happiness, an emotion I didn't know for two years. I wouldn't stop until I returned the favor. I'd crawl to the very ends of the earth to show my gratitude for him. Because I loved him. Deep down inside I wanted to say I loved him as a best friend with every piece of me, with all my heart. But for a nanosecond I wished he and I could be more than just friends-

   No you don't, Jason. 

   What was I thinking? I didn't love him that way. I tucked those feelings far into the corners of the farthest reaches of my mind to deal with later. I am not in love with Troye, I chanted silently in my head several times over. At least I didn't believe I was. 

   He and I broke away from our embrace. I raised my hand to splash him with water in attempt to forget about what I had just confessed to myself. Troye shielded his face and turned away from me, trying to swim back to shore. But he couldn't get away in time. I heard him shouting, "Stop, Jace! Okay, okay! You can stop now!" in surrender while swimming as quickly as his limbs could carry him. 

   My splashing didn't cease. I chased him just as rapidly as he was swimming, splashing him furiously and roaring, "You think I'm going to stop? You thought wrong, Troye Sivan Mellet! Prepare to pay a visit to Davy Jones' locker!" 

• • •

   I stared at the blackened sky that was my bedroom ceiling that night.

   I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Only I couldn't. 

   The prospect of me liking Troye more than a friend still loomed. 

   I mean, although I hated to admit so to myself, I kind of understood why. We spent everyday together, for most of the day. We've told each other every secret about us there was. We've laughed and cried together, gotten in trouble together, took the blame for each other. We've gotten mad at each other and left in one instance but our undying friendship conquered our anger. We've been through more in two months than what typical best friends would have gone through in years. 

   There were legitamate reasons as to why Troye was loved by everyone he came in contact with. He's nice, he's adventurous and energetic. Compassionate. Caring. Curious. Optimistic. Risk taker. He knows how to make just about anyone smile, He has the most bubbly and cheerful personality I've ever known and eyes that can outshine even the brightest of stars-

   No, Jason! Stop!

   I felt a queasy sensation churning in the pits of my stomach. 

   Thinking about it only made me fall harder. See, the thing is, I didn't even want to fall.

   Fear struck me. 

I can't. I can't like Troye. I just can't. 

   I remember feeling terrified at the thought of loving Troye more than just a friend, sometimes so terrified that I'd do anything to push away voices mocking me and telling me I might be in love with him. My mind refused to believe what my heart confessed to it. No matter what I did or how much I tried avert my attention away from the voices, I'd always find myself back at square one. And every time, I'd find a way to bypass those voices to confront later. 

   And no matter how hard I fought them, no matter how badly I wanted to deny everything, there was just no shaking off the fact that the voices were right.

   I fell madly in love with Troye Sivan Mellet the day he and I jumped off the jetty. 

[ Yes, I did a double update! xD I'm feeling generous today, and decided to write up chapter four for you! I hope you guys loved this chapter (I certainly enjoyed writing it). :D It's frigging long XD. I will be updating soon, but for now, see ya on the flip side! :) ] 

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